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Stackhouse the Poet Makes Smart People Think Their F*cking Retarded

Autistic savant free-verse artist, Stackhouse, provides us with another New Years poem. I’ve titled this one, “Some Good Old Fashion HIV Cream Pies Up Ur Ass”:

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I’m so f*cking smart, I make smart people think their f*cking retarded

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EDIT: Reader K writes in to point out that Stackhouse’s first two sentences are actually quotes from the sequel to the Boondock Saints, All Saints Day. Way to stay hip with the indie street cred, Stacky. Get some.

The Boobs of Perception

The douchebag awoke before dawn… he put his bling on… he took his chin pubes from the ancient gallery and then he… pointed at some boobs!
Father?

Mother?…. I want to… point at boobsssss!!!

These Doors coverbands just lack that original je ne sais quoi.

The Fernhead

Who are we to judge true love in Camden, New Jersey?

Oh. That’s right. We’re us.

Nice ferns.

And crotch purse.

Stackhouse the Poet Asks if it’s “Gay 2 Want to F*ck Ur Self”

Last week’s legendary poet, Stackhouse, offers free verse over the firing of coach Bobby Bowden:

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Getting jacked, tan, and crushing beers in Bobby’s honor. Might even crush some pussy, he deserves it

Is it gay 2 want to f*ck ur self? I swear, I’m working to hard 4 these jump offs. I have whiter teeth, a better tan and a lower bmi. Ur welcome ladies
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Stackhouse the Poet Asks if it's "Gay 2 Want to F*ck Ur Self"

Last week’s legendary poet, Stackhouse, offers free verse over the firing of coach Bobby Bowden:

—-
Getting jacked, tan, and crushing beers in Bobby’s honor. Might even crush some pussy, he deserves it

Is it gay 2 want to f*ck ur self? I swear, I’m working to hard 4 these jump offs. I have whiter teeth, a better tan and a lower bmi. Ur welcome ladies
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‘Ranger Rick

Because nothing impresses the Euro Art Hotts in their Bauhaus inspired Soho loft quite like looking like you just witnessed a Nevada H-Bomb test dipped in hair gel.

Perhaps this may help, ‘Ranger Rick.

'Ranger Rick

Because nothing impresses the Euro Art Hotts in their Bauhaus inspired Soho loft quite like looking like you just witnessed a Nevada H-Bomb test dipped in hair gel.

Perhaps this may help, ‘Ranger Rick.

Your Monday Jesus Pecs

With New Years fast approaching, we’ll hold the first 2010 HCwDB of the Week next week.

This week, updates will continue in my drunken and semi-vacationed state.

Your humble narrator is stumbling around lower Manhattan drunk on cheap wines, trying to find a bodega for HoHos at 2am after playing fourteen consecutive games of Duck Hunter. All whilst staring at East Coast educated hottie boob reveal.

Because sexy librarian hotties in bars arching eyebrows at me make the mortal coil worth enduring.

While faux-grease-haired Jesus Pecs haunt our collective psyche and rot our culture like a festering nodal polyp.

The mocking will continue in 2010. Oh yes. It will continue. For our mission statement has not yet accomplished its goal.

Meanwhile, The 2009 Douchie Awards got some nice press over at our favorite alt-weekly in the heart of Douche Mecca, Las Vegas Weekly. Captain Bringdown for the first-strike response.

The Typhoid Mary of Scrotebaggery: Christian Audigier

While the 2009 Douchie Awards are over, let us remember the source of all things douche in 2009.

Stackhouse the Poet Says “Get Some”

A little post-Christmas cheer from the Facebook page of “Stackhouse.” I have titled this poem,”Get Some:”

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I would f*ck that bitch right out of that grey business suit. F*cking women, they have mastered the art of making men sexually aroused in every way possible now. Soon ill be profiling them by what designer brief case they carry not purse

Get Some
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