Friday, November 20, 2009
Vegas Hal
Vegas Hal isn’t major league douche. Sure he’s got the mini-faux popup head. The douchey tatts. The six pound watch. The white belt.
And, of course, apparently tweezed eyebrows. But it’s not the sneery punch-worthy kind of douche.
If Vegas Hal bats for the hometeam, I’d simply mark him a gaybag and be ready to dismiss him from the debate.
But Vegas Hal’s currying favor with Sexy Sandra suggests faux-gaybaggery, which is, of course, authento-douchery.
I call ‘bag.
And now, I will softly rub my flannel shirts from the early 1990s, hum angsty Stone Temple Pilots songs, and dream of brunette boobie marshmallow peeps.
Looks to be a Dane Cook Annoy-o-Bag variation. Not bad enough to make you stare in disbelief, but scrotey enough to warrant a quick glance and a "dude, fuckin' grow up" before you go back to stuffing quarters into slots.
You KNOW where he'd like that iron fist rammed, dontcha?
I like her grip on that bottle.
.. Here ya go , babe, here's a roll of nickels, go nuts…
Does his birthday hat say "Buy me a twink?" Maybe gaybag after all.
Nigel Tufnel called, he wants his shirt back.
This douche goes to eleven.
i'll bet you he spends all night at the ring toss.
The Missouri in me loves her flannel shirt – even if she'll put scabs where I don't want them.
She is so adorable, she can even make teh teeny boobs look cute.
He's not a gheybag.
He's a feybag.
Which is much much worse.
The eyebrows are reason enough to send him to weekly. Winona Judd called; she wants them back.
Speaking of Stone Temple Pilot: I gots front row tickets to the STP concert at the Hard Rock next month. I'll be looking for them heroin tracks, Scott.
Christian Slater meets Ed Grimley meets Ed Hardy.
Your tatts are lame.
That arm tat puts the 'flame' in 'flaming homosexual' when he shoves it wrist deep in another man's rectum, making it look like his ass is on fire.
@DarkSock
Nice. Let us know if Matt Stafford is there.
Now, in honor of STP and Sexy Sandra, I've reworked some lyrics:
Ti-iime to touch her boobs
Her flannel shirt is slightly open
Ti-iime to lick her neck
It's soft and white, no melanoma
Ti-iime to grab her butt, it's nice and firm
No conversation
Ti-iime to touch my shlong, to touch my shlong
To touch my shloo-oong
Conversation kills (my erection)
Conversation kills (my chances of getting into her pants)
Conversation kiii-iiillllss….
He does not suffer from Greico virus, but rather the less deadly Seacrest virus.
There is a cure.
Vegas Hal? More like Gaygas Hal.
My head is fuccen killing me. Where be the hair o' me dog?
She is tasty. Her brother is gay, and this is probably not news to her, since they went to the salon together to get their eyebrows plucked.
And all of the male hairdressers already knew his name.
Please give us more of her, DB1. With or without the plaid, or clothing of any kind for all I care.
Dig the size of the Fivehead on her.
ASvB
apparently Vegas Hal wants his sternum massaged with an Iron Fist…. from the inside
He looks like Robbie Rotten from LazyTown.
ASvB
He was born to be cool, but he inhaled enough merconium to cause brain damage from the resulting fever. Another consequence is that he can talk with his butthole, like Joseph Pujol. Back in the 1890s, a man who can fart loud and make it talk was good news. Today, not so much. So, doucheboy here keeps it on the QT.
However, at night, his butt talks to itself, muttering hateful incomprehensible proverbs – kind of like our own much loved FLYTEETH, only 100% douchie. Instead of "CRINYG SAALTEY FUCCEN TEARS FOR TARLMA" it's more like "Ize jess likes ta drink and bang da bitches".
Which is why he has never had a successful relationship, because everytime a lover stays with him, his butt starts making fun of them "yo babee, you fugggin skank come here and yank my crank you two bit cheap ass broken down whore." So, when he wakes up, he's always alone. So sad. Always alone, save for his insane talking butt.
I think that the pink fuzzies on his fauxhawk are they giveaway. He has that forced "I-want-everybody-to-believe-that-I'm-not-a-glory-hole-gobstopper-so-I'll-'hug'
-this-chick" look on his face. His scoliosis is circumstantial evidence of that he's a "power bottom" too. She looks like she's hugging one of her sorority sisters before a night out on the town. Vegas Hal I think not. More like a Flaming Moe.
'Bag!
She's what we call a "hot damn hot chick."
And from the looks of his tee-shirt, he can only be one thing: a chiropractic douchebag with a rare form of subluxated head.
Both are in need of deep, therapeutic manipulation.
My post made me think about Pujol. I found a webpage about him here:
http://www.ooze.com/ooze13/petomane.html
Total gaybag!
@TRIOY
I USED TO TALKDF IN MY FUCEN SLEPE! NOW IEWEAR A BALL GAGA TO KEEP QUIEWTE SO I DONT FUCEN DISTRUBE THE SLEEPIGN TARMAL OF MY SKLAPWHOAR LADY FIRENDS! SOMEO OFDTHEM REALLYG ET INTO THE FUCEN GAGG THORUGH!
There's just something about flannel that says, "bring me home to mom, take me on your camping trips, and sloppily rub on my chest." Quite the prized phenotype of hott. I love you Becca.
He on the other hand invokes the mantra, "go on, whoop my ass, I won't put up much of a fight."
I ALSO ENJOY SOME FUCEN STONE TARMAL PILOTS, LIKE THE ITNERSTATE FUCEN LOVE SONG:
WAITING ON A SUDNAY AFERTNOON
FOR WHAT I READ BETEWEEN THE LINES!
TARMAL!
