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Friday, April 10, 2009
Rusty’s Rash
Uhm, excuse me sir, but your rash is scaring the other customers.
Now if you don’t mind, you can stand over there and play with the beer bottle as a phallus substitute.
I need to give Pauline seventeen seconds of attention that will not change her world in the slightest but I will tell my grandchildren about.
Friday, April 10, 2009Rusty's Rash
Uhm, excuse me sir, but your rash is scaring the other customers.
Now if you don’t mind, you can stand over there and play with the beer bottle as a phallus substitute.
I need to give Pauline seventeen seconds of attention that will not change her world in the slightest but I will tell my grandchildren about.
Friday, April 10, 2009Is Brandon a Nottadouche?
It’s Friday, whattaya say?
Should we be generous and give Brandon a nottadouche even though he has the cactus hair and the rayon shirt with a hint of Ed Hardy?
And is Kimmy a dainty and classy-hott milkshake of brunette ice-cream? Yes. Yes she is.
Friday, April 10, 2009Friday Haiku
Pensive Jerzy Guid,
Unhappy with older hotts,
Longs for Ed Hardy.
Dude in black is pissed!
The Wal-mart greeter told him
plastic watch pulls hotts.
— I am Jack’s kissy lips
Clothes from Goodwill Store
Face from falling down ugly tree
MILFs don’t seem to mind
— JoMama
Melons not always
round; some sag, some grow obscene
puckered douche faces.
— Captain Bringdown
Down Syndrome poses
Raccoon eyes makes kissy face
I cry at my desk
— Anon – Bender Douche
Pensive Jerzey Guid
Ponders: Am I fish or am
I man? Who can tell?
— massengill
Maze on DoucheBoy’s shirt
Begs to be solved; not with pen
Trace my path with knives
–= Douche Wayne
Jesus looks down, sad
Tells St. Peter, “I didn’t
die for this sh!t, bra.”
– Mr. White
Thursday, April 9, 2009Lauren’s Close Encounter
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Hey DB1-
I just thought I should inform you of the douchebag I spotted in the wild the other day.
While driving on a rural highway on the Eastern Shore of Maryland, I spotted a bag in the car next to me. It was glorious! The hair on the top of his head was spiked straight up and at least an inch high, while the lower half of his head was shaved shiny bald. His collar was popped, and while I couldn’t see if he had Jesus bling on a necklace he did have a large cross on his mirror. It was a very cloudy day, but he was wearing sunglasses anyway. He looked rather large and muscle-y as well.
He wasn’t sporting the 10 degree hat tilt, but I think that’s only because he was driving a Honda Hatchback and a hat wouldn’t fit into the car with him. And there was no hott in the car either.
I wish I had a picture to back this up, but I thought that not crashing my own car was a superior alternative to getting the picture. I will, however, keep my eyes open for the elusive wild ‘bag – it would seem that even when they don’t have anyone to douche around with and wouldn’t be caught dead driving that car near a club with hotts, they still manage to be a complete DB.
-Lauren
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I’d say nice work Lauren, but since you didn’t get a pic, I’ll just say that your ‘bag antennae were well tuned, and your email was enjoyable. Every time a girl writes in with an email ‘tag, my jubblies get happy hap. Even if there was no capture of the event.
So to go with this email, here’s a random picture of douche and suckle torso.
Thursday, April 9, 2009Lauren's Close Encounter
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Hey DB1-
I just thought I should inform you of the douchebag I spotted in the wild the other day.
While driving on a rural highway on the Eastern Shore of Maryland, I spotted a bag in the car next to me. It was glorious! The hair on the top of his head was spiked straight up and at least an inch high, while the lower half of his head was shaved shiny bald. His collar was popped, and while I couldn’t see if he had Jesus bling on a necklace he did have a large cross on his mirror. It was a very cloudy day, but he was wearing sunglasses anyway. He looked rather large and muscle-y as well.
He wasn’t sporting the 10 degree hat tilt, but I think that’s only because he was driving a Honda Hatchback and a hat wouldn’t fit into the car with him. And there was no hott in the car either.
I wish I had a picture to back this up, but I thought that not crashing my own car was a superior alternative to getting the picture. I will, however, keep my eyes open for the elusive wild ‘bag – it would seem that even when they don’t have anyone to douche around with and wouldn’t be caught dead driving that car near a club with hotts, they still manage to be a complete DB.
-Lauren
—-
I’d say nice work Lauren, but since you didn’t get a pic, I’ll just say that your ‘bag antennae were well tuned, and your email was enjoyable. Every time a girl writes in with an email ‘tag, my jubblies get happy hap. Even if there was no capture of the event.
So to go with this email, here’s a random picture of douche and suckle torso.
Thursday, April 9, 2009Swimbags
All the chlorine in China won’t get that cheek sterile again.
The Humpy Dance
The Humpy Dance, do the dance, do the Hump…
Thursday, April 9, 2009Uncle Frank and Adreanna
It’s hard to really label Uncle Frank a true douche.
More like your recently divorced uncle who’s trying reallllly hard to get back in the game. By creating weird bandanas and wearing polka dots.
But I did not come here to praise Uncle Frank.
Nor did I really come here to mock him.
I came to celebrate the holy gamoley dancing angels humping cactuses in a Francis Bacon triptych artistic masterpiece that is Adreanna.
I would ride a unicycle through a warehouse full of angry possums cup slapping each of them as I passed just for the chance to sniff the staid air captured after her dainty burp upon finishing her meal of arugula salad and goat cheese.
Thursday, April 9, 2009Where’s Hoverbag?
Somewhere in this pic of two sorority sisters with suckleable legs getting their Vegas on, I’ve carefully hidden an awkward, creepy, Jesus tatted Hoverbag.
Look closely.
Can you ignore him?
