Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

HCwDB of the Week

This is an absolutely epic Weekly.

Last week was the Monthly, so we have two weeks of hottie/douchey pics to process. And what a two weeks of spectral poo and angelic boobitude it t’was.

Here be your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The ‘Stachebagger and Various Jenny Hotts

For creepy oldbaggery hangin’ on to the dream, The Stachebag is all that is gross, leathery and skeezy about Vegasland.

The Jenny tiplets are bordering on “hot Long Island young mom” status, which is a legitimate form of hotness that cannot be discounted.

And Danger Blonde on the left? I see you.

Oh yes I do.

Your buns will not go unbongoed tonight.

Observe the Stachabagger’s epic run here, here and here. White belt. Frosted Faux. I just punched an emu in the balls.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Smoot and Crystal

Smoot first appeared as one of the Cactus Joes, before I realized one of the Joes was a Joe-ette.

By the time Smoot appeared in this pic, mugging Crystal with her cute tongue, his legend was born.

It was only a matter of time before his uberdouchosity would ring out in pics here, here , here and here as the Freakshow(? is it him?).

So many variations.

Tiki doucheland by day? Wrist mandana party bag by night.

Quality hotts being mugged. Consistent douche-face. Stupid $300 ts. Smoot is crying out for victory. And by victory, I mean extensive public shaming in this forum while lusting after his ladies

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Cheeto Man and Boobsie McGee

Cheeto Man has two things working against him in the Weekly.

1. Major potential gaybaggery. As mentioned many times, the Gaybag can be a douchebag, but by lacking a true threat to the hott, Gaybaggery is unthreatening, and thus forms a less potent HCwDB combo.

2. Secondary quality H.C. Sorry, Boobsie. You’re cute, and have impressive attributes, but not on the level of the ‘Stachebagger and Smoot’s hotts.

Then why include this pic in the Weekly?

Because Cheeto Man has one overpowering element that makes him a worthy finalist. Orange. Pure Cheeto Orange.

And no, this is not photoshopped. Cheeto Man first appeared in a Friday Thoughts and Links, and made one more appearance here that creeped me out so much, I pulled it from its own entry and hid it a link.

Think about how epic this clash of HCwDB finalists is. I had to leave off such worthy HCwDB couplings as The Temple Mount, The Pouter Puff, The Chinchilla, Nostradouchemas, Tung and The Bleach Baller.

That’s some serious hottness in presence of toad not to even make the Weekly. Yikes.

But these are your three. And only one coupling may triumph (fail).

Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.

Fan Mail: “yall just a bunch a broke ass wannabes with a bus pass and a red ass”

f’real writes in:

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Somebody needs to run up in herre and kick all yalls asses maybe if yall get a job instead of type on pictures you could pay to go out and have fun instead of mock people who do but whatever it dont mean shit to me yall just a bunch a broke ass wannabes with a bus pass and a red ass you talk shit about another one of my boys tho i will find this website and roll up in it with some hard ass muthaf&ckers and axe handles and pull this shit down. you think you cant be found but when you do the shit talk will end then, son
—-

I resent that. My ass is more a shade of light pink than red.

Fan Mail: "yall just a bunch a broke ass wannabes with a bus pass and a red ass"

f’real writes in:

—
Somebody needs to run up in herre and kick all yalls asses maybe if yall get a job instead of type on pictures you could pay to go out and have fun instead of mock people who do but whatever it dont mean shit to me yall just a bunch a broke ass wannabes with a bus pass and a red ass you talk shit about another one of my boys tho i will find this website and roll up in it with some hard ass muthaf&ckers and axe handles and pull this shit down. you think you cant be found but when you do the shit talk will end then, son
—-

I resent that. My ass is more a shade of light pink than red.

Matt Stafford Pop Quiz

Matt Stafford is to Chuck Norris as:

A. Tight ends are to wide receivers

B. Mike Tyson is to Cicile Tyson

C. John Landis helicopter accidents are to pyrotechnic accidents on the set of Pepsi commercials

D. Ironic 1980s pop culture crutch references are to actually coming up with real humor when the DB1 is hungover and not feeling creative

E. Boobies are to ass pear

Super ‘Baggio Responds

Super ‘Baggio responds in the Friday Haiku comments thread:

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yes its me, the guy in the pic. I just wanted to drop by and say hello and that I love the site! Even when i’m on it:) At least you guys provide some sense of intellect and education. Some of these comments actually made me laugh out loud! That is what differentiates this site from others. It is actually funny, and not a bunch of people leaving absolutely hateful comments about someones personal life, or family, etc….keep up the good work and keep the laughs coming! p.s. – i know longer have highlighted hair…im learning, slowly…but I am learning. you see, HCWDB can change lives:)
—

Crap. Super ‘Baggion seems decent. And with a spectacular hott. Now what do I do? Well at least this pic is douchey. Mocking is still allowed based on the visual evidence.

Super 'Baggio Responds

Super ‘Baggio responds in the Friday Haiku comments thread:

—-
yes its me, the guy in the pic. I just wanted to drop by and say hello and that I love the site! Even when i’m on it:) At least you guys provide some sense of intellect and education. Some of these comments actually made me laugh out loud! That is what differentiates this site from others. It is actually funny, and not a bunch of people leaving absolutely hateful comments about someones personal life, or family, etc….keep up the good work and keep the laughs coming! p.s. – i know longer have highlighted hair…im learning, slowly…but I am learning. you see, HCWDB can change lives:)
—

Crap. Super ‘Baggion seems decent. And with a spectacular hott. Now what do I do? Well at least this pic is douchey. Mocking is still allowed based on the visual evidence.

The Side Order of Freakshow

So I’m at the Coffee Bean this morning to order my daily iced Americano, when the counter guy asks me, “Would you like a heaping freakshow douchescrote mugging a Betty Page with tight butt with your order?”

Excuse me?, I responded.

“Would you like a heaping freakshow douchescrote mugging a Betty Page with tight butt with your order? We’re running a special.”

So I had to say yes.

Because can you really say no to a question like that?