Friday, September 18, 2009

    Ask DB1: Resistance to Mocking?


    —-
    Hey DB1,

    I’m a long-time fan, first time e-mailer. There is something that has been bothering me….

    Yesterday I was studying pesticide use on farms, and the textbook explained that pests, over time, will become immune to the particular chemical..The farmers would then have to resort to different forms of chemical to kill the pests.

    This got me thinking about douchebags. Does mocking them make them immune to further mocking (i.e. Donkey Douche, Arthur Kade)? If you take a look at culture right now, people continue to be walking billboards, and Ed Hardy still stays strong. Do we have to resort to other forms of douche protesting, like physical beatings?

    Jason
    —-

    While I grant you that the last year of Hardy-esque resurgence in douchal apparel has made me wonder if the tide is still turning, there have been a number of victories in our war due to our power of mock.

    Ridiculous bling has become more muted. Popped collar is going extinct. Gang gestures and sneery lips are also less prevalent.

    This doesn’t mean this war won’t continue and get worse. There are billions of dollars to be made by saturating our mediascape with an entanglement between erotics and market product. Brands like Axe Bodyspray and L.A. Looks, and many of the cheesy energy drink companies, are incorporating self-mock and pseudo-irony to stay in the game.

    There’s a long way to go. But we’re making in-roads.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, September 18, 2009

    The Nordic ‘Bag


    Oh Denmark.

    First Smørrebrød.

    Now this.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, September 18, 2009

    The Nordic 'Bag


    Oh Denmark.

    First Smørrebrød.

    Now this.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, September 18, 2009

    Friday Haiku


    Young ‘bag, still not wise.
    When brunette shakes ass pear tree,
    Thou must get lost, douche.

    I’ve seen that buckle
    on NeverEnding Story
    He is the Nothing

    — jonezy

    Jenny strikes a pose
    Next to Jason’s stiffened corpse
    Models can be cruel

    – Mr. White

    James Earl Jones would puke.
    Thulsa Doom’s snake emblem, eh?
    Nothing is sacred.

    – “Lesbian Thermos” Ernie Tubesock

    Shapely haunches, but
    no white pants past Labor Day.
    You’re no Snake Pliskin.

    – Bag A

    Nice vegetation
    By vegetation I mean
    Nutritious Ass pear

    – teh abominable snowdouche

    When nervous, this scrote
    Gets both panties and his shirt
    Tied up in a bunch.

    – Crucial Head

    pairing looks like… Congratulation Mr. Choad’s Wild Ride. Imma let you finish. Everybody knows Crucial had the best haiku of all time.

    — Mr. Choad’s Wild Ride

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, September 17, 2009

    Terry Christ

    Far be it for me to make fun of a memorial tattoo, but unless I’m reading your left pec incorrectly, was Jesus your grandfather?

    So can I call you Terry? Or Mr. Christ?

    That will totally get you and Holly Hott past the line at Hyde.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, September 17, 2009

    Blaming Dirk Benedict


    I’ve noticed in the threads lately a push to blame legendary 1970s/80s TV star Dirk Benedict as one of the originators of the grand Hollywood douche plague.

    This is unfair. I must object.

    Anyone who starred with Willie Ames in the lost classic of the screwball caper genre, Scavenger Hunt, earns massive props.

    The actor who played the original Battlestar Gallactica Starbuck as an alcoholic, cigar chomping, girl chasing, scenery chewing douchebag is not, therefore, a douchebag.

    And what of Benedict’s brilliant avant-garde work using the Meisner Technique to bring out the subtleties of Faceman in The A-Team? It changed modern acting as we know it.

    Dirk Benedict was not a douchebag. He just played one on TV, with great irony and self awareness. For that, he earns a lifetime nottadouche.

    What has Dirk Benedict been up to lately? Here he is auditioning for Battlestar Funtopia, along with 80s douche Corbin Bernsen.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, September 17, 2009

    Long Island Douche Ferns

    Add water, hair gel, overprized tees bought at Nordstrom and a degree from DeVry, and expect little growth for the next 40-60 years.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, September 17, 2009

    Dog the Booty Hunter


    Yup. It’s HCwDB legend, Dog.

    Liver.

    Lover.

    Penicillin user.

    As to the lady, I can’t tell if she’s naked or wearing a small, rubber, flesh covered watermelon, so I’m going with it.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, September 17, 2009

    The Hardy Boy and the Case of the Bleethy Brunette


    It sucks when you bust out the truly douchey “Double Ed Hardy” (coat plus tee), and your girlfriend is still able to outdouche you.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, September 17, 2009

    What Happens in Vegas Ends up on HCwDB


    Yup, it’s creepy Eyebrowless Guy again, his sneery best bud Hal, and two cocktail waitresses they picked up by the nickel slots.

    I can’t remember where the hell these two appeared on the site’s archives, so I’ll leave it up to ‘bag tagger extraordinaire Wheezer in the threads.

    Alls I know is my monitor just got the lip herp from this pic. My Norton Antivirus software just filed a grievance with the labor commission.

    # posted by douchebag1
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