Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Category: “Shirts”

He’ll take shirts for $600 dollars, Alex.

Category: "Shirts"

He’ll take shirts for $600 dollars, Alex.

Reader Mail: Chris Brown is a Douche

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Hello DB1!!

–Frances
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I grant you that Chris Brown is a douche, Francis, but it’s important to remember that physical abuse goes beyond the realm of douchebaggery and into the land of assholery.

Douchebaggery tends to be nonviolent. A collection of aesthetic violations and clueless poseur buffoonery. That’s why I haven’t featured the dumbass Chris Brown to date. But I agree, he qualifies for douche status for silly sneaker alone.

The Bleach Baller

Take a good look at this pic, fellow ‘bag hunters and huntresses.

From star-pecs to bling to undie poke to hat tilt, Bleach Baller is uber-rank. The only thing Bleach Baller is missing are hand gestures and kissy lips. But he still deserves to be hen pecked by hens.

Angry, angry hens.

The Samantha Twins are cuddly, curvy perfect balls of hot boobie sliced melon canteloupe fruit cup cocktail sandcastle humping echo hotness.

And that is all there is to say about that one.

God Bless America

Tooly McFratterson may only be a stage-2 Clownbag, but God Bless American boobies.

I stare at them long enough and I see my own future, clouded as it is in ambiguity, existential struggle and paddling her bare bottom with coolwhip and maraschino cherries.

What’s that, Ubiquitous Red Cup? Don’t forget Yellow Bikini Smile Hott?

I will add an extra dollop of chocolate syrup atwixt her shoulder blades, then tussle with an angry wildebeast for her bemusement.

EDIT: Could this be Detroit Lions quarterback Matt Stafford?

Caption This Pic

Teddy and Freddy, known about town as the “Scrote Twins,” tried to convince Vanessa that Aussie Rules Football had a ‘simulated masturbation rule,’ which was totally rad.

Bucky’s Acceptance Speech

Bucky: Yo. I gots the Jimi Hendrix shirt on while I cuddle up with Kathy Hott to celebrate our HCwDB of the Month victory, yo. And dig my phat hat tilt! See yous all in the Yearly!

EDIT: Props to darksock for catching the beer cans with straws in the background. That’s right. Bucky so bad he drinks beer with a straw.

Bucky's Acceptance Speech

Bucky: Yo. I gots the Jimi Hendrix shirt on while I cuddle up with Kathy Hott to celebrate our HCwDB of the Month victory, yo. And dig my phat hat tilt! See yous all in the Yearly!

EDIT: Props to darksock for catching the beer cans with straws in the background. That’s right. Bucky so bad he drinks beer with a straw.

HCwDB of the Month: Bucky Got Mad Game

Bucky got mad game, and he got crazy skillz. And he got Kathy Hott. And he’s gettin’ his party on. And now he got the Monthly.

Dr. DB: Lets face it, most of the pics on this site are Paid to Pose hots and guys on the extreme edge of scrote. But Bucky and Kathy are the real deal. Her hottness is pure, his ducheness is all that is wrong in suburbia. The anger and frustration that is generated from their commingling is unmatched on this site, ever!! If you can find a pair to surpass I will cease mocking, and…well probably go back to work without interruption. And by interruption I mean the occasional dry heave generated by the likes of bucky macking on Kathy. Bucky FTM

Dunkterdouche: Bucky…He looks like Lon Chaney’s Zombie with a ridiculous, law of physics denying hat tilt.

Lyndon Ladouche: Kathy is a Houris from the Islamic Paradise. Bucky is the Douche Genie that somehow escaped from the bottle of piss she is holding.

Et douche, brute?: Bucky’s got a look like a rhino that makes me want to shoot him from a distance with a high-powered rifle. Also, Kathy, despite sporting a stage-one bleeth tan, is a potentially rescuable bona fide hott.

Don’t ‘bag me, bro: Bucky and Kathy Hott – Damn, he has it all. 5A level douchebaggery, a halt tilt that makes gangsta rappers jealous, and Kathy Hott. She should be illegal. And by illegal, I mean in my pants.

Hot Buttered Poopcorn: Bucky inspires me. I have never been more motivated to renounce civilization, move to the moon, and live out the rest of my days in complete solitude.

