Tuesday, November 24, 2009
The Schmock
We’ve charted many ‘bag trends over the years here at HCwDB.
But we’ve never fully identified this strange black hybrid muscle-t/bra that so many of our club puds sport.
Is there a singular defining shirt more indicative of douche-poo than this monochromatic name-brand tight black club bra?
I think not.
I therefore dub item of pudwear, The Schmock.
Oh, and you got a little Ed Hardy stain on your pants there, Schmock Wearer. Let me get it off. With elephant pee.
Damn, when did Mya turn bleath?
Can we get an auto-douche proclamation for anyone drinking out of those things?
He's got quite the little cutie there on his right arm….oh wait, you actually DRINK that? Grab a beer, douche.
Dude looks like a lady.
Dude looks like Jeterbag Jimmy…..
Are you sure this isn't a bulldike? Seems more like a chick named Pat.
Every juice-bags at my gym wears those things, which sucks because I really don't need to see bacne.
Goddamn Wheezer you're good! I don't want you anywhere near me if I ever have to go into the witness protection program.
@DB1
Elephant pee won't get that out. What you need is a nail gun, wire scrub brush, bleach, and a flamethrower. Rub the infected spot vigorously for 15 minutes while pouring bleach on it. Place nail gun on each eye and shoot on full auto for 5 minutes or until you see brain matter. Apply flamethrower liberally to what is left. I think that should do it. I'm kinda helpful like that.
Is this… DEREK JETER? After some horrible experience, but still.
Mrs. Dr. HoneyDocuhe just said that this has to be a dyke. "It's got man hands" she keeps repeating. "Look at how it is holding the drink, it's gotta be a dyke with big ol' man hands! Those aren't guy eyebrows!" She's convinced, what can I say.
@ Wheezer 4:10
Excellent discovery!
The disinterested look on his face coupled with the way he's fondling the phallic goblet is disturbing.
Maria would be well-advised to find someone a little less gay.
He looks like Christopher Walken, after being hit with a bag of what the fuck and set on douche-fire.
That is a "domestic partner beater"
It's a wife beater for homos…
Seriously, Wheezer, you are the Rain Man of HCwDB.
That said, WTF hit this crispy critter?
is that a dude?
Let ME rip it off, with a flame thrower.
Don't you have to have like muscles in order to wear a muscle shirt?
Pud-beater T-shirt
Nothing says P.i.m.p. like a pink drank.
Even the balloon animals are pointing phallically at him.
A bold move indeed, wearing a "muscle" shirt, having never seen a weight room. Yet the (semi) hott poses….
A big Kwaanza shout out for the Afro-centric mandana, and he isn't even a brothabag!
that's definitely a chick.
isn't it??
I mean…
Yeah… that's a chick.
While I voted for Crucial in the 2009 Douchies as Baghunter of the year (for purely homosexual reasons, mind you) and Mr. Scrotato Head as Best New Artist, and Jethro Tull as Best Heavy Metal Band, WHEEZER simply needs to be elevated to Eternal Hall Status as BagFINDER extraordinaire, Emeritus Eternicus Et Al Con Carné. Fuck some yearly prize. His avatar is apropo: Hëłł Höünd ó Šhåmę.
WHEEZER!!!!
ŁÖÜd NØÏsËs!!!!!!
Russell @ 5:11…I do agree, he has that Chris Walken look, and then, see WHEEZER's link to Jeterbag Jimmy.
And again, he looks almost female, but I think the douche-top is what's pushing the edge for such an apparition, for he is quite male in other respects.
Delicious Marla looks pretty preggers in blue.
The phallic gpblet looks like it's holding a harmless cranberry fizz. And that must be a helluva long straw in there.
Schmockdouche is quite simply the douchiest variety I've seen in some while.
Balloon sculptor is the Georgia O'Keefe of the pub bar set.
Note to sweet suza; While both me and pudstank will lick your deli slices until our tongues rigor, My schnauzer actually works. The only way "Mr." Softwrench is gonna bottom you out is with one of those bar stools.
Not that I wouldn't spend two hours searching trackers for video of that, but…
Another douche that must be related to E-Blo, or sucking him. He too has that white studded belt! WTF! And the schmock, except E-Blo's was light blue.
I think we know who douche of the year is going to be… because so many want to be like him.
The bar calls to mind The Cat's Meow, a karaoke joint in New Orleans. If that's the locale, I'll give this 'bag a free pass on the giant phallic fruity drink.
The Schmock gets no such pass. ONE time I saw a Schmock on a guy with huge pecs, and it actually looked kinda hot. The bra straps curved over his chest bulges. The Schmock just hangs limply off 99.9% of the douchenozzles who wear it, not unlike other 'bag equipment.
i can see a very fruitful year for the Schmock in 2010.
I think DB1 was dislexic on this one. Should be HCwBD (Bull Dyke). I asked the resident BD in my office "her" thoughts and "she" said douche is total bull dyke (if that even makes sense).
-noobbag
Oh, and you got a little Ed Hardy stain on your pants there, Schmock Wearer. Let me get it off. With elephant pee.
I would have suggested the liberal application of napalm, but maybe elephant pee works ok.
Schmock = Gay wife beater…brilliant.
These things are ridiculous. If you only saw the top half of this photo you'd ask "Why is this guy wearing a sun dress?".
The level of narcissist disconnect that allows someone to pull this off the rack, put it on in front of the mirror in Gaylord's changing room, and then say "Ooooh Yeah…lookin' gooood" is incredible.
Schmock is the new White Belt. Which Girl McWalken here is also wearing.
Ahh yes the Scmock Bag found crawling in dingy night clubs run by cuban immigrants. Confusion over his sexuality is confounded by his propensity to where Rachels club bra and white thongs.
Rachel is Lebanese hott and looks unsure of this sleezy, mandanna wearing, Ed Hardy clone. Pink drinks and having your personal purple and green 'titilation' toys are a no-no…tough guy.
Regards,
Douche Pitt
As the crimson fluid slowly filled the inside of his VacuuMaster Mark 5 Penis Enlarger Pump, Timmy began the realize that the "Do Not Exceed 10 Pumps" sticker on the side of the shiny Lexan shaft was for real…
The schmock could equally be worn by a man-douche and lez-douche. The common thread? *Only* a douche would wear it.
the most horrific element in this pic is actually Mya's exuberance while being so close to this pud.
Perhaps she'll learn better by the time her quinceanera rolls around (it's like a bat mitzvah for you Jews out there)
Richard Simmons?
Someone should call Star Jones-Defensive-Tackle and tell her she left her diaphram on the bar.
Oh, and hold that drink any more like a woman and some folks on this site might think you're gay or something.
It's very nice of Maria to pose with that cancer victim. He should have a flannel blanket on his lap, not a yard of cosmopolitan.
He-She's not extending her pinky finger properly. What is that anyway – a Baybreeze?
That is a chick.
That fucker stole my welder's cap!
I want it back.
I don't get it – where's the douche? I see two chicks
Is that a Shriner's hat he's wearing? Will he ride her home on his little tricycle?
Take a look at her right leg – I call photoshop.
he work at a tanning salon and is a tranny
I think that's two chicks.
"Schmock" gets my award for the best neologism of the year. It is the perfect moniker for this contemptible garment.
Its not a girl or a tranny its actually a guy LOL and ive known him since he was a kid LOL i dont know if he knows hes on here ! i dont wanna be the one to tell him
D
Sonofabitch…damn it, I knew I shouldn't have started hanging out with Jeff Reed. That cocksucker………..