Friday Thoughts and Links
I ponder the human form on this breezy Los Angeles Friday. The Ed Hardy-ization of the self.
Yet even as I weep for the present Hardpocalypse, I toast the future.
For we will move through the spectacles and find the truth, even as our brains become ever more cluttered by the shouting heads on TV, the noises on our phones, the blinking lights on our streets and the greased up moobs in our clubs.
I’m feelin’ optimistic on this Friday. But it could be the plate of wheat germ and mashed yeast I just enjoyed.
Here’s your links:
It’s always worthwhile to remember and honor the greatest seven minutes in cinema history. Put that coffee down.
In case you were wondering when the HC is the DB, I give you: Douchebaguettes.
How to battle the Ed Hardy plague? Australia fights back. “No dressing up like David Beckham” for the win.
Next thing you’ll tell me, babies are douching it up in the womb. At least I think that’s a baby. It could be Quatto from Total Recall.
The usually pretentious and cloying McSweeney’s does a nice job targeting the The Weightliftscreamerbag.
What to do with the detritus of ‘bag culture? Recycle.
Last week’s Shake Weight infomercial has a pretty funny YouTube parody.
John Gosselin tries to de-douchify through ironic comedy and ditching the Ed Hardy. Is still a douchebag.
Okay. You’ve been good. For watching John Gosselin attempt comedy, you’ve earned it:
Enjoy it with an after dinner mint.
Wow, that ass pear has some terrific TONE.
And now I have a stiff BONE.
**clenches buttocks**
I love Lamp.
**unclenches buttocks**
OK, which one of you posted on that Aussie page?
[jamdatmofo says…
on November 12th, 2009
If anyone is wondering "I wonder if I'll get in wearing this?" Please refer to this link as an extra reference point. http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/%5D
That is some fine ass pear. I get the feeling that she could murder me by crushing my larynx with her freakishly strong vagina muscles.
I would wimper happily into death.
The camera over-exposure almost obscures the cleavage …. *almost*
Wow.
I love the tropical asspear
I miss my Friday lamp.
I bet the all have the matching floormats. Douche-bags, top to bottom.
Speaking of bottoms, J-Bone's sister looks pretty good in that ass-pear shot.
In case you're looking for more (and there's plenty of pics out there), that luscious ass pear's name is Jamie Eason.
The douchebagettes are freaken hott.
**clicks on**
I Love Ass Pear – and ImageWrangler is a bitter, bitter person
**clicks off**
The Weightlifter bit had be doing a few LULZ.
Unfortunately, the Australian club owner is now going to have a club that's populated by tumbleweeds.
Lamp:
You'd be bitter too if you owed Nicky the Fish $10 grand because of Poopaloompa's win last month.
The brunette douchebaguette looks like she shaved her armpit with bleach.
I am currently enjoying the cleavite being flashed by the brunette in the current pic for this post.
And by "enjoying," I mean IOB.
All babies look like douchebag’s when they’re born. It’s called Original Scrote.
Whërë’s my frïënd LLÄMMMËËRÏÄ??
We will be defending the Australian club owner from the inevitable discrimination lawsuit.
Look at the retard on the left. He can't even formulate an acceptable douche gesture. Fucking douche.
These guys have the intellectual curiosity and capacity for introspection of a row of Jack-o-Lanterns.
Ed Hardy ban or not, I don't think I would ever be caught dead in the Ding Dong Lounge. Not that there's anything wrong with that…
ooh, that asspear is the slutiest looking slut i've seen this side of the slut river in slutington (west slutford).
she even makes the trees look slutty.
i have a bonk-on.
That Ass Pear's name is Jamie Eason.
Enjoy.
Ah Jamie Eason, those fine holiday hams only get me more excited for Thanksgiving. Normally I would comment on how I would like to baste that delicious looking back meat of hers, but must refrain from doing so this time as I would fear that she would snap my member like a slim jim with her powerful vag-tastic.
