Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Tiger Shark

Once while cliff diving for cliff bars off the caves of Negril, Jamaica, I punched a Tiger Shark in the nads.

“Ow,” said the Tiger Shark.

“I’m sorry,” I responded.

“Why did you do that?” said the Tiger Shark.

“It was an accident.” I responded.

And the Tiger Shark swam along his merry way.

What is the relevance of that story to this picture of giant collosal culture taint? Only that I wish I hadn’t punched that Tiger Shark in the nads.

For if we were on better terms, I could ask the Tiger Shark to please eat these people.

Spiderbag… Spiderbag…

Does whatever a Spiderbag can… which is hitting on hotts and spiking the fro to ginormous heights…

Coming, next week!!

The Further Adventures of the Amazingly Douchey Spiderbag #2!!

Same scrote time!!

Same scrote fauxhawk!!

Friday Thoughts and Links

I’m convinced that HCwDB legend Samurai Scrote is actually Sacha Baron Cohen. Although S.S. is looking kinda snappy here. His lady friend actually may be the bigger douche.

Only Samurai Scrote has such power of HCwDB reversal.

I enjoyed the surprisingly good Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist last night, which was like Juno, except set in the real world and written about real people.

And it introduced me to my latest Semitic brunette obsession, Kat Dennings. Slap some librarian glasses on Ms. Dennings, and I would be forced to nuzzle and graze upon her discarded bobbysocks like a cracked up millipede, and then dance the Watusi wearing only a potato sack discarded by her great aunt Gertrude.

I would read her “Frog and Toad are Friends” by candle light until she yawned and texted her famous Hollywood friends to get her the hell out of my basement.

Yep. It’s Friday. And your humble narrator is losing it.

Here’s your Friday links:

Prinz Maximilian Michael Von Asshat. Time to fire bomb Dresden again.

Retro HCwDB: Wildwood, N.J. 1994. They have checks to cash.

Nightscroter David Hasselhoff douches up London. Although Kitt did rule.

I can’t tell if I should be flattered or sue them for a cut of the gate.

Christian Audigier shits on a motorcycle.

Things to do in Denver when you’re an oldbag. Poor dog.

And of course, I would never forget your reward for another week of ‘bag mocking and hottie lusting. Here it is, Ass Pear #10.

Sexy Sadie and Scrotie Sal

That’s just way too nasty a chin-pubey lick on a milfy powerboobed hott for a Friday afternoon.

Then again, it’s nice to see Affliction ts still clinging to douchal relevance in the age of Ed Hardy Plague.

Hardpocalypse

PIC DELETED

Ed Hardy.

Grafitti for the body that marks the blight of the soul.

Friday Haiku

Unearned Dog-Tag bling
jingles as teethy brunettes,
hope for free cosmos.

So sorry Pierre
Axl Rose is atheist
Not club Catholic.

— Douche Vader

“Sweep the leg, Johnny!”
Cobra Kai douchebag’s about
To get nuts crane kicked.

— Crucial Head

Right: let’s call you gums.
Left: not saucy, but cheeky.
Pinch one off between.

— Blazer

Vampire-esque head tilt
Entrances brunette Bellas
God, I hate Twilight

— J-Pompous

We lost some good men
over there; dog-tagged douche bag
wasn’t one of them.

— Anon Gee Bee

Beverly Hills 9021Suck

Lest there be any doubt that the bizarro-world pairing of supple Megan Fox and unemployed David Silver should be in the running for a 2009 Douchie Award, let this pic put it to rest.

And by rest, I mean a guy who hasn’t worked in fifteen years, yet dresses like this.

Who gets this.

I would’ve been less annoyed if it had been Ian Ziering.

Then again, maybe not.

Saturday Night Jerzey

The pic is like a trainwreck of culture poo.

I may need to crack a bottle of Night Train early today to forget this bedazzled slap chop of a shamwow.

With an arm so crimson it features the color pallete used to paint the sky in Edward Munch’s The Scream.

Reader Mail: “I’m With a Guy in a Mohawk”

—
Hello I just found out from my boyfriend that I’m on this website. Can you take my pic down? It’s weird. I’m with a guy in a Mohawk. I work for rehab and he was a client and I don’t think he would appreciate the douch comments. Thanks
—-

Well that just narrowed it down to about 2000 pictures on the site.

Reader Mail: "I'm With a Guy in a Mohawk"

—
Hello I just found out from my boyfriend that I’m on this website. Can you take my pic down? It’s weird. I’m with a guy in a Mohawk. I work for rehab and he was a client and I don’t think he would appreciate the douch comments. Thanks
—-

Well that just narrowed it down to about 2000 pictures on the site.