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Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Ask DB1: The Worker’s Moral Choice
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DB1-
I work in a liquor store in New Jersey where we sell fine wine and excellent beers. But we also sell Red Cups, Ed Hardy Beer, and Ed Hardy Vodka. Thankfully, we do not sell that other sign of the Apocalypse, Ed Hardy Wine.
Now I’m just a worker, not a decision-maker, so if someone asks for any of those items, I have to assist. Yet I feel so dirty for doing so, and I believe that I’m aiding and abetting douchey behavior, but I do need this job. How can I cleanse this from my soul, while keeping my job?
(No name, please. I seriously need this job.)
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You are a secondary purveyor of douchal echo, NNPISNTJ. So I’m willing to forgive in that you are working at a more general establishment, a liquor store, and not a prime nodal douche-point (Axe Factory, Ed Hardy Clothing, etc.). Therefore, there is hope. You can still do good from within by guiding your customers away from such tainted product purchase.
As detailed in Kevin Smith’s Clerks, workers make a voluntary moral choice when choosing to be employed. That being said, the difference between working for evil or nefarious forces such as the Empire, or a douchey Jerz liquor store is legitimate.
Be strong. For you can still become a ‘bag hunter.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009Ask DB1: The Worker's Moral Choice
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DB1-
I work in a liquor store in New Jersey where we sell fine wine and excellent beers. But we also sell Red Cups, Ed Hardy Beer, and Ed Hardy Vodka. Thankfully, we do not sell that other sign of the Apocalypse, Ed Hardy Wine.
Now I’m just a worker, not a decision-maker, so if someone asks for any of those items, I have to assist. Yet I feel so dirty for doing so, and I believe that I’m aiding and abetting douchey behavior, but I do need this job. How can I cleanse this from my soul, while keeping my job?
(No name, please. I seriously need this job.)
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You are a secondary purveyor of douchal echo, NNPISNTJ. So I’m willing to forgive in that you are working at a more general establishment, a liquor store, and not a prime nodal douche-point (Axe Factory, Ed Hardy Clothing, etc.). Therefore, there is hope. You can still do good from within by guiding your customers away from such tainted product purchase.
As detailed in Kevin Smith’s Clerks, workers make a voluntary moral choice when choosing to be employed. That being said, the difference between working for evil or nefarious forces such as the Empire, or a douchey Jerz liquor store is legitimate.
Be strong. For you can still become a ‘bag hunter.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009Caption Gloria’s Thought
“Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t have bought Ramon that microshaver Etch-a-Sketch for Christmas.”
Caption Gloria's Thought
“Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t have bought Ramon that microshaver Etch-a-Sketch for Christmas.”
Hot Chicks with Buckbags
Canuck Soldier writes in from Afghanistan:
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Hi, just thought I’d drop you a quick line from the sandbox.
Love the site, one of the few consistently laugh out loud websites I frequent. Also, the quality daily hot is much appreciated when one is in a barren land such as this with so few hots to be found. My copy of your book was wildly popular here, and I think it made the rounds through most of my unit.
I’m afraid I don’t have any DB+Hot pics to share, but I did recently bump into some quality ass pear….with buck…I’m actually not sure what to make of it, maybe you can offer some insight. Does douchie-ness extend to the rest of the animal kingdom?
Keep up the good work.
– A Canuck Soldier in Afghanistan
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Normally I rule out the animal kingdom as possessing douche-worthy qualities, as conscious ‘baggery remains a distinctly human endeavor. Sure there’s the occasional douchey-ass lemur, but for the most part, animals are exempt. That being said, this deer is a douche.
Note the deer’s double hornhawk. Stage-3 horn douche. Also the deer’s smug kissy-face in presence of Bikini Hott. And finally, his chinpubes. Short, evenly trimmed and in the shape of a deer chin. Unacceptable. This deer is a huge scrotebag.
Good work, Private. Carry on.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009The Hello Kitty Gangsta ‘Bag
Because nothing says “air gatt” quite like lavendar Hello Kitty biker gloves.
EDIT: Props to Captain Bringdown for finding the Hypothetical Gun’s original appearance on the site back in January here.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009The Hello Kitty Gangsta 'Bag
Because nothing says “air gatt” quite like lavendar Hello Kitty biker gloves.
EDIT: Props to Captain Bringdown for finding the Hypothetical Gun’s original appearance on the site back in January here.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009The Floater
Because nothing says “ready to swim” like double mandanas on the arm, four necklaces, greased up hair spike, and pokey red Spiderman underoos.
Oh Zoë.
You smile as if you aren’t standing next to a Floater that smells like bacon and bodspray. But, wait! What’s that? Your belly calls out to me:
Zoë Belly: Poooochhhh me!!!
What’s that, Zoë Belly?
Zoë Belly: Pooooochhhh me, DB1!!! Slather my button!! Barrump my tummy like an Arctic seal with lupus!!!
Well. If you insist.
But first, I must chapstick.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009Breaking: Steelers Kicker Jeff Reed is Still a Douche
Although he was technically “coming to the aid” of another drunk player, it’s yet more evidence of Reedbaggery.
I hereby declare Pittsburgh Steeler and HCwDB mainstay Jeff Reed to be Honorary Douchebag of Every Sunday During Football Season:
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Steelers’ kicker Reed cited for public intoxication
By Jason Cato, TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Monday, October 19, 2009
Pittsburgh police arrested Steelers kicker Jeff Reed last night after he tried to come to the aid of a teammate being cited for urinating in public, Sgt. Tina Davidson said.
Police responded to an unrelated incident at McFadden’s, a North Shore bar and restaurant across a parking lot from Heinz Field, around 9 p.m., Davidson said. While there, officers spotted a man urinating outside a white sport utility vehicle and began to give the man — identified as Steelers tight end Matt Spaeth — a ticket when Reed exited the vehicle, Davidson said.
“The officers told him several times to get back in the vehicle, but he did not listen,” Davidson said. “Mr. Reed then squared up with an officer by bringing his fists up.”
Officers tackled Reed and cuffed him at the scene, Davidson said. “He smelled of a strong odor of alcohol and appeared to be intoxicated,” Davidson said. Reed, 30, was charged with simple assault and resisting arrest, both misdemeanor counts, as well as disorderly conduct and public intoxication.
No court dates have been set.
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The Santabag
Ironically, all he wants for Christmas are his two front teeth.
