Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

New Years Stackhouse: Stackhouse Runs the Dishwasher on Pre Wash and Heat Dry

HCwDB douche poet, Stackhouse, whispers stalkerish words of woo on his ex-girlfriend’s Facebook wall:

—-
I love you baby….miss u so much xoxox

I thought u looked cute in all those pictures. I guess I’m only good at eating food and lifting weights lol. Have fun on the tredmill, don’t get tazed Ur such a philosipher. No wonder I love u so much!
—-

It’s like a sonnet by Italian poet Francesco Petrarch to his object of adoration, Laura. If you removed all wit, eloquence and pathos, and replaced it with bodyspray.

Get Some Happy New Year!!

Donkey Douche Says “Happy Grease Year!”

Well, actually DD just grunted. It sounded something like, groooopuhhhhgach!

But I’m sure that’s what he meant. As he rubs up on happy Minnesotan Anna with a great smile.

Our winner of the 2009 Irving Thallbag Lifetime Achievement Award also wanted to remind you that, if you don’t behave, he’ll be forced to bust Bathroom Self-Pose Groin Shave Reveal.

(warning: In laboratory tests, BSPGSR has been shown to sterilize small woodland creatures and cause normal humans to go CHUD)

Donkey Douche Says "Happy Grease Year!"

Well, actually DD just grunted. It sounded something like, groooopuhhhhgach!

But I’m sure that’s what he meant. As he rubs up on happy Minnesotan Anna with a great smile.

Our winner of the 2009 Irving Thallbag Lifetime Achievement Award also wanted to remind you that, if you don’t behave, he’ll be forced to bust Bathroom Self-Pose Groin Shave Reveal.

(warning: In laboratory tests, BSPGSR has been shown to sterilize small woodland creatures and cause normal humans to go CHUD)

New Years Lickin’ Eve

With New Years fast approaching, lets not forget that HCwDB is the place where drunk hotties get back at daddy by licking Tommy Shortbusian’s nips.

Groin Shave Reveal, ambiguously Irish free verse crotch-tatt, and two hotties nip licking like a Viagra’d Ryan Seacrest at a clambake in Provincetown?

You deserve a reward for suffering through this pic. Since it’s the New Year, I’m feeling generous.

Have some Pigskin Pear.

New Years Lickin' Eve

With New Years fast approaching, lets not forget that HCwDB is the place where drunk hotties get back at daddy by licking Tommy Shortbusian’s nips.

Groin Shave Reveal, ambiguously Irish free verse crotch-tatt, and two hotties nip licking like a Viagra’d Ryan Seacrest at a clambake in Provincetown?

You deserve a reward for suffering through this pic. Since it’s the New Year, I’m feeling generous.

Have some Pigskin Pear.

Hot Chickens with Stackhouse

HCwDB’s now legendary poet, Stackhouse, continues to inspire us with his W.H. Auden-esque grasp of the subtleties and nuances of the English language. So much so, that I’m breaking the rule of the site, and running a Hot-Chick-free pic (albeit with hot chicken).

I title this short poem, “I’m the Impactor”:

—-
Imagine ur at a junk yard, there is a machine there impacting cars, tossing them aside 2 never be heard from again. That’s what 2night’s gonna be like, I’m the impactor, crushing pussy not cars, tossing them aside & like a 82 4 cyclender mustang, will never be heard from again. Get Some
—-

‘Ranger Rick Resents Stackhouse

‘Ranger Rick, who first appeared after surviving a nuclear test blast because the goggles, they did nothing, is pissed.

Outsider-art primitive poet, Stackhouse, seems to be getting all the mock this week. ‘Ranger Rick does not want to Get Some. ‘Ranger Rick wants consideration for Monday’s HCwDB of the Week.

So here’s ‘Ranger Rick, mugging the zaftig but sexy Cindy with vacant simian stare and faux, but only a faded ‘range tan.

And here’s ‘Ranger Rick creepily leading Cindy to his pull-out sofa bed.

Is it enough to topple the ascending Stackhouse in Monday’s first Weekly of 2010? It’s not looking likely, ‘Ranger Rick. But we appreciate the douchal effort.

'Ranger Rick Resents Stackhouse

‘Ranger Rick, who first appeared after surviving a nuclear test blast because the goggles, they did nothing, is pissed.

Outsider-art primitive poet, Stackhouse, seems to be getting all the mock this week. ‘Ranger Rick does not want to Get Some. ‘Ranger Rick wants consideration for Monday’s HCwDB of the Week.

So here’s ‘Ranger Rick, mugging the zaftig but sexy Cindy with vacant simian stare and faux, but only a faded ‘range tan.

And here’s ‘Ranger Rick creepily leading Cindy to his pull-out sofa bed.

Is it enough to topple the ascending Stackhouse in Monday’s first Weekly of 2010? It’s not looking likely, ‘Ranger Rick. But we appreciate the douchal effort.

A Sneery Load of Hipster Hal

Why do I get the increasingly disturbing feeling that 2010 will feature a renewed resurgence of hipster douchewankery?

Although perhaps unconventional hotness, Kate’s cute Reese Witherspoon pointy-chin and retro Jane Fonda in Klute hair thing is definitely bobbing my apples, however. And will carry us onward until dawn.

Ass Pear with Douchebag

Because sometimes ya gotta take the Pear with the ‘Bag.