Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

DJ Tagging

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DB1-

-Scott
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The life of the Vegas/Miami DJ may be the only one where dudes in their early 40s can wear gold chains, splotchy shirts, and use a microphone as a phallus substitute to impress the ladies.

Well, DJing or being a member of Congress.

Doucheclowns in the ‘Lot

All the doucheclowns in the ‘lot say “Heyyyy!!! Hooooo!!! Heyyyy!!! Hooooo!!!”

Then they wave their hands in the air.

Like they just don’t care.

The roof is on fire.

Menomena.

Doucheclowns in the 'Lot

All the doucheclowns in the ‘lot say “Heyyyy!!! Hooooo!!! Heyyyy!!! Hooooo!!!”

Then they wave their hands in the air.

Like they just don’t care.

The roof is on fire.

Menomena.

Breaking: Arthur Kade is a Dancing Douchenozzle

You may remember Arthur Kade, a wannabe “model” and reeking douchenozzle I featured in a Friday Link last month here.

Kadebag’s hilarious blog of narcissism can be revisited here, with a genius comments thread filled with HCwDB regulars responding.

Teacher Tagging

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db1-

— Teacherette
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Excellent work, ‘Ette, and may all Bulgarian Eastern-Euro Suckle Thighs come to America to study. And become confused and disorientated, eventually playing naked Twister with the DB1 under a train overpass at 2am after shooting at rats by the junkyard.

Happy Asspril Fools!!

It’s perfect Ass Pear with horrible douche taint, all in one.

Happy Asspril Fools!!

Oh who are we kidding. A Hardy Boy logo wouldn’t stop a-one of us from dancing the Siberian Husky while drunk off rice wine in a rickshaw in Timbuktu just for the chance to take jello shots off her discarded bobby socks.

Anti-‘Bag Aura

Tank actually illustrates the inverse of yesterday’s “Scrotal Aura” in that he’s less douchey than the sum of his parts.

Sure he’s gone the smug grin, the incomprehensible body tatts, the tighty-tight black d-beater, and a spiky hair point.

But his embrace of Banana Daiquiri Lemon Drop is relatively unthreatening. Overall he just comes off as generic. In short, despite so many douchal signifiers, he’s actually less douchey than the math states he should be.

It’s a rare occurrence, and we should take note. And by note, I mean yellow bikini bottoms make the Sultan break into song.

EDIT: Here’s a second pic of Banana Daiquiri Lemon Drop to confirm the uberhott.

EDIT #2: April Fools!! He’s a huge douche.

Anti-'Bag Aura

Tank actually illustrates the inverse of yesterday’s “Scrotal Aura” in that he’s less douchey than the sum of his parts.

Sure he’s gone the smug grin, the incomprehensible body tatts, the tighty-tight black d-beater, and a spiky hair point.

But his embrace of Banana Daiquiri Lemon Drop is relatively unthreatening. Overall he just comes off as generic. In short, despite so many douchal signifiers, he’s actually less douchey than the math states he should be.

It’s a rare occurrence, and we should take note. And by note, I mean yellow bikini bottoms make the Sultan break into song.

EDIT: Here’s a second pic of Banana Daiquiri Lemon Drop to confirm the uberhott.

EDIT #2: April Fools!! He’s a huge douche.

HCwDB of the Week: Doughboy and Gidget

I had a strong feeling this pairing of doughy fried douche and sexy 1950s Housemom would take the prize. And they did, barely overtaking Blenderboy for the win (loss):

F. Scrote Fitzdoucheald: #1 Doughboy & Gidget. I’d like her till she’s sticky.

AV: Oh Gidget. You are the very definition of pleasantly plump. Your ample pillows offer condolence on this wicked Monday morn’. But your taste in men is atrocious. Doughstooge and Sweet Gidget FTW.

Matt: Doughboy and Gidget FTW. She’s a giggly, retro-voluptuous beach vixen. He’s a life-sized Cabbage-Patch Douche. This combination must win.

