Thursday, November 19, 2009
The Salt Licker Softly Weeps
This week’s HCwDB of the Week loser (winner), The Salt Lick, is not taking his loss (win) very well.
In protest over the vote, The ‘Lick went out and got the Gaelic symbol for “semi-employed” tattoed on his belly button. And now he’s macking on Tiny Lori with only semi-efforted douchosity.
Because The Licker’s blue.
He wanted scrotal appreciation. And we gave him only disinterest. Which is like spiritual death to a ‘bag.
"I'm sad because I will never have babies. This tattoo shows where my ovum would be. Two of them. Maybe this chick will donate hers."
The tattoo is Germanic, not Celtic. It means, "Toes Go In First" and usually is applied just above the rectal sphincter.
He met her at a wet t-shirt contest, where she lost to him.
We're in for another tough weekly my friends, and the tide hasn't even washed up the Friday poo stains.
We've got Scribbles, Pootiny, and Jenny's Superdouche all in this week. This is not a good situation. And if a few more creepy fucks from the greasy side of life show up tomorrow – we will have a veritable bounty of shite to choose from. Buckle your seatbelts. Next week's weekly could be a tough one.
I'll be damned. I thought that was the hieroglyphic symbol for: "I go both ways."
AV
I think it says "I'm with stupid," but it's pointing up…?
Salt Lick is washed up in the manner of a Dana Octopus Squid
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taningia_danae
the blinding flashes of his sweet highlights disorientating Emmy Rossum hott into performing his deep-sea mating ritual consisting of fingering his ass while he sucks his grandfather's piece.
RUN LORI, RUUUUUNNN!!!
Hey, if The Salt Lick didn't win it's his own damn fault. He's got to step up his game a little. There's a lot of competition out there.
Unfortunately most of said competition goes to the gym I belong to, hovering 'round the equipment in groups of three or four, hats jauntily turned sideways.
Salt lick isn't aiming high enough. You can't go half-assed on the Hott side of the equation, SL. Stop trolling for partners at the Waffle House Career Expo and take a weekend drive over the local college town during greek rush season. Sure, it takes more than some meth and cigarettes to bag a coed, but the returns to your douche resume can't be overstated.
@ Captain Bringdown
Right. He's gotta move out of his comfort zone.
Salt Lick sure likes 'em young. His "comfort zone" is limited to girls who say things like "That is sooo cool", "My mom would be so mad at me for this", and "I wish I was old enough to do that for myself".
@ Captain & Reader
HAHAHA
Well played sirs, excellent mocking. I would say great way to start my day, but when I saw Salt Lick I pooped a little in my pants.
And the office sort of frowns on that sort of thing.
Fucking Salt Lick. Here's your homework for your adult ed class, go home, uncap mom's bleach in the laundry room, and drink until it's gone.
She is European for sure. Oh, and she is 17.
I like the way Salt licker rolls.
She's hot.
Lick is quite the specimen, kinda like my recent stool sample.
He must be trolling the playgrounds of private schools now.
She has only had 36 menstruations.
Maybe it's because December is on it's way, but doesn't the Lickster kind of remind you of
Scott Farkus?
Maybe it's just me…
Right about now, he should be getting escorted out of the girl's dorm at Westchester State, having a campus police mug shot taken, and on the business end of a good tasering from the cattle prods the Ag school is working to improve. We should also be hearing "Don't tase me, Bro" over and over again as he loses control of his bowels in the basement of the campus security building.
At least that's how I envision this meeting ending. And that helps me sleep at night.
Lookth like thumeone likth getting fucked in the belly buttonnnnn.
http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs094.snc3/16170_100927583267266_100000500746727_28118_7076122_n.jpg
He went from wearing white gloves and pinching his douche-mate's nipple in glorious homo-erotic douche-splendor, to a weak-ass hand sign, meaningless belly tatt, only the beginnings of GSR, and simple shirtlessness. His loss (win) has definitely taken a lot of douche-wind (read: poo smell) out of his sails.
As to her, though, I would secretly watch her walking by my house with whatever school accoutrement she had, groaning at the force of increasing turgidity of my loins in my pants, and feeling mighty guilty about it afterwards.
Well, a *little* guilty, anyway.
Salt Lick is not going to lick these pictures at his Statutory Rape trial….
Jesus, dude needs to find a mid-30's to mid-40's. And no, I didn't say 'Cougar' or 'MILF'. I have taken it upon myself to officially retire those two now profusely over-used words out of the pop-culture lexicon once and for all.
As he paged through the books at the tattoo parlor he thought, "What can I get indelibly marked on my person that exclaims my love for cock and balls splooging in my navel?"
When the Lick hit page 57, he knew he had his answer. The rest is history ladies and gentlemen…
Of course he didn't win in the weekly–how could anybody take him seriously when his nipples point in different directions?
(Dammit, what's with all my comments being about nipples lately…?)
-Bagnonymous
@Justin
Brilliant observation. I knew he had enraged me at some point in my life. But The Great Bag Hunter "Ralphie" beat the crap out of him after the snow ball incident.
I bow to you oh great Ralphie.
Dr DB
No kidding: that is the alchemical symbol for–get this–sulfur. let the stink-related jokes begin.
Oh how the mighty(?) have fallen.
LOL
I would love for Tiny Lori to sprinkle pixie dust on my balls.
@ Publius
That's not the alchemical symbol for sulfur it is the symbol for Choadium. If you read DB1's book you would see that this affliction (pun intended) has plagued mankind many for centuries. You can tell by the second horizontal arrow.
Is he holding two fingers up for
a) the number of beating he's going to get beat by the campus police.
b) number of times his cell mate likes to "make love" in the evenings.
c) number of working brain cells in this picture
or
d) the number of testosterone injections he needs to remain in the male form.
When I got up this morning, my throat sore, head pounding, and mouth foamy dry, I thought to myself, "Hey, I would really like to see The Salt Lick's nipples." So I dragged my self out of bed, drained my bladder, put the coffee on and made up a mug of Western Family instant oatmeal, and popped open my wife's laptop.
And what do I see? Oh joy of joys! My wish has come true! Yes, that's right Salt Lick. You have two nipples, thank you for sharing.
This man is dangerous, and needs to be kept away from all Jr. high schools. Our children are not safe!
She is a minor
So is he.
Lori smells like baby oil and court summons.
Salt Lick smells like Peen Juice.
Yep, douche of epic proportions. Not only does he like to drug 'em while they're young, he too has a shaved chest and likely a shaved groin. He figured out that we hated GSR and decided to show us, along with his uber-gay stomach tatt.
Have we ever had a repeat contender for the weekly? This choad deserves a win.
much as it pains me to say it, Salt Lick might actually be an ironworker. i'm not going to comment on how many ironworkers i've met who have been fucking dangerously young chicks behind their wives' backs.
@Bunsen
Choadium. Heh heh heh.
Sulfur marks the step of Fermentation–again, heh heh heh–in the alchemical process. What can Choadium mark, I wonder?
Salt Lick likes imitating Lori's hair with hand signals.
One could play pinball on his torso with all those grooves.
That's Michael Dudikoff from American Ninja right??
Looks like The Licker's got a cold sore…he should be way more circumspect of who's salt he's licking.
And, lo, the Lord decreed unto Moses "cast out all the unbelievers and douchebags from your midst."
This is the Abominable Dr. Saltbag and his assistant Vulnavia.