Elmer Pudd the Poet
In case you thought the poetic rantings of Stackhouse were unique in douche culture, a reader submits Elmer Pudd’s Facebook soliloques. I title this poem, “I hate those Quiet, Salad Eating Bitches”:
—-
I hate those quiet,salad-eating bitches,those real quiet ones, you know.The kind of women, you take them out to dinner, you say:”Hey, what you wanna eat?” They go, “I’ll just have a salad.”And you hear their stomach going:”I don’t know why my stomach is making that noise.””Because you’re hungry, bitch.”
No such thing as a loyal man. Ladies, do not be fooled. I know some men have some strong raps and they’ll have you believing it. No loyal men. All men f*ck other women We are low by nature and have to do it. We are men. All men do it, We have to do it. We are men. It is a man thing. Men must find and conquer as much pu…ssy as they can get. Do not think for two seconds that you are the only one your man is f*cking.
—-
I believe this is a variation on Freud’s theory of “Wit, Salad Tossing, and the Unconscious.”
