Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

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Bobby’s life-long dream to snag a Vegas Show Girl was nearly complete. And he owed it all to the power of green bottled cough syrup.

Swiffer Head’s Blue Steel “Look”

Swiffer Head and his milfy hotts badly want to win the HCwDB of the Week.

So much so that he’s busting the “Blue Steel.”

You are hypnotized by his perfectly spiked hairage, his waxed brows and his star-temple.

So much so, that you don’t even notice Blonde #2’s Kissy Lips, a sad sign of her descent into douchebaguette.

But such is the power of Swiffer Head.

Swiffer Head's Blue Steel "Look"

Swiffer Head and his milfy hotts badly want to win the HCwDB of the Week.

So much so that he’s busting the “Blue Steel.”

You are hypnotized by his perfectly spiked hairage, his waxed brows and his star-temple.

So much so, that you don’t even notice Blonde #2’s Kissy Lips, a sad sign of her descent into douchebaguette.

But such is the power of Swiffer Head.

No More Hoffspring

Here’s the pic takedown request from Saturday’s “Your Saturday Hoffspring” post:

—-
douchebag1,

your avid reader and second time omgiknowthatguyheposted,
Caleb
—-

The pleasure I get in having a pic takedown request using the parlance of the website (Rockstar Leniency Rule) is tempered only by the fact that Hoffspring needed a proxy to do his takedowning for him. Wuss. Therefore, no R.S.L. granted. Hoffspring is a douche.

But the takedown request I will abide. Because it’s by a reader familiar with the site. And because I’m nice like that.

So instead, here’s a meatwad, a creepy dude who isn’t quite a douche, and a tasty Raven Hott.

Milky McMuscle

There’s so much wrong with this pic that I just built a time machine, went back in time to 1932, and bitch slapped the Lindbergh Baby.

Yeah, I made a Lindbergh Baby joke.

What? Too soon?

Teddy’s Midlife Crisis

Let me guess, Teddy.

The Eighth Deadly Sin… Shiney Head?

Mmm… matching PTP Bunnies tug with wild primal abandon and make the Tuesday go fuzzier.

Teddy's Midlife Crisis

Let me guess, Teddy.

The Eighth Deadly Sin… Shiney Head?

Mmm… matching PTP Bunnies tug with wild primal abandon and make the Tuesday go fuzzier.

Fingerpud Says “I Voted in the Weekly!”

Fingerpud is bringing the ‘bagling scrotudinous on a Ginger/Mary-Ann combo as he votes in the HCwDB of the Week.

Mary-Ann hates her dad.

Fingerpud Says "I Voted in the Weekly!"

Fingerpud is bringing the ‘bagling scrotudinous on a Ginger/Mary-Ann combo as he votes in the HCwDB of the Week.

Mary-Ann hates her dad.

HCwDB of the Week

Bring it On. Step It Up. Another three word expression that will end up being the title of a teen dance movie.

With two weeks of pics to cull through, this is a juicy weekly. And by juicy, I mean fecal. And by Rosencrantz, I mean Guildenstern. And by Rosenberg, I mean Goldstein.

Here’s your picks:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Krackenbag

What can be said when one of the Joey Porsche crew sets off on his own to douche it up, O.G.D.B. style? Not much, other than “ballsack.”

With shirtless Fabio pose, chin strap and one of the greasiest spikey blowouts we’ve seen in months, we have Released the Krackenbag in all the wrong ways.

But what of Candice?

She’s quirky hott. Not traditionally cute, but with large sexy eyes and pouty lips that suggest she may be hotter than her photos suggest.

And what of the bra/boob poke? This strange configuration suggests the blouse/shirt was designed to allow pokey boobie.

And pokie boobie makes the DB1 happy. Even after a three day weekend.

But is this combo hottie/douchey enough to win the Weekly? That has yet to be determined. On to #2…

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Melvin the Zebra and Laura Mars Hott

I wasn’t sure if Melvin really rose to the status of HCwDB of the Week Finalist, but the truth is that Laura Mars Hott is so creepy sexy lithe hotness, I had to go with it.

She’s another unconventional beauty who is far more than the sum of her parts. And I’m not just saying that due to the smallish boobosity.

She has the strongest hip bones I’ve seen since biology class. I would sack race a tribe of northern Egyptian Zoroastrian pygmies just for the chance to rub her discarded mascara on my lower stomach while crying “Maaaaamaaa” in Gaelic.

He is wearing strange zebra-esque pants just baggy/tight enough to show off his peen.

Toss in the bling, the Ark of the Covenant tattoo, and the Raiders Cap (auto +1 douche saving throw), and this coupling brought the wrong enough to make the Weekly.

But Paid to Pose? Could that be Melvin and Laura’s achilles heel?

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Swiffer Head

Swiffer Head is classic party poo. ‘Tude and hair gel in a pouty, ass grabbing toxic mix of cultural rot.

The triumverate of hotts did not get the love they deserved the first time around.

They are three distinct “getable” levels of hott, the real girls at the office party who actually do make out with you in the supply closet.

And for that, they are to be celebrated as much as Swiffer Head’s star hair thing and chinstrap should be mocked.

(Dis)honorable mention to The Party Pud, Smelvis in the Friday Haiku, Propellerhead, Tudo and Kegger Dogs, all of whom were worthy contenders and just barely missed the cut.

Which of these three has enough hotness and enough poobaggery to call itself the Weekly Winner?

That, fellow ‘bag hunters and huntresses, is your power to control. Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.