Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Love the site, but I can’t help but notice the bias towards coastal baggery. We see plenty of Jerz Guids and LA surfer scrotes, but where are the douchebags from the middle of the country?

I grew up in Oklahoma, and I’ve noticed that your site has neglected the Okie-bag. Okie-bags have the same kind of attitude (and intelligence) as meat-clown douches from Jersey, but a different fashion sense (or lack thereof).

Rather than ginormous watches, they wear ginormous belt buckles. They often wear a cowboy hat over their mandana. They buy Wrangler cowboy jeans which are pre-faded and pre-dirtied up, since they never do any work. They drive huge gas guzzling trucks which don’t have a scratch on them because they’ve never been used to haul anything anywhere for anybody on any occasion.

They also love patriotic accessories which they obtain from a bizarro-world where the American flag was made by Ed Hardy rather than Martha Washington.

I know that through your extensive research, you’ve come to the conclusion that Richard Greico is the originator of the DB virus. However, I would humbly submit that you have neglected an important cultural factor as well: Guile, from Street Fighter 2.

Guile, like the Jersey scum that have perpetrated this most unholy of taint upon our once proud, noble, and douche-free nation, has a large, spikey hair style.

Guile, like the Jersey Scum that poo on our collective unconscious, wears a wife-beater.

Guile, like the Jersey scum that haunt the deep recesses of our minds, taunted us with the fear of our own inner doucheness, wears dog tags and has tattoos.

Guile, like the Jersey scum that seem spread like plague-infested rats on our eastern seaboard, has a musculature that certainly appears to be enhanced by steroids.

Guile likes to fight and make hand gestures if he wins, but only after fixing his hair. If Guile had a hat, it would be tilted ten degrees.

Hell, in the movie, Guile was played by Jean-Claude Van Damme.

So perhaps the Greiko virus isn’t enough. Perhaps it incubates in the host, and the host’s desire to be a video game character from the early 1990’s (which, given the maturity and intelligence displayed by the Jersey Poo Squad wouldn’t surprise me) is what causes it to take over the host’s body and alter it’s physical appearance.

As to the hot chick portion of this e-mail, Chun-Li. ‘Nuff said.

I know that through your extensive research, you’ve come to the conclusion that Richard Greico is the originator of the DB virus. However, I would humbly submit that you have neglected an important cultural factor as well: Guile, from Street Fighter 2.

Guile, like the Jersey scum that have perpetrated this most unholy of taint upon our once proud, noble, and douche-free nation, has a large, spikey hair style.

Guile, like the Jersey Scum that poo on our collective unconscious, wears a wife-beater.

Guile, like the Jersey scum that haunt the deep recesses of our minds, taunted us with the fear of our own inner doucheness, wears dog tags and has tattoos.

Guile, like the Jersey scum that seem spread like plague-infested rats on our eastern seaboard, has a musculature that certainly appears to be enhanced by steroids.

Guile likes to fight and make hand gestures if he wins, but only after fixing his hair. If Guile had a hat, it would be tilted ten degrees.

Hell, in the movie, Guile was played by Jean-Claude Van Damme.

So perhaps the Greiko virus isn’t enough. Perhaps it incubates in the host, and the host’s desire to be a video game character from the early 1990’s (which, given the maturity and intelligence displayed by the Jersey Poo Squad wouldn’t surprise me) is what causes it to take over the host’s body and alter it’s physical appearance.

As to the hot chick portion of this e-mail, Chun-Li. ‘Nuff said.

I like your site. Even though I am an asshole & I date hot chicks. If I submitted many pics to your site of a guido asshole (me or friends) with various hot chicks would you give me a free 468×60 banner space for say like a year on your site?

What the deal is for every pic I submit you give me 1 month free advertising.
The reason why I think this is a wonderful idea is the more great pics you have the more stories you can make up about them which means your site will always have fresh content. In fact I have enough pics on hand for your site to have years of fresh content.

Fresh content means more traffic which in turn means higher page ranking which in turn means more expensive advertisers will pay you for ad space!

Let me know what you think about this idea?

I like your site. Even though I am an asshole & I date hot chicks. If I submitted many pics to your site of a guido asshole (me or friends) with various hot chicks would you give me a free 468×60 banner space for say like a year on your site?

What the deal is for every pic I submit you give me 1 month free advertising.
The reason why I think this is a wonderful idea is the more great pics you have the more stories you can make up about them which means your site will always have fresh content. In fact I have enough pics on hand for your site to have years of fresh content.

Fresh content means more traffic which in turn means higher page ranking which in turn means more expensive advertisers will pay you for ad space!

Let me know what you think about this idea?