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Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The Cure For Constipation
1. Put on your cheapest Ed Hardy
2. Lean over a well endowed lady friend’s boobs (for inspiration)
3. Flex intensely
4. Make “The Kissy Lips”
5. Squeeze
Tuesday, November 17, 2009Pootiny on the Bounty
I’m convinced that, in many of the rural regions of this country, owning a small boat on a lake is like owning a Lamborghini in Miami.
It is vehicular douchosity.
Then again, so are lame Chinese body tatts that order “Beef with Broccoli” in Mandarin while making the “Rocker Horns,” all while the secretarial pool from Initech take the weekend off.
And yes, that’s an Ed Hardy bikini on Shawna on the left.
Or, as I like to think of it, the modern equivalent of Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009Ask DB1: “The Cosmobag”
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DB1,
I was wondering if you could discuss a new trending topic I’ve seen sweeping the douchebag nation.
It’s something I like to call it the “I’m from NY/LA/Miami/Las Vegas” phenomenon.
It seems to me like the cool thing to do now is for douchebags (AND douchebagettes – they may actually be more guilty of this than your typical run-of-the-mill dbag) to claim that they’re “located in” or “are from” a number of big cities where the doucherity flows like wine and the Bleeths flock like the salmon of Capistrano.
Am I missing something?
Do dbags have out of body experiences resulting in their presence in multiple places at one moment in time?
Keep fighting the good fight,
— Saving Private Guido
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What you are referring to, SPG, is the Cosmopolitan scrote, aka “The Cosmobag.” Cosmobags attempt a perpetually distracted and constant Blackberry checking ‘tude that suggests a perpetual “high roller” travel schedule. This implies untold wealth in other cities (not the one they’re in). Multiple homes where they “Run with the Goose” in various sundry party scenarios. That exist only in their imagination.
It is another oblique strategy that marks true douche, and you are correct to highlight its strategic use in the act of nightlife presentation.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009Ask DB1: "The Cosmobag"
—–
DB1,
I was wondering if you could discuss a new trending topic I’ve seen sweeping the douchebag nation.
It’s something I like to call it the “I’m from NY/LA/Miami/Las Vegas” phenomenon.
It seems to me like the cool thing to do now is for douchebags (AND douchebagettes – they may actually be more guilty of this than your typical run-of-the-mill dbag) to claim that they’re “located in” or “are from” a number of big cities where the doucherity flows like wine and the Bleeths flock like the salmon of Capistrano.
Am I missing something?
Do dbags have out of body experiences resulting in their presence in multiple places at one moment in time?
Keep fighting the good fight,
— Saving Private Guido
—-
What you are referring to, SPG, is the Cosmopolitan scrote, aka “The Cosmobag.” Cosmobags attempt a perpetually distracted and constant Blackberry checking ‘tude that suggests a perpetual “high roller” travel schedule. This implies untold wealth in other cities (not the one they’re in). Multiple homes where they “Run with the Goose” in various sundry party scenarios. That exist only in their imagination.
It is another oblique strategy that marks true douche, and you are correct to highlight its strategic use in the act of nightlife presentation.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009Caption This Pic
Tony’s crop circle hair and face sucking ability inspired M. Night Shyamalan’s latest thriller, “The Hackening.”
Wedding ‘Baggers
Da dum da dum… da dum da dum… da dum de scrotes, dum de scrotes, smells like poo poo…
As if the hand gestures weren’t bad enough, out comes the douche poses.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009Wedding 'Baggers
Da dum da dum… da dum da dum… da dum de scrotes, dum de scrotes, smells like poo poo…
As if the hand gestures weren’t bad enough, out comes the douche poses.
Monday, November 16, 2009Reader Mail: Jennifer’s Superdouche Tag
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TO DB1:
These are some pics of douches we met in Seattle’s infamous bar, Amber.
They thought it was necessary to do these outrageous poses for whatever reason. The lights were really dim, and one guy thought he actually pulled off the “just got off the yacht” tanned look. He almost did until we clearly saw his orange face from the flash in the pictures. LOL.
Anyway, let me know if any of these pictures make it onto the blog.
xoxo,
Jennifer
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I don’t know which of these three ladies are you, Jennifer. But I know that this is a quality ‘bag tag, worth at least 350 points on “Douche Hunter,” and so I would thank you. By massaging your temples with melted tuscan chocolates and light, powdered ‘nilla extract.
Until you grew bored and texted your BFF to come over before I went for the boob.
Reader Mail: Jennifer's Superdouche Tag
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TO DB1:
These are some pics of douches we met in Seattle’s infamous bar, Amber.
They thought it was necessary to do these outrageous poses for whatever reason. The lights were really dim, and one guy thought he actually pulled off the “just got off the yacht” tanned look. He almost did until we clearly saw his orange face from the flash in the pictures. LOL.
Anyway, let me know if any of these pictures make it onto the blog.
xoxo,
Jennifer
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I don’t know which of these three ladies are you, Jennifer. But I know that this is a quality ‘bag tag, worth at least 350 points on “Douche Hunter,” and so I would thank you. By massaging your temples with melted tuscan chocolates and light, powdered ‘nilla extract.
Until you grew bored and texted your BFF to come over before I went for the boob.
Faux or Background Bottles?
Okay kids, time to play another round of the game that’s sweeping the nation, Faux or Background Bottles?
Ah what point does Party Patrick’s multi-greased fauxhawk end, and the bottles on the background shelf begin?