I'm gonna go ahead and say that from what I've seen of actor Michael Cera, Jon Gosselin is actually just about as talented/responds to stimuli from the same "place" it seems.
The difference being, we now contextually think of Gosselin as an idiot douchebag and Cera as a young, cutesy funny actor/ there is something the collective "we" likes about Cera possibly due to age, the way he looks while delivering, etc.
most of our decisions as to the actors we like/dont like and why really boils down to relatability/enviability and not their actual raw talent. Philip Seymour Hoffman being a classic example of the antithesis of that.
I'm not sure if i'm dissing Cera or actually sorta defending Gosselin but as a novice but decent actor myself who had studied many other actors, i can say that they're about the same and the nuances that make "us" luck Cera are less talent and more his luck-of-the-draw genetically.
I dont know why i felt the need to say this at all…that ass pear's got my mind all wacked out.
have a great wekend y'all!
Army of DOuche-ness
Douchebag photographer. How can he fuck up the auto-flash on a camera?
@The Observation Specialist
Damn you! Now I'm never getting any work done!…unless gratuitous fwopping counts as work 😉
And good on you Australia, the rest of the world should follow your fine example.
…I'll be busy now building a 50 foot tall replica of tropical ass pear from used Ed Hardy butt plugs.
…cause I'm architectural like that.
Jamie Eason was also featured in a couple of hcwdb pics not so long back, including a haiku pic.
Wheezer?
I just flipped on CNN, and scrolling across the bottom was this flabbergasting revelation:
Šαmuræ Scrðte once tack welded his penis to the inside of Jessica Biel's ovaries on the set of 7th Heaven… under the scrupulous scrutiny of the honorable Reverend Eric Camden.
I’m still trying to digest all that this signifies, and how it relates to the coming apocalypse in 2012.
Here are some Jamie Eason/HCwDB links for all of you to enjoy.
And by "enjoy," I mean "fwap and fwop to."
As I'll be doing in 3…..2…..1…..
Yea, c'mon Wheeze, when was Jamie Eason featured here? It's been 5 minutes already.
We don't have all day.
H-O-L-Y S-H-I-T!!!!
Wheezer is omniscient?
Omniscient? No, I type slowly, especially when slobbering over Ass Pear and with at least 5 of my fingers trying to flog the dolphin.
I though omniscient meant you didn't believe in electricity, drove a horse and buggy, and made your wife wear a silly bonet all the time?
Matthew Stafford could probably get Jaime Eason
Wheezer, words do not do that link justice. You are a scholar and a gentleman.
Okay, it's Friday night and I gots nothing going on.
But at least I'm not in that room having my balls vaporized by Alec Baldwin. So I guess it all kind of evens out.
DAMN, that is such a *great* movie!
The Shake Weight parody is awesome. The Ellen DeGeneres Shake Weight clip is cute too.
@ Walrus Whisker
McSweeney's is hysterical. Read as much as you can: the lists, Dan Liebert Verbal Cartoonist and just the day to day front page submissions are great.
Frankenstein says:
Ass Pear GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
Fire BAAAAAAAAAD!
Oh Phoebe Cates! Why?! Whhhhhhyyyyy, must you hang with Hardy Douches!
McSweeney's rocks, rocks and rocks.
Ass Pear Easton has a little apricot tucked in there too.
Douchebaguettes are worse than Bleeths. Do they bring down nice guys into douchebags?
Well companions, I'm 'bout to jump on the whiskey train and take a ride straight to the drunk tank. I'll do my best to sav a hott along the way…
Or at least puke on her shoes, ruin her night, and send her home sans douchebag.
We all have to do our part. And by part, I mean porch beef.
God's speed bag hunters.
^ "save"
I might have already boarded the train, don't judge me.
How many tins of porch beef must one consume before he has to visit the emergency room? Seriously, I think I might be in trouble here.
^ 8.9 Pubic Litres of porch beef is considered lethal.