SkyPork: The Hotts don’t even enter into it. Doughboy is a steaming pile of goose poo. Like, moments after leaving the goose’s asshole. It’s a struggle not to punch my monitor.

Mr. Choad’s Wild Ride: Doughboy’s hott is innocent in a girl-next-door-with-a-talented-surgeon kinda way thus giving rise to a stark douche-hott contrast. Additionally, the chest tat is a douche-eyeball with it’s nipple-pupil piercing my soul and thereby preventing me from mentally photoshopping Doughboy out of this picture. Gidget… I weep for you.

Douche, shower and shave: Doughboy…he is all kinds of infested white skinned, tribal ink dreck. Gidget is all kinds of yummy boobies that make me smile. And boobs.

memphis doucheworkers local 421: Doughboy and Gidget win. Gidget’s 50’s sitcom wholesomeness clashes violently with the utterly rage inducing Fred Durstian rap-rock flabby oiliness of Doughboy here. Throw in a cinderblock-to-the-face deserving sneer of entitlement, plus Critically Endangered Clear Cup (CECC), and your winner is clear.

Anonymous: Gidget because she is all kinds of 1950’s naughty and yes, she has those sweet sweet cans. And Doughboy because he is classic west coast douche.

Earth Girls are Bleethy: Methinks Doughboy has Tulane University’s logo shaved into his chin. Either that or that chancre just won’t heal. Gidget’s rack and creamy thighs are the happy thoughts that enable Peter Pan to fly. Though I wouldn’t wear tights around Gidget. Unless she was into that sort of thing.

But Blenderboy put up a strong showing, proving clashing aesthetics and beanie hair can rankle with the douchiest.

KiernotKier: It has to be Blender boy. It’s been a long time since I have truly and I mean TRULY wanted to slap the shit out of a Weekly finalist. By looking at him, I feel the rage building up “Mr McKee don’t make me angry – you wouldn’t like me when I am angry” style.

She is Brooklyn Catholic school girl grown up and rebelling against the nuns hot. She is not Hall of Hott worthy. However, there is something about her that just makes me think impure thoughts that will have the priest give me five Our Fathers for the actions I take upon myself thinking about her. And by myself, I mean my penis.

Douchetopia: I vote for Blenderboy. The clownified hair, the tatt vortex, the idiotic chin pubes, the chick with the big jugs next to him… Nuff said.

Creature: Blenderboy for he is a freak with spray painted on hair & his well rounded hott makes me wanna bang her gong for a week of Chinese new years, speak in the tongues of my dead ancestors & launch a Tet offensive! we would collapse in a pool of sweat & putrid ectoplasm

And some voted strictly for Ass Pear:

Tom Hussein: I vote for the ass pear salad with the douchehead of iceberg lettuce drizzled with an Axe vinagrette dressing.

But Mr. Moneybags brings us home:

i don’t know if i’ve ever been this torn, reading almost the entire comments thread for guidance, but i have to give it to doughboy & gidget… sorry blenderboy, you’ve got the creativity/cringe-worthiness that makes me want to beat you to the ground with a tungsten bat, but it’s gotta be doughboy… gidget’s knockers are succulent masterpieces while doughboy is the reason the mastodon went extinct… after i saw the tribal tat vortex around his left nipple and the straw in his beer it was all over…

And the everpresent Anonymous:

A tough contest between Blenderboy and Doughboy…but in the end, Doughboy reigns supreme. Into the monthly with him.

Into the Monthly they go. Well said everyone, once again massive props to all the excellent dissections in the comments thread. This was one of the most balanced Weeklys in a while, but D&G take the HCwDB prize. And while Doughboy’s moob is rank, Gidget’s boobs promise all of us a better tomorrow.

A tomorrow of Suckle Thigh untainted by Fred Durstian poo.

Check the Goggs, Bra!!

Broheim!!

It’s all good, Brotinis!!