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Friday, July 10, 2009
Ask DB1: Douchal Rage
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DB1 –
The great majority of douchebags to discover their presence at HCwDB’s and take the time to write in seemingly exhibit what I would refer to as “Douchal Rage.”
Often laced with homophobic, class or cultural rhetoric, threats of physical violence and juvenile masculinity challenges, these letters normally do no more than provide concrete evidence that the subject in question is, in fact, a giant douchebag.
Instead of recognizing the intervention and constructively using the information for redemption, ‘bags tend to double down and resist reality. Could you comment on the “Douchal Rage” phenomena, its manifestations and the actual threat to the general population?
Sincerely,
Half Douche Half Man (Not-a-Douche)
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We must understand that the visceral and linguistic registers are complimentary when tagging uber-scrote in presence of hott. Here at HCwDB, at first we can only ‘tag based on visual cues.
Stupid hair and the douche face, for example.
But when a schlort writes in and confirms his poobaggery, we have a more complete picture painted. It is “The ‘Bag Within” unleashed in written form, and as such, provides an even more accurate barometer for taint measurement.
And by barometer, I mean boobies.
Friday, July 10, 2009Friday Haiku
Pammy and Gemma,
Picnic with roses, candles,
And Ivan Drago.
Coors Light cowboy hat
Attracts pool scrote into lap
Eyes hurt from chlor-douche
— Choada the Hutt
Wedding party Sting,
Macks on bridesmaid hots with hat,
Da da doo doo dont.
— Colussus of Choads
It’s SpoogeGirl SquareHat
Mingling with all her fans
Whiter shade of fail.
— Crucial Head
White party faux pas.
Leaving shart stains on ladies
Is oft frowned upon.
— End the Habedouchery
flour power cult:
proselytizing pizza
throwers mock moonies
— euripidouche
Friday, July 10, 2009Ed Farty: The Great White Douche
Years ago, when I was patched into a three month gig on a merchant ship off the coast of Sicily smuggling tasty Hostess Twinkies to aid the subaltern rebels in Uttar Pradesh, an old Merchant Marine pulled me Starboard ho.
He grabbed me by the neck and pulled my ear to him, whispering to me in a grizzled voice:
Someday, you’ll see him.
Who?, I asked.
The Great White Douche. Ed Farty.
A far off look came to his eyes as the boat bobbed in the choppy gefilte fish infested waters.
I’ve hunted him for many a harvest moon. Never to view his scrotey visage in the flesh. he muttered softly, angrily.
But if I see him, how will I know it’s him?, I asked.
You’ll know. He macks on the Boobie Hottie. And he smells like poo.
And he walked down into the cabin deck below.
Thursday, July 9, 2009Where’s Waldouche? Boatbag Edition
Somewhere in this lineup of perky Floridian State Schoolettes, I’ve carefully hidden a pensive Waldouche in deep repose.
Look closely.
Can you find him?
Thursday, July 9, 2009Where's Waldouche? Boatbag Edition
Somewhere in this lineup of perky Floridian State Schoolettes, I’ve carefully hidden a pensive Waldouche in deep repose.
Look closely.
Can you find him?
Thursday, July 9, 2009Rated “P” for Poo
I was gonna go with “P for Lack of Future Job Prospects” but Hooters always needs dishwashers.
On an unrelated note, boobies.
Big pink mounds of love glory doughy midget dance.
Large succulent flank steaks of baby feeding agility and enhanced leprechaun boobie bounce.
I would touch them.
Thursday, July 9, 2009Rated "P" for Poo
I was gonna go with “P for Lack of Future Job Prospects” but Hooters always needs dishwashers.
On an unrelated note, boobies.
Big pink mounds of love glory doughy midget dance.
Large succulent flank steaks of baby feeding agility and enhanced leprechaun boobie bounce.
I would touch them.
Thursday, July 9, 2009Mouth-Shirt Ab Reveal Lives
The 2008 Douchie Award Winning move for “Most Innovative ‘Bag Maneuver” is alive and well.
The Mouth-Shirt Ab Reveal.
Still here. Still ‘tardish.
Yeah, the girls aren’t too high on the hott-o-meter, but I had a point to make.
Thursday, July 9, 2009Hairy Belafonte
Douche-o!! Douche-o!!
Daylight come and she wanna get back at her dad.
Whaddaya want? I need a coffee.
Thursday, July 9, 2009Morris Doesn’t Need Your Vote
After his dismal showing in the HCwDB of the Week, Morris, aka, The Crawdaddy doesn’t need your vote. He doesn’t want your vote.
He just wants to dance.
