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Tuesday, January 26, 2010
The Reason the Global Economy Collapsed
I blame this guy.
Ask DB1: Is Howard Stern a Douche?
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Db1-
Is Howard Stern a douchebag? And if so, is he like immediately “Hall Of Scrote” material for not just being a proto-douche but by virtue of having so much influence on the airwaves, he’s spreading/spread in his heyday the Grieco Virus faster than the Motoba virus made the corner of Kevin Spacey’s eye all messed up and bloody in Outbreak?
Or, does he get Rockstar exception for being a celeb/ “dj”/”celeb dj”?
Now, my curiosity here would also include this: you’ve been pretty un-relenting in calling most, if not all dj’s, douchebags, but these are typically club dj’s who one actually sees in person and thus has an in-person douche aura. Does a radio dj count? If someone acts like a douchebag in the privacy of their own home and no one sees it, does it count as performative douche-baggery?
(a poor allusion to the “If a tree falls and no one hears it does it make a sound?” ) If a guido pumps his fist to techno but is wearing headphones, is he just waking his arm that fell asleep?
– MG
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Stern was a comedic game-changer back in the day, so there are automatically points granted for talent and vision. That being said, there are undeniable signs of narcissistic douchebaggery occurring throughout Stern’s career. Even his ironic self deprecation doesn’t fully mitigate these factors.
Trading in his wife to chase hot ass. The nose job. General narcissism and poppin’ bottles with rock-stars after his divorce. That whole 90s Carmen Electra / Pam Anderson partying in the VIP with Rodman period.
So even though he’s a guy I’ve admired and laughed with over the years, I gotta call Stern a stage-2 douche, with some mitigating factor for talent and humor.
However, the biggest douche on radio (outside of Limbaugh) has to be Chicago’s odious unfunny dancing clown, Mancow. My two appearances on that show were utter wastes of time and confusion. Now there’s a herp sore on society’s genitalia.
Stackhouse the Poet is a Real, Genuine Pussy Crushin Human Being with Tits in His Mouth
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In order 2 dispel any & all rumors 2 the redundant. Lards of obese celullite who post on HCwDB’s. Yes, Im a real, genuine, pussy crushin human being. There is nothin fake about me besides the tits that are usually in my mouth. I can’t help it that I like rich skanks, big watches, hair glue,& all the luxuries of life th…at desirable individuals are in2. So yes I’m real, & yes u can go back to ur 9-5 now. Get Some
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Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Herp Albert
Because nothing impresses sultry barely legal Sophie quite like selling the pec real estate and busting guyliner and “Opie” hair.
Reader Mail: Dicy’s Tag
HCwDB ‘Bag Huntress Dicy writes in with a tag from Athens, Georgia:
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Dearest DB1,
My goal of finding a quality Athens ‘bag to take a picture with me for mocking purposes was achieved quite easily.
When he got close enough, I approached cautiously, for I have heard the tales of grope-age from a ‘bag and did not wish to become a victim myself. I told him “oMg LiKe YoU aRe So CuTe!!1!” My friend (sadly not pictured, she was the photographer) said “Those are some sweet shades!!” To which he replied “Thanks” in that cocky voice that said, “Yeah I heard that all the time from bitches.”
-Dicy
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Good work, Dicy. Now spray Lysol, stat.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010Reader Mail: Dicy's Tag
HCwDB ‘Bag Huntress Dicy writes in with a tag from Athens, Georgia:
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Dearest DB1,
My goal of finding a quality Athens ‘bag to take a picture with me for mocking purposes was achieved quite easily.
When he got close enough, I approached cautiously, for I have heard the tales of grope-age from a ‘bag and did not wish to become a victim myself. I told him “oMg LiKe YoU aRe So CuTe!!1!” My friend (sadly not pictured, she was the photographer) said “Those are some sweet shades!!” To which he replied “Thanks” in that cocky voice that said, “Yeah I heard that all the time from bitches.”
-Dicy
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Good work, Dicy. Now spray Lysol, stat.
Monday, January 25, 2010Jackson Poollock
Artbags, like Hipsterbags, may try to class it up with the monochrome ties, but the chin fung gives them away every time.
Oh Ginger Red Hot Mama Diana. Your complaints about how your first husband is late on his alimony payments would fire up our loins. You’re shopping for a new sugar daddy, and I respect that about you.
Well, no I don’t, but you wear low cut dresses. So I appreciate the cleavite reveal.
Monday, January 25, 2010Aqua Flush
If only the strange blue aqua robots would fight their servantile programming and kill everyone on board, we might have a viable screenplay here.
Ben Neckfolds Five
Ben Neckfolds Five and Perky Samantha wanted to drop by and vote in the HCwDB of the Week.
With Ben demonstrating the rare “Goggles Above Sweatband” + Rocker Nailpolish move.
This has to be Europe. Ben’s receding chin suggests Anglo-Saxon inbreeding at its most dysfunctionally alcoholic.
Monday, January 25, 2010HCwDB of the Week
It may be the month of Stackhouse. But there’s one more slot in the Monthly to fill. And by fill, I mean dung. Here’s your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Asswipes and a Hott in a Limo, aka Chad, Todd and Sheena
Names courtesy of Sad Party Karaoke Robot and Medusa Oblongata, our threesome of hottie/douchey taint pretty much says it all about real world HCwDB.
Sheena is all that is leggy about the suckle thigh perfection.
Chad and Todd are all that is rayon shirted about suburbia.
Truth be told, this probably isn’t actually taking place in a limo. But I’mma go with it.
And factor in the first “Vulcan Shocker” on the site in awhile, and this is a deserving finalist in the Weekly.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Gonzi and Mandy
Gonzi the Terrorist Ed Hardy Douche Muppet brought not one, not two, but three quality lady hotts to go with his assorted Ed Hardy tees, douche-pubes and ridic glasses and hat tilt.
Gonzi takes his douchi’n seriously.
The pink theoretical Yankee Cap may tilt to various degrees.
And the ladies may smile joyfully.
But not Gonzi.
Gonzi’s pubes and too-small t-shirts suggest the foulest of rank pud. And while Gonzi may be a Brothabag, he does not earn the Brothabag moniker. For his is a pudwhack onto itself.
And Mandy deserves my gnaw for at least two weeks of intermittent and vaguely unsatisfying coitus, followed by turning on the TV.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Dr. Orangelove
Dress-up? Perhaps.
But as we’ve established previously, irono-baggery is still considered authento-douchery.
In other words, dressing up to “mock” the douche, except within clear Halloween sanctioned parameters, is still a form of douche-without-douche.
Belly Dancer Patricia is smiley, happy and likes to window shop watches.
Silver camel toe is just uber-scrote.
No excuses.
Dr. Orangelove deserves his slot in the Weekly.
Just missing the cut, The Dweeble, The Princess and the Log, and The Hairodox.
Them’s your three.
Which coupling deserves our last slot in next week’s first Monthly of 2010?
Choose now. Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
