Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

The Gator Buys Bulgaria

HCwDB legend and Hall of Scrote member, The Gator, buys Bulgaria.

While wearing D&G.

And planning a proper sized bed to accommodate his theoretical orgies.

Cheeto Man Says…

Accept no imitations. There is only one Cheeto Man.

Your Saturday Smoot

What to name this annoyingly punch-worthy douche face?

One word comes to me. And that word is Smoot.

Crystal’s red tongue and barb wire tatt show worrisome signs of stage-2 to 3 douchebaguettery.

As such, I will only reluctantly drool on her boobs while chanting ancient Sanskrit poems and gargling windex.

Friday Thoughts and Links

No random thoughts on this Friday as I contemplate that Cheetos Man is not to be trifled with.

Well, maybe that is my random thought.

Cheetos Man. Do not mess with his argyle patterns and weedy hair.

Here are your links:

Douchebag V. Monkey: The Monologue is the most brilliantly written and delivered single character theatrical masterpiece on the internets. It is Samuel Beckett by way of Quentin Tarantino by way of Bertolt Brecht by way of David Mamet by way of Ice Cube by way of a giant wigga douchenozzle. It is a masterwork. “Squeezy don’t beg.”

Just when you thought E-Blo would never find a doucherhero sidekick to help him fight facial expressions and conscious thought: E-Blo and Robin.

D-Bag t-shirts, only $200 dollars each. Or, in this case, on sale for $169. What a bargain.

My comment that I didn’t know who Peter Andre was on Monday resulted in a flood of emails to “educate” me, with the best/worst being this slice of musical scrote pie (complete with black rasta background singers to give him “street cred”)

Model hooks up with Mickey Roarke, regrets it in the morning. And yes, Mickey Roarke is a celebubag.

And vis-a-vis the Douchebag V. Monkey monologue, how about Hot Chicks with Chimpanzees.

Rule of thumb: If you name your new line of douche wristwatches “Super Bad Ass”, they are, in fact, neither super, nor bad ass.

I’m not the big fan of mashups, when DJs combine two songs to create a new song, but this Rick Astley + Nirvana combo is pretty genius.

Biff rules.

And finally, because you’ve been good, here’s some tri-color Triple Vegas Ass Pear to carry you onward until dawn.

Cactus Joes

That reminds me, did I remember to water my cactii in the past few months?

And by water my cactii, I mean stalk Kat Dennings.

And yes, on the left is what we tag as a stage-3 douchebaguette, saved only by the lack of kissy-lips and hand gesture.

Nostradouchemas

For it is prophesized that when the Star of David Demon Tatt punctures the shoulder of the tri-vag facial pubed One, Tiny Pocahontas Clamshell Bikini Hott will commingle for a fortnight.

Friday Haiku

Choads ‘n hott do shots,
Ubiquitous Red Cups know,
Fratbags smell like poo.

Second Amendment
Be damned; these here guns should be
outlawed and taken.

– Douche Wayne

today will be nuts.
I don’t even know this chick.
we should light our farts.

— Mr. Choad’s Wild Ride

Mary Louise P.
Retires from the show “Weeds”
Now on show called “Taints”

– Vin Douchal

Hott is very hott.
Boobies like tangy lemons.
They need my sucklage.

-Amerigo Vesdouchey

what chances does a
lonely red cup, for the love
of a surfer chick

– euripidouche

More Pouter Puff

Okay, for all those complaining that bizarro Lithuania pic, as genius as it was, wasn’t strictly HCwDB enough, here’s some Pouter Puff + Jenny Suckle Shoulder to carry you to tomorrow’s Friday Haiku.

Lithuania: Unclear on the HCwDB Concept

—–
Greetings DB1,

E.
—-

The ridiculously unbalanced ratio between the quality of suckle thigh and creepy Europbaggery on display in Eastern Europe is on an ongoing global crisis.

While Eurobags often don’t resemble the douchebaggery we know and loathe here in America, the suckle thighs still desperately need saving. By me. Using only a ball of twine, extensive licking of their kneecaps, and a large towel soaked in chickenfat.

Johnny Blaze Blazes On

What separates the truly spectacular douchewank from the average, everyday, ordinary pud?

Longevity. Consistency.

Hall of Scrote legend Johnny Blaze isn’t held down by a faltering economy.

Johnny Blaze laughs in the face of the passing of time.

The Blaze just finds some slammin’ Ed Hardy, a middle aged Oldbag dressed in pink and desperately holding on to fading glory, and an all natural brunette with great teeth.

And the Blaze Blazes on.