Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Ask DB1: The Rock Star Leniency Rule

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Dear DB1,

–Rockdouchular
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Much has been debated over the “Rock Star Leniency Rule,” which I’ve amended from its earlier title, “The Rock Star Exemption.”

The Rock Star Leniency Rule only states that douchal behavior in service of performance and spectacle can be forgiven as part of theatricality. This is why The Black Eyed Peas, for example, on stage, are not considered douches. Nor is Nickelback, much as their music might gargle testicle. Nor are WWE wrestlers who get paid to dress like huge douchewanks.

Off stage is another question entirely.

However, the leniency rule is in direct proportion to the theatrical success of the stage show. If you are playing small venues, yet douching it up like John Mayer, you are a huge douche. Which, come to think of it, so is John Mayer.

Speaking of Travis Barker, I wouldn’t want him to be my wingman.

What? Too soon?

Caption This Pic

Okay, that last dude had a tatt honoring a dead soldier, so I’m taking him off. Instead, here’s a classic Vegas choad/hott combo. I open it up to you in the threads.

Here’s to gettin’ you started:

At the Vegas Cowpoke, Vince practiced the rare “boob fondle + half-assed hand gesture” move when roping his Cowgirl.

Ashlee’s Spring Break

Poor little pillow-fighting sorority sister Ashlee.

All she wanted was to have fun on spring break. Instead, she met a parade of doucheclowns.

Like the Fratbags in the bars, who hit on Ashlee with gang signs.

Or the pimpsta wannabes with chin straps who bought her bottle service and then flipped off the camera.

Or the Jerz Guids with the blowouts she met on the beach.

Ashlee's Spring Break

Poor little pillow-fighting sorority sister Ashlee.

All she wanted was to have fun on spring break. Instead, she met a parade of doucheclowns.

Like the Fratbags in the bars, who hit on Ashlee with gang signs.

Or the pimpsta wannabes with chin straps who bought her bottle service and then flipped off the camera.

Or the Jerz Guids with the blowouts she met on the beach.

Suburbz 4 Eva

Yo yo yo.

Keepin’ it real, Abercrombie Stylez.

You best step off, yo, unless you wanna get a Spaulding golf club through that Range Rover, homes.

These boyz will throw down, old prep school style.

And then their ladies will go shopping, yo. And spend mad cash at the Limited.

Pugsley Addams — ‘Bag / Nottabag?

An anonymous reader submits this pic of Jimmy Workman, the kid who played Pugsley Addams in the Addams Family movie in 1991.

The reader asks us if Pugsley has grown into a classic level-1 choadscrote macking on a Collegiate Coed or not.

Nothing too offensive for Pugsley here. Just frosty head and some bizarro tatts. But still enough scrotal ‘tude is present to be worth a mild mock.

Da da da douche. (snap snap snap)

Whaddaya want? Complex humor? The DB1 needs a coffee.

Pugsley Addams — 'Bag / Nottabag?

An anonymous reader submits this pic of Jimmy Workman, the kid who played Pugsley Addams in the Addams Family movie in 1991.

The reader asks us if Pugsley has grown into a classic level-1 choadscrote macking on a Collegiate Coed or not.

Nothing too offensive for Pugsley here. Just frosty head and some bizarro tatts. But still enough scrotal ‘tude is present to be worth a mild mock.

Da da da douche. (snap snap snap)

Whaddaya want? Complex humor? The DB1 needs a coffee.

The Barbag

Here’s your classic Barbag.

No single overwhelming trait of choad.

Not some Bukowski anti-hero slinking through the retro-nostalgic dystopian underground wood panelings of Ramond Chandler by way of James Ellroy.

Not some boozy poet wandering through the night, with vague hopes to piece together the shattered splinters of his once coherent existence.

Just a classic suburban barstool sitting pud. Who loves Budweiser and his DVR, and smirks at all who see him in presence of a suckle thigh.

And then there’s Katherine. All sorts of small-town hope and sunshine hotness. In a red sundress that speaks of first dates and milkshakes and the DB1 humping her stuffed panda that she keeps on top of her bed during the day.

Suckin’ down chili dogs, right outside the Taste-e-Freeze.

Together, they are classic American HCwDB.

Reader Mail: “Doin It Real Grande”

‘Bag Time Warper comments in the threads:

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Who are all you losers that visit this website? Get a life, are u checkin out the chicks? or the dudes fags. I happened to find my picture on the feb 2009 archive. First pic on the page! There was a whole bunch of haters that left comments. It is obvious that you idiots have no life, so you talk crap about people that you wish you were. Me and my boys were in Cancun Mexico doin it real grande. While you were in your dorm room, whackin it to youporn!
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I would say that we’ve been “served.”

If by served, I mean a verbal STD administered by a cracked up dancing wallaby macropod whose momma sells trickets for coin on the streets of Peru to pay for her hairlip surgery.

And I do.

Reader Mail: "Doin It Real Grande"

‘Bag Time Warper comments in the threads:

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Who are all you losers that visit this website? Get a life, are u checkin out the chicks? or the dudes fags. I happened to find my picture on the feb 2009 archive. First pic on the page! There was a whole bunch of haters that left comments. It is obvious that you idiots have no life, so you talk crap about people that you wish you were. Me and my boys were in Cancun Mexico doin it real grande. While you were in your dorm room, whackin it to youporn!
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I would say that we’ve been “served.”

If by served, I mean a verbal STD administered by a cracked up dancing wallaby macropod whose momma sells trickets for coin on the streets of Peru to pay for her hairlip surgery.

And I do.