FEELIJNG LIKE A BORKEN FUCEN HAND
SO DO YOU LAUGH< OR DOES IT CRY SALTY FUCEN TEARS?
REPLY!
LEAVIN ON A SLAPWHOAR TRAIN
ONLY YESTERDSAY, YOU WHOOORE!
PROMIESES OF WHAT I SEEMD TO BE
ONLY WHATCH THE TIME FUCEN GO BY!
ALL FO THIS SHITE$ YOU SAID TO M E!
TAMRAL! IS THE HARDEST THIGN TO FDO
WITH ALL IVE DSAID ALL THAT THE DEAD DSLAPHWOARS!
YOU LIED!
FUCEN BYE!
Well stated, Flyteeth.
You are a prince among men!
I believe his 21 party hat says:
"Buy Me a Twink!"
Anyone want to guess what Casino this maggot excriment was photographed in?
Sandra Sayz:
"You must be this big to ride."
You're not even allowed to take photos in a casino, anyone who's 1/4 serious about casinos knows that. So we have a clear-cut case of three asswipes who are looking to sponge off the free booze and have never been away from home overnight.
I also call gaybag. But as a huge fag hag, I'm really disappointed to see the young queerlets these days exhibiting such bad taste. If you can't trust a gay man to not make a fashion faux pas, who CAN you trust?
PS: @ FLYTEETH: I have the jumbo white silicone ball gag lubed up and ready for you. And let's play that one game where you pretend that you really, really hate it when I shove it up your butt. *kiss*
fag bag and like an earlier post said, she is his sister.
@MEDUSSA
I DO HAATE IT!!
(WINK FUCEEN WINK!)
Planet Hollywood?
Well, the ceilings are high, so it eliminates the off-strip dives.
It looks kind of tacky, so eliminate Belazzio, Ceasars, etc.
I'm guessing Circus Circus or Excalibur
Hard Rock?
The moderate douchebaggery of this photo is quickly redeemed by Sexy Sandra's presence, splendidly giving rise to my loinal area like a phoenix.
Hey, where is that Belazzio place, Fried Green?. I want to check it out.
Signed,
Never Been To Vegas
Not-a-douche. That shirt, those pants, and that hair says "gay." I don't even need to see his shoes to tell you that they're probably gay as all hell.
Besides, it's Hal's 21st birthday for cryin' out loud. Tomorrow it's back to working the front desk at 24 Hour Fitness and trying to get that English lit. paper done. Give the boy a break.
Now that I've gotten that out of the way, holy crapping bandicoot Batman! Bewbees!
The tensile strength of that flannel shirt's button thread is amazing. They must be sewn on with some carbon nanotube embroidery thread.
Hawt damn!
He's the lead singer of that emo band, "Asshole Confessional".
Dude's (and by dude I mean gaybag) got HC eyes, just look at those lashes! And the pluck to boot.
-noobbag
In "Asshole Confessional" he plays the rectal trombone of lead singer "Gargantua Dupa"
"Stone Tarmal Pilots"
FLYTEETH FTW.
+1 internets to you, sir.
Wedgie…
I should have said Bellagio…
Its on the strip between Cesears and Monte Carlo… you can't miss it.
She's his fag-hag. He gives her eyebrow tweezing and skin moisturizer tips.
Yes, he clearly spent much longer preparing for his big night "out" than did she. Those eyebrows of his are immaculately sculpted. Mr. White, can you calculate the slope of the tangential worry lines he botoxed out?
I think his party hat reads "Buy Me a Sock of Pink," but I could be wrong. Stupid fauxhawk.
Oh, and she is verrrrry pretty. Maybe just a tad less eyeshadow and we'd see that even better.
The nation's gay men scream out "He's not ours, breeders, don't blame us!"
Bag 'im!
YOU JUTHT THTOP THITH INTHANITY, YOU BATHTURDTH! THITH ITH MY SHINING MOMENT!
Douchetian Slater….
Note the comfortable stroke-instinctive grip she holds on that bottle, replete with bedroom eyes, Bona Lisa knowing smile and the subliminally suggestive pearly necklace! mmmm…mmmmm!!
You know this photo's comin' down by Monday. Hottie here will be writing in to bitch and moan about how "really nice" this guy is and that we're "all jus a bunch o nasty h8rz an need 2 get lifes."
Gay Bag.
And don't let Mike Piazza (among a few other athletes) fool you.
I think we're looking at some kind of genderbender. Sandra has a humongous forehead that makes her hair look like a wig.
In the words of the great Steven Tyler, "Dude looks like a lady!"
I AM I AM I SAID I'M NOT MYSELF
BUT I'M NOT DEAD AND I'M NOT FOR SALE
HOLD ME CLOSER, CLOSER LET ME GO
LET ME BE, JUST LET ME BE
… i have no idea how the above passage relates to this thread, but that is actually my favorite STP song of all time. because of the killer guitar solo two-thirds into the song.
Sexy Sandra can always hold me closer if she wants to though.
his girl is light chocolate fluff that should be duly applied and eaten speedily.
what the fuck is up with his face? he looks like jack nicholson as the joker…
That's Chris B from Chicago
Chris Bag???
Why is his head so big?
X-ray reveals no guts. Also, doesn't the spine go in the back of a normal human?
A very unfortunate situation indeed. All the 'bag trates' are here,as pointed out by DB1 added to which our bag friend here putts from the rough. Young Daphne exibits the confidence and characteristics of a 'Hott' complteley shielded from the normal sexual advances, inuendo's and claw tactics of hetro, axe wearing, gel coated uber twats.
He has the masculinity of Elton John, TVO's Oprah and is the local Tupperware rep in his neighbourhood. Yes..a bag indeed made even more douchie by his sexual persuasion.
Regards,
Douche Pitt