Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Where’s Cheeto Man?

Somewhere in this pic of Tri-Vag tough guy and a brunette with eyes that demand shoulder lickage, I’ve carefully hidden 2009 Douchie Winner Cheeto Man.

Look closely.

Can you scar your retinas by finding him?

Where's Cheeto Man?

Somewhere in this pic of Tri-Vag tough guy and a brunette with eyes that demand shoulder lickage, I’ve carefully hidden 2009 Douchie Winner Cheeto Man.

Look closely.

Can you scar your retinas by finding him?

What’s Wrong With This Clown’s Hair?

Okay kids, time to play another round of the game that’s sweeping the interwebs, What’s Wrong With This Clown’s Hair?

Is it:

A. Semen malfunction

B. That darned static cling

C. One of the early experiments of hybrid Cylon-human technology on Caprica

D. An example of the rare mythological creature, the Douchenicorn

E. He’s just happy to see her

What's Wrong With This Clown's Hair?

Okay kids, time to play another round of the game that’s sweeping the interwebs, What’s Wrong With This Clown’s Hair?

Is it:

A. Semen malfunction

B. That darned static cling

C. One of the early experiments of hybrid Cylon-human technology on Caprica

D. An example of the rare mythological creature, the Douchenicorn

E. He’s just happy to see her

The Slackerbag

Halfhearted faux.

Halfhearted douche-face.

Halfhearted sideways hand gesture.

Halfhearted silly tee and bling.

It’s like the kids just aren’t trying anymore. The Puritan Douche Ethnic has been lost in a haze of meaningfully marked up copies of Moby Dick and Big Fun concerts.

But at least I have awesome leg gnaw to consider. For Heather’s posterior is glorious.

Classic Jerz Pud

With all this Jersey Shore hype these days, it seems the rest of America finally figured out how much fun it is to mock the spectacle of Jerz Douche macking on the trampy hotts.

It should be noted, however, that Jerz Puds are not all about getting drunk and into fights. Because nothing says “peace” quite like the sideways peace sign.

And, of course, the female’s response to the sideways peace sign, the “Peace Boobies.”

Reader Mail: You’re All Bitter Because You’re Ugly

A critic of HCwDB responds in the comments threads:

—-
people just seem angry here–a girl who he turned down probably uploaded the picture because theyre jealous hes pictured with a pretty girl…and every guy commenting on this site is bitter because theyre ugly
—-

You know who’s really angry? Apostrophe Guy. He keeps getting left out.

Reader Mail: You're All Bitter Because You're Ugly

A critic of HCwDB responds in the comments threads:

—-
people just seem angry here–a girl who he turned down probably uploaded the picture because theyre jealous hes pictured with a pretty girl…and every guy commenting on this site is bitter because theyre ugly
—-

You know who’s really angry? Apostrophe Guy. He keeps getting left out.

The Guccbag

PIC DELETED

This dead-eyed zombific genetic mutant cross between B.J. Novak from The Office, and West Hollywood party boy Zachary Quinto is all sorts of vulcan eared wrong.

For that, we call him Guccbag. And mock, with pensive aplomb.

Stacey is golden, awkward and shiny.

Even as her annoying nasal twang would make the cognitive section of my brain cry out in angst for the God that isn’t, I would nod and smile politely.

And hope for brief boob gazelle graze at the end of the night.

Christina Hendricks has Golden Globes

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Hot Chicks with Douchebags with breaking news:

Boobs.