Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Friday Haiku

PIC DELETED

Scary Jerz Nipple,
Meathead gets kissed in mall shop,
Bro pumps fists, not gas.

Tank top shows man-tit
Really gets his mom horny
Or he found a job

– Allah Choad

“Bros, do youse ever
feels existential sadness
when youse wit’ girls? Bras?”

— Mr. White

Oh, Brooks Brothers Hott…
Your Connecticut good looks
Deserve so much more!

— boatbutter

Can’t see much of Hott,
Other than poor taste in men,
And penchant for moobs.

— Amerigo Vesdouchey

Finally a dude
Gets good service from a chick
At the DMV.

— Zen Wizard

Mom helps me pack, and
welcomes the freshman fifteen
gained in one nipple.

-Chuck Choadelaire

Ask DB1: The “‘Baggle” Defined

—-
DB1,

Thanks,
Peter
—-

Excellent question, Peter. As with a pride of lions, a flock of sheep or a stain of Ed Hardy, ‘bags have their own grouping terminology. The correct term is a ‘baggle. However the one exception to the rule is when referring to them as ‘bags. In that one instance, the term switches to a “scroadle.”

So you may say “Look at that ‘baggle of choads,” but you cannot say “Look at that ‘baggle of ‘bags.” Instead, you would say, “Look at that scroadle of ‘bags.” Or just run the other way.

Ask DB1: The "'Baggle" Defined

—-
DB1,

Thanks,
Peter
—-

Excellent question, Peter. As with a pride of lions, a flock of sheep or a stain of Ed Hardy, ‘bags have their own grouping terminology. The correct term is a ‘baggle. However the one exception to the rule is when referring to them as ‘bags. In that one instance, the term switches to a “scroadle.”

So you may say “Look at that ‘baggle of choads,” but you cannot say “Look at that ‘baggle of ‘bags.” Instead, you would say, “Look at that scroadle of ‘bags.” Or just run the other way.

Rockerbag Head

When even Hediyah, the Persian temp from the office party, is pointing at your shirtless skeezosity, it’s time to take a shower, Rockerbag.

‘Bags / Nottabags

Dammit, I need these two tools to be douches but I don’t have the evidence. The desire to bite Ass Pear is certainly excusable, as it effects all of us.

Mr. Black in the middle is joyful and relaxed, with no bling, douche-face or gangsta hand gestures. But… is that a mini-faux?

There must be something we can pin on these shoe-scrubs. Help me out in the comments thread. Don’t make me give them nottadouche passes with that many cottony hot-pockets running around.

'Bags / Nottabags

Dammit, I need these two tools to be douches but I don’t have the evidence. The desire to bite Ass Pear is certainly excusable, as it effects all of us.

Mr. Black in the middle is joyful and relaxed, with no bling, douche-face or gangsta hand gestures. But… is that a mini-faux?

There must be something we can pin on these shoe-scrubs. Help me out in the comments thread. Don’t make me give them nottadouche passes with that many cottony hot-pockets running around.

The Motivating the DB1 to Go Get a Coffee Pic

Your humble narrator on our hottie/douchey journey, the DB1, is sitting around on his stained rug and munching on a tasty bowl of Corn Pops with 1% milk.

I needed a coupling so disturing, foul and awkwardly confusing, that it would motivate me to get off my ass, go find my socks, and roll to the Coffee Bean for my daily Americano.

Yup.

Here it is.

Shirtless at the bar Pedro, and Vera, a stage 4-Bleeth lost to the Grieco Virus forever. Yet with shiny boobies that make me happy against my better instincts, since I know she is Bleeth. I’m confused, and so I go. Feeling unclean and perplexed.

Lumpy Thursday

Oh, long necked blonde nursing school swan-hott.

Were thee only to wear librarian glasses, I would powder thy bottom with spackle and glitter.

Oh, Lumpy.

Your lick is as unsanitary as your hair.

Guido Buttchinsky

Everyone in the Jerz loves Guido Buttchinsky.

Even his girlfriend Tonya’s mom thought Guido was a slammin’ bro. Sure, date night meant he’d buy Tonya a Big Gulp outside the local mall. But Tonya’s Mom was willing to overlook that.

So long as Guido Buttchinsky wore that sexy combo A/X toolbelt and shirt, all was orange in Hoboken.

E-Blo Thanks You

E-Blo wanted to drop by thank you for voting himself and Britney the HCwDB of the Week.

To celebrate, E-Blo’s found a bartender with some tasty Cleavite showing, and is busting the rarest of rare: The Double Mark of the ‘Bag on his forehead.

Fo’ shizz, E-blo. Fo’ shizz.

Nice hair tumor.