Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Brothabag Leon says "Happy Labor Day!"

HCwDB Legend Brothabag Leon, his six pound watch, his 40 degree Douche Hat Tilt, and his Sexy Brazilian Girl wanted to stop by and say Happy Labor Day.

I quote the great Brothabag Leon’s immortal MySpace text:

——
Please pray for me. I had a check up today and I tested positive for SEXY. Im allergic to HATERS, My blood type is ROCKSTAR & the doctor said “THIS IS WHY IM HOT” IF U SCOPING MY PAGE, REQUEST ME, TOP FRIEND ME, AND ENJOY” NO GAY REQUESTS I LOVE STRICTLY WOMEN”
—–

My life’s work will not be fully accomplished until this is listed in Bartlett’s Quotations.

Regular postings resume tomorrow.

WHOOOOOAAA!! Guy Dances

It’s Labor Day Weekend!!

Time to do the “WHOOOOOOAAA!!! Guy Dance”!!

Shiny Head Sheldon

I’m tagging this greaseclown a solid Stage-3 Northeastern ‘Bag.

Poor Sienna. Little does she know, daddy can cut off the trust fund thanks to Grandpa’s hidden “douche clause.”

Your Saturday Vegas Meatclown

Uhm, Vinny?

Stop annoying the cocktail waitresses with tales of how you almost became an MMA fighter in ’04.

Get back behind the bar.

The tour group from Frankfurt would like 16 Fuzzy Navels.

Friday Thoughts and Links

It’s Friday, and your humble, half-drunk and vaguely incoherent narrator on all things hottie/douchey is in the city of San Francisco.

Where Donald Sutherland stopped the new age aliens. Where Harry Callahan’s cultural id monster tortured punks. Where George Lucas spent a few years in the early 70s pretending to be social.

Where the pinnacle of MTV’s The Real World was shot. Where hipsterbag dot-commers went boom and bust a decade ago. Where’s Mrs. O’Leary’s cow had a, well, a cow.

Where the Beats came before the Hippies. Where Naked Lunch was read next to the Mitchell Brothers filming the first porn and R. Crumb drew some zaftig ass pear birthed from deep within his fervered psyche.

And now me. Scratching myself. Sipping an Orange Whip. Lusting after the boobie hottie suckle thigh and thinking of new ways to mock the douchescrote.

Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Three Orange Whips.

Here’s your links:

Confessions of a Dangerous Guido. A legend in the making.

Retro douchebaggery: Mickey Rourke in Wild Orchid O.D.B. Rourke was a central figure in the initial wave of ballsweat that swamped the ladies in the late 1980s.

Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman to diddle on film. Mmmm… Semitic sapphic sexy scumptuousness.

The Gator wins an award, dresses like a douchey David Bowie.

Since he lost the Monthly, Schmuckhead’s Claudina Ass Pear and Friends have abandoned him.

Ed Hardy USB Ports. For when you need 8 gigs of douchebaggery freed up on your hard drive.

Future reality TV footnote Jon Gosselin scrotes it up at a Vegas Pool Party.

The Economist magazine gets all sciencey in its study of douchonomics. Or you could’ve just linked to my site, Economist writers. And nice job predicting the 2008 meltdown.

Best HCwDB prank of the year.

And finally, here’s your sandy ass pear. Real or not, I love her. Or if you prefer the real thing, here’s some Assian Pear.

For it’s almost the end of summer. And we must reflect.

The Beach Troll “Sings”

If ever a video embodied West Coast HCwDB, this is it. Yesterday’s Beach Troll, seen here and here, in inglourious 2D.

(look for the hilarious “wall hump” at 2:11)

The Beach Troll "Sings"

If ever a video embodied West Coast HCwDB, this is it. Yesterday’s Beach Troll, seen here and here, in inglourious 2D.

(look for the hilarious “wall hump” at 2:11)

The Fuzz Brothers

The Fuzz Brothers.

Using “Hey! If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?” in bars all over greater Peoria since April of 09.

Because it worked once. In April of 09.

Friday Haiku

Like salty salt lick,
The Douche Cow chews her tasty moons,
“Wait, yo, that’s not cud.”

Doctor: Son, you have
the worst case of pink eye that
I have ever seen.

– Sergent Scrote Stain

Bag Salad Tosser
Runs wild in Tiki Douche(Deutsch)land
Nein! Young Fraulein laughs

– J-Pompous

Excuse me, beach-douche
Your head is up your own ass
Stay away from hers

– Justin

“Hold on a minute,
Okay, now I can see your
Hand when mouth’s open.”

– Crucial Head

it’s like a train wreck
everybody stops and stares
cuffed jeans at the beach

– Roscoe P. Scrotestain

Chris breaks wind with blush
Barry can not get enough
The voodoo of poo

– Franklyn Delano Doucheifelt

my cheeks very strong
like tongue stuck on frozen pole
oops i might have gas

– eltango

The Beach Troll II

PIC DELETED

Say what you will about this morning’s Beach Troll.

But when he takes his Beatrix Kiddo out for an evening on the town, he maintains a preturnatural consistency of douchescrote that is a flatline of even, balanced taint level.

Day or night, beach or bar, the truly ascendant ‘bag never deviates. For that we must respeck.

And by respeck, I mean mock his chin pubes.