So, use that to guide your actions.
When in Rome…
I'm in New York City. I hate this place.
Yo think THAT is the best 7 minutes of cinema? Dude – you're fucking high as a kite.
This is s the the real deal. Real Art.
punk ass mofo.
the "squeeze your cum from a stone" parody video led me to another video called "Guinness World Record's Biggest Zit Ever?!" holy shit i think that is the zit equivalent of the Gator. just thought i'd like to share.
You want cinematic genius? Watch Salò o le 120 giornate di Sodoma and then tell me how great Alec Baldwin is.
That is some hella ass pear. I'd like to sink my teeth into it, but I'd have to drink my steaks through a straw from then on. Gawd-damn!!!!
Y'all think that's a smokin' hot picture of Jamie? Well think again. When I saw this, my penis had a stroke.
It was a painful series of strokes. The recovery will be long and hard, but I'm helping the little guy pull through.
Great ass, but, she might beat you wimps in an arm wresting contest… What, do you just grab photos off the web and post 'em every friday. Have some creative license and do a photo shoot. Oh wait, I forgot. You're just here to analyze male schmucks, not take pics of hot babes for a website that obviously deserves an upgrade in babe display. Earn your dough but for God's sake grow a creative one when it comes to Friday hotties. In my life…
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
@Anon 0332
Yeah because what the internet really is lacking is a website where people post their own pictures of women. I mean, I have surfed the web for hours and never, ever seen any. What a radically brilliant, creative idea you have had. Maybe you should start this website? I am sure that such a revolutionary concept as an internet page filled with bad snaps of random women would attract many, many viewers. Can you patent ideas like this? I don't think so. Which is a shame. They ought to let you have a patent on the idea, just this once, in recognition of your amazing idea. A website with your pictures of women on. I still cannot get over how utterly brilliant and creative you are.
Wow. Sorry, I am having trouble finishing this post. I am just so excited by this idea. By the fact that I was here at the birth of what may be a new era in the web. Using it to share pictures of women. Wow. Just… Wow. Creative genius at its absolute best. Sir? I salute you. The world salutes you.
maybe you should just rename this webpage to stupidwomen.com. or blindwomen.com. take care.
@ Jacques Doucheteau 12:58 AM,
whoa Jacques what are you trying to do to MY penis with this kind of nipple exposure?! just mutilate YOUR penis. don't get mine involved.
actually, on second thought…
by the by, good for Australia.
Strangely, I find myself not minding this particular Groin Shave Reveal. Perhaps it's the choice of subject matter.
Excuse me, I must go and meditate on this issue.
And by "meditate on this issue," I mean "fwop."
@ Troy 11:25
Ummm yeah; muuuch better. What next: a discourse on how Yoko Ono outrocks Slayer?
You reference tiresome twaddle like this clip not because you appreciate it but rather because you desire how your presentation of it paints you, you painfully self-aware MENSA peacock.
You insufferable pompous squib. You are the epitome of smug academia, to the point of being cliched self-caricature.
In the world of the intelligentsia, you're the equivalent of goob that goes shirtless in the club and grunts loudly in the gym.
If we give you a cookie will you stop, please? Or at least get a Twitter account, where your poseur blather about horse shit like how "The Life Aquatic" is best enjoyed with French subtitles belongs?
Jamie Eason is hardcore Rippedpear.
who the fux john gosselin?
it was the actual moment i clicked on 'publish comment' that i realised i could just google it.
i have a hangover.
i just looked at the asspear picture again.
i have another bonk-on.
aah, right…he's a fukking nobody.
Geez, I got all excited thinking that bit of cinematic genius was going to be something like "Girls Who Eat Cum" or "Ass Attack". Guess we all have our own opinions.
69!!!
@Lamp. No, just like variety. And asspear.
Was this take at the Douchetuplet convention?
Damn… two more and it'd be Snow White and the Seven Douche
Glen-DALE!!!