Mr. Choad’s Wild Ride: Bucky is a study in surrealism. Salvador Dali would have given up the brush had he seen this reality blurring comingling. Is this a product of photoshop? Are spiders crawling all over my skin? Are all the drugs I did in college coming back to haunt me? This doesn’t even inspire the type of blind rage that is usual for a douche-hott coupling. I question my own existence when I view the pic. Maybe Albert Camus was onto something. Also, I can see his knob though his basketball shorts.

saulgoode42: Are you kidding? Bucky fer shur, simply because he pulled the finest one, by far.

eltango: gunny looks like an off duty circus clown but bucky is a leaning tower of poo. kathy is the klincher and when i say klincher i’m thinking kegel.

ehcuodouhe: Bucky. For monthlies and yearlies I have to pretend I’m each contestant twenty years from now. Looking back over the pictures of my youth, which ones would most likely cause me to shoot myself in the head? If I were Bucky, the shooting would be prefaced by repetitively banging my head against a marble countertop for all the stupid in that picture. Welding {smack} gloves?{smack} W {smack} T {smack} F {smack} was {smack} I {smack} thinking? {smack}

Vinny Scumbaglia: Gunny and Bucky have that certain festering quality, but only Bucky has the Uncle Festering quality.

Chris in ‘Baghdad: Bucky is to Douchebaggery what Pearl Harbour is to sneak attacks: iconic perfection incarnate.

RAPETIME: Bucky, for physically impossible 4-D hat-tilt and for having a hott that makes my penis cry.

Excellent evicerations all around. Good job, ‘bag hunters and huntresses. The “real world” HCwDB commingling was just too much to overcome for Bucky and Kathy. Not to mention 4-D hat tilt and welding gloves. And Kathy is delicious and innocent and this poo is underserving indeed. Well said, team.

P. Doody and the legendary ‘bag succubus, Carly Hott, also found support, coming in a solid but distant second place:

Ass Pear: P. Doody’s tat embodies the lack of foresight and intelligence of these many douche figures we have come to know and hate. Hence, I punched my ballot for him and an ample breasted hott by the name of Carly.

Seargent Scrote Stain: Although all contenders should garner some strong support, P. Doody deserves the big piece of chicken here. And by ‘piece,’ I mean ‘a very large serving,’ and by ‘chicken,’ I mean ‘repeated violent blows to the nads.’

Sluggo: P. Doody FTW, even though my vote didn’t help him last time. That tattoo will look perfect when he’s 50 and looks like George Constanza.

Anonymous: P. Doody. As someone else pointed out, having a PLAYA 4 LIFE tat on you has got to earn you something.

There’s no doubt we’ll be seeing P. Doody in the “Worst Tatt” category at the 2009 Douchie Awards. Coming in a distant third, Gunny and The Gun Show:

Anonymous: GUNNY YEAH I WANNA PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SAMMICH YEAH!

Douche Messiah: Gunny FTW, mostly due to the supreme hottness of the babe in Gunny 4.

And an even more distant fourth, the sadly forgotten Tiki Douche:

TheShadowHost: “Gunny” and “Bucky got mad game” look like they are trying too hard whilst P.Doody may have an extra-chromosome. So it has to be the Tiki Douche! He walks the walk and talks the talk of the nozzle like no other!

Pook Tiki. So douchey, yet with no iconic move, so quickly forgotten.

But I’ll turn it over to PhilthyPhil to take us home:

While all are strongly douche, only Bucky brings the tour de force. I have not recently seen such wankery on the site or ever in the natural world. With his utter mastery of gravity-defying hat buffoonery, goose-handling gloves and sweet and petite Kathy Hott this one leaves the beholder dazed, confused, nauseated and deeply saddened. Bucky..no one else comes close this month.

Well said, PtP, and we’ll see Bucky and Kathy Hott in their well deserved slot in the HCwDB of the Year in December.

Smoot Point

The Cheeto Man pic I just posted was scaring little children (and lacked a true hott), so I took it down, but if you can stomach it, it’s here.

Instead, here’s some Smoot Point to ride us into the orange sunset…