Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Friday Haiku II

That last Haiku pic,
Wasn’t the best for poems,
DB1 still recovering.

So here’s Farmer Ted,
Puking on Cindy the Hott,
80s John Hughes douche.

Jay Chandrasekhar,
Let go of that fair maiden.
Club Dredd not funny.

— End the Haberdouchery

Sancho Panza? Or
was it Pancho Villa? Or
was it Ass Stain Jones?

— I drink your doucheshake

“Smell my tongue, see if
you can guess what I ate last.”
*sniff* “I’ll go with Ass.”

— Captain Bringdown

gaucho con guapa
necesito los tatas
dame la blanca

— g0dluvsugly

he valet parked his
burro at the club, and tipped
the man with pesos.

— pfah

Friday Haiku

Librarian Hott,
spanks me with dewey dec’mal.
Gack!! Run Douche M.C.

Underground rapper
Lice T celebrates minor
Hit band Body Mount.

— Crucial Head

Some things make me happy
Librarian Hotts is one
Douche kills the boner

— Roscoe P. Scrotestain

Slim beatnick poet
Looks away; utter disgust
with slime-draped hottie.

— Douche Wayne

Michael Bay remakes
“Sixteen Candles” with new cast
Choice of male lead? Poor.

— Mr. White

RIP John Hughes

We interrupt our daily HCwDB mocking to bring some sad and tragic news. John Hughes died today of a heart attack at the age of 59.

The director of the preeminent films of my childhood in the 80s, John Hughes was an inordinate influence on my life as a kid.

RIP, J.H. You will be missed.

article.

EDIT: Anonymous in the threads correctly observes that Ian and Max from Weird Science were classic proto-douches.

Terry’s Midlife Crisis

Because nothing fights the onward march of time when you’re in your early 40s quite like Ed Hardy skullz caps, lack of shirt, leis, stupid tatts of seahorses and undies poke.

Yeah Terry. You’re just like the kids in their early 20s. No one can tell the diff.

Marissa would rather be elsewhere.

Terry's Midlife Crisis

Because nothing fights the onward march of time when you’re in your early 40s quite like Ed Hardy skullz caps, lack of shirt, leis, stupid tatts of seahorses and undies poke.

Yeah Terry. You’re just like the kids in their early 20s. No one can tell the diff.

Marissa would rather be elsewhere.

The Mixerbag

One of the most important subgenuses of the Rockerbag oeuvre is what we term the Mixerbag or the “Sound Scrotegineer.”

The creepy dude who wasn’t actually good enough to play in a band, but impresses the ladies by showing off his massive hardware.

Up next: “Would you like to play with my levers?”

Good luck with that, Jack White Jr.

EDIT: Is this Adam Jones, guitarist of Tool? And if so, do we grant Rockstar Leniency? I vote Tool.

Brothabag Duke Makes a Statement

Brothabag Duke wanted to come by and contest my point about the Brothabags from last week:

Brothabag Duke: Yeah, I read how you said us Brothabags haven’t been douchin’ out like them white suburban punks when mackin’ on the ladies, and I’d like to dispute this thesis.

How so, Brothabag Duke?

Brothabag Duke: Check my four dimensional hat tilt. It just generated 1.21 gigawatts. And my nuclear sunglasses. Indoors. At night.

Good points.

Brothabag Duke: And my hat, it’s orange! Which is kinda like those silly dudes getting orange tans.

I suppose it is.

Brothabag Duke: That’s all I’m sayin’. Alicia and her BFF didn’t know what hit ’em. So don’t say that the Brothabags can’t represent like them Long Island and Jerz Guids.

I stand corrected, Brothabag Duke.

Schmuckhead

With a name like Schmuckhead, he’s gotta be a douche.

Yeah, whaddaya want. I’m still a bit loopy. Clever treatises on how expertly I would explore Latina Barbie’s cleavite with the thunderous hooves of a maurading gang of shetland ponies will have to wait for this afternoon.

But yes I would.

And yes, Party Boy Hal needs his chestnuts roasted over an open fire.

Real Douchious

Would you classify that as a launch problem or a design problem?

Smoot Sayer

Smoot and Crystal decided to celebrate their win in the HCwDB of the Week and to gear up for the Monthly with a little retro-douche Doggie ‘Baggin’.

Even the pic is jaundiced by witnessing this event. I’d advise eating more citrus, camera guy. Lookin’ a little green.

EDIT: As Justin and Bagoraphobe note in the comments threads, is Smoot taking hairstyling tips from the vortex of vacuous suck himself, E-Blo?