Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Ask DB1: Is Pink Autoscrote?

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DB1,

Sincerely,
Bilbo Baggins
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As with cars and tatts, I refuse to condemn an entire color to the realm of auto-scrote. I also think it’s reductive to claim that color should be determined by socially imposed gender binaries. If we buy into society’s determinant that “pink=girl” and “blue=boy,” are we not letting the very dictates of culture determine what we wear in the same way Ed Hardy overcharges for feces stained t-shirts?

That being said, Pinky McShave here makes a strong argument as he and his “boyz” mug Tiny Dancer on the dance floor.

I turn it over to you. What say you? Are pink clothes on a guy automatically scrotey? Or should we refrain from the douchal condemnation of an entire color on the wavelength spectrum?

Rule of Thumbs

If you have to tattoo “HARD CORE” on your fingers, you are neither “hard,” nor “core.”

Even Svetlana learned that in Poland.

In Scrabble, unless there’s a “double word” bonus, your hands are worth 14 points.

And if you interlace your hands, you’re just CHOARRED. Which makes, like, no sense at all.

In fact there are numerous other eight letter words that would be more appropriate for finger tatting.

Like aardvark.

Or dognapper.

Or milkweed.

Or odometer.

Or psyllium.

The “Rockstar Leniency Rule” Explained

Some remain confused about what exactly is meant by the “Rockstar Leniency Rule.”

To wit (to Chiam Witz), here it is explained again:

In certain specific cases, those in which dressing up in douchesque ways are part of a theatrical or musical spectacle, there is some leeway granted before we tag “douche.”

This covers the carnivalesque superhero (like the WWE), the stage show singer/performer (Kiss, Van Halen) and the from-the-streets success story (Lil’ Wayne, 2Pac, Jewel Kilcher).

If musical success has been achieved, douchosity can be seen as a necessary costume or affect — like whooping cough. It is not necessarily forgivable, it is simply factored in as potentially a part of the performative spectacle.

The second part of the R.L.R. involves factoring in humor or self-deprecation. Justin Timberlake, long seen as a major carrier of the Grieco Virus, has mostly redeemed himself by participating in self mocking and taking the piss out of his “pretty boy” construct. I’m not ready to grant Timberlake a full nottadouche just yet, but he’s on the road of recovery.

Again, this is a case by case basis.

Kid Rock remains an ubersquat both on and off stage, no RLR granted. John Mayer attempts humorous self deprecation to appeal for an RLR, but in his case, Mayer simply reveals the gargantuan ego of the true douche rotting and festering in his soul.

The RLR is never automatic. It merely allows us leeway to account for the performative by the entertainer that we wouldn’t grant to, say, one of the Joey Porsche Long Island poseur crew.

The "Rockstar Leniency Rule" Explained

Some remain confused about what exactly is meant by the “Rockstar Leniency Rule.”

To wit (to Chiam Witz), here it is explained again:

In certain specific cases, those in which dressing up in douchesque ways are part of a theatrical or musical spectacle, there is some leeway granted before we tag “douche.”

This covers the carnivalesque superhero (like the WWE), the stage show singer/performer (Kiss, Van Halen) and the from-the-streets success story (Lil’ Wayne, 2Pac, Jewel Kilcher).

If musical success has been achieved, douchosity can be seen as a necessary costume or affect — like whooping cough. It is not necessarily forgivable, it is simply factored in as potentially a part of the performative spectacle.

The second part of the R.L.R. involves factoring in humor or self-deprecation. Justin Timberlake, long seen as a major carrier of the Grieco Virus, has mostly redeemed himself by participating in self mocking and taking the piss out of his “pretty boy” construct. I’m not ready to grant Timberlake a full nottadouche just yet, but he’s on the road of recovery.

Again, this is a case by case basis.

Kid Rock remains an ubersquat both on and off stage, no RLR granted. John Mayer attempts humorous self deprecation to appeal for an RLR, but in his case, Mayer simply reveals the gargantuan ego of the true douche rotting and festering in his soul.

The RLR is never automatic. It merely allows us leeway to account for the performative by the entertainer that we wouldn’t grant to, say, one of the Joey Porsche Long Island poseur crew.

Flash Gorton

Looks like you caught a fishstick with guyliner, Sally.

Toss it back before it starts singing falsetto karaoke.

Starhead

That reminds me.

Did I leave my greased up starhead kissing an Asian hott at home again?

I hate when I forget to kick it in the nads.

Fool Colt’s Pendulum

Okay, for those whining that Mensa Candidates didn’t have enough hottness in it, I’m pulling the post.

But this is your punishment for annoying the DB1 with whining.

Smell it… smell it… now take it.

This mess is a toxic swirl of HCwDB iconography. Donkey Douche. Chandlerbag. An indeterminate bikini hott. Ubiquitous Red Cup. All these signifiers swirling in one image, recoded and remixed into one giant flashing neon poop.

I declare this pic art.

And by art, I mean AIYEEEEEE!!!! MEIN EYES!!!

Fool Colt's Pendulum

Okay, for those whining that Mensa Candidates didn’t have enough hottness in it, I’m pulling the post.

But this is your punishment for annoying the DB1 with whining.

Smell it… smell it… now take it.

This mess is a toxic swirl of HCwDB iconography. Donkey Douche. Chandlerbag. An indeterminate bikini hott. Ubiquitous Red Cup. All these signifiers swirling in one image, recoded and remixed into one giant flashing neon poop.

I declare this pic art.

And by art, I mean AIYEEEEEE!!!! MEIN EYES!!!

Becca’s Vegas Tag

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hcwdb-

Thanks for the blog. I dig it!
– ‘Becca
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Nice tag ‘Becca, and while I’m not sure whether you’re the brunette getting crunched between Fauxhawk Rocker or the blonde curling up with Roidy McDNeck, I give you props for surviving the exposure to Vegas Scrotery.

I don’t think they lied to you, though. They clearly are male models. They just model diaper poopy.

Becca's Vegas Tag

—-
hcwdb-

Thanks for the blog. I dig it!
– ‘Becca
—-

Nice tag ‘Becca, and while I’m not sure whether you’re the brunette getting crunched between Fauxhawk Rocker or the blonde curling up with Roidy McDNeck, I give you props for surviving the exposure to Vegas Scrotery.

I don’t think they lied to you, though. They clearly are male models. They just model diaper poopy.