Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

FroMo and Lil’ Sadie Hottkins

Let this be a lesson to all of us.

You don’t need to be able to grow facial hair yet to be a true bar stud. Alls you need are piercings, oranged up smooth chest, and, of course, greased up faux/mo’.

Once accomplished, you too can give the “Dwayne Johnson as ‘The Rock'” glare while fondling the little girl lost raunch charm of Lil’ Sadie Hottkins.

FroMo and Lil' Sadie Hottkins

Let this be a lesson to all of us.

You don’t need to be able to grow facial hair yet to be a true bar stud. Alls you need are piercings, oranged up smooth chest, and, of course, greased up faux/mo’.

Once accomplished, you too can give the “Dwayne Johnson as ‘The Rock'” glare while fondling the little girl lost raunch charm of Lil’ Sadie Hottkins.

Reader Mail: From Russia With Love

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Hi DB1! 🙂

My friends and I love your site! Attached I am submitting a picture (take tonight) of myself and two of my friends. If you need our names, I’m Nina Gladkochtchekova (yes I am Russian), in the yellow top is Tim and in the grey is Carlos, aka the Crow. Thanks!

HCwDB Halloween Pics

The first pics of 2009 are coming in, like this one here. Nice job on the hooch hott, but the ‘bag could’ve used more Ed Hardy and at least one garish fake tatt.

Still, good work.

For those of you considering going as HCwDBs this year, here’s the rundown of last year’s award winning costumes (in random order):

——–
1. KH and Asian Sailorette storm the beaches at Douchemandy.
2. Brett M Guidos it Up in style.
3. Carson Y Macks. And then muscles it up to some boobies.
4. Cathie B brings the Winehouse while her boyfriend busts ‘Bag.
5. Cory B’s costume is so good, I almost ran it as a real pic.
6. Crissy and her boyfriend bring tremendous hottie/douchey forces into play.
7. Seth M busts literal signage, multi-colors and two hotts. Good work, Seth.
8. The Anti-Douche and his Hott overwhelm with a perfect Halloween combo.
9. Tom L and his Smokin’ Hott are almost too realistic. Are you sure this is Halloween?
10. I’m not convinced Dante is really in costume. But the limo is genius.

Baggin M ‘bags it up.
Brian C gets down.
Dante and his Boyz formed a Halloween douche posse.
Donk Diggler goes to town.
Gaw says “Whassup?”
Erik K is orange.
FSDU’s Douche Costume is minimal but his hott is for real. Goddamn.
Frankie forgets the Hott but makes a helluva douche.
Les Douches are actually kind of scaring me.
Double X has the costume, but where are the kissy lips?
Paul A earns a kiss for his costumed douchosity.
Billy B has the perfect costume and sidekick, but no hotts, sadly.
The Minnesotans know how to mock the douche.
Michael M goes “Double Pop” with a Sailor Cutie in tow.
Steve Makes Kissy Lips with a Naughty Nun.
Jordan J’s Tatts look just a tad too real to be costumey douche.
Billy B Busts a Move
LL is a Douche Bandit with yet another Sailor Hott.
GT and Alice make a surreal hott/douche coupling.
Here’s Mike and Randy, who just sent me one last pic to make the cut.
—-

And, of course, last year’s Winner of the contest.

Last year was good times. I can’t see how this year’s’ll come close to matching that lineup. But lets see what people can come up with.

Beating Christian Audiger at “Rock, Paper, Scissors”

One… two… three… SHOOT.

I win again.

I could play this all day.

Beating Christian Audiger at "Rock, Paper, Scissors"

One… two… three… SHOOT.

I win again.

I could play this all day.

The Theory of Mandanativity

It was the great Armenian physicist, Blake Havasu, who first proposed the Theory of Mandanativity, at a conference in Copenhagen in 1942. It went like so:

As mandana moves lower and hawk rises higher, the chance of pink baseball caps on hoochie hot increases exponentially, ipso facto, reductio ad absurdum.

Or, in mathematical terms:

D/b(ag)2 = M/x + (H*y) Σ P*z

Laugh now, but someday you may need that formula.

The Bagpoleon Complex

There’s clearly a distinct correlation between shortbags and overdeveloped abs in pursuit of hott fondle.

Donkey Douche Voted

One of the great HCwDB legends of all things scrotal, the immortal Donkey Douche, decided to stop by with a couple of new ladies (and his apprentice, Hal) and vote in the Weekly.

DB legends like DD do not grow old.

They just grow more orange.

HCwDB of the Week

Your humble narrator had a relaxing weekend munching on processed sugar snacks and enjoying a tasty beverage. But tasty beverages are not enough. There’s work to be done.

The Weekly appears to be a mismatch. But we’ve seen mismatches go to the underdogs before. Will it happen this time? That’s where you come in. Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Etch-a-Head and Gloria

Originally posted as a “Caption This Pic” contest, Head Sketchy brings significant douhetributes to the Weekly.

Waxed brows.

Ridic ear bling.

Landing strip chin.

Standard issue MMA t-shirt.

And, of course, the Etch-a-Head.

Gloria is fiery Latina curvaceous hottness, with perky nose, sexy hooch eyeshadow, and boobs a boobsin’.

She is quality first generation salsa goodness.

He has a wrist tattoo.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Lincoln Log

Knocked out of the last Weekly due to the high competition, I’m making an executive decision and placing The Log in this Weekly. He deserves another shot at being mocked.

The Log is true West Coast Inland Empire douche at work.

Muscle t-shirt. Strange facial pubes. Undeserved “tough” attitude. Hand gesture. Abe Lincoln arm tatt.

That’s right. Abe Lincoln arm tatt.

Four score and seven hours ago, the Log was lying in a puddle of vomit wondering where his life went wrong.

The ladies? They bring dual generic West Coast hottitude.

Nothing spectacular or innovative. Nothing really inspiring in a sui generis sort of way. But quality hotness nonetheless. And a bitable suckle leg.

Whether he wins or not,”Pucker” needs a soggy rye to the face.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Poopaloompa
Normally with an orange mutant this ridiculous, I’d be inclined to move him straight to the Closet of Poo and be done with it.

But methinks the Poopa deserves his shot in the Weekly.

The drawback?

A less than A-List, albeit wholesome, girl next door. Is she enough to hold up the HC side? Or can the Poopa’s poopitude create a poopulous vortext of pee?

Missing the cut, but deserving consideration for Hall of Hott is Santabag’s Elf Hott and the puddwackitude of The Floater.

But them’s your three.

Which coupling shall prove victorious/rank? That, my friends, is up to you.

Vote, as eternal, in the comments thread.