Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Ashlee's Poor Choices Continue

2009 Hottest Girl Next Door Hott finalist, Ashlee, still has a taste for the Fratchoad.

And for that, we are all complicit in culture fail.

Friday Haiku

“Sveden is great, Ja!”
Ref Hottie blows whistle foul.
Fill in “blows” joke here.

Umpire hottie,
I see the regret that you
Went home with a ‘bag

— Dicy

Elke, ditch this clown
Leave Billy Idol Junior
Dancing with himself

— Father Guido Sardouchey

Kissy face Douchebag.
Shows off discolored finger.
Hot throws yellow flag.

— Bar_Bag91

Run, Lola hott, run.
Olaf wields IQ of 9;
Runs on 4th and long.

-Amerigo Vesdouchey

Ivan Drago ‘bag
Tanned funbags in the disco
A View to a Douche

— Bag A

With a Rebel Yell,
Hot cried Axe, Axe, like a child,
She has been tainted

— Douchesquire

Known for his toughness
World Analingus Champ called
for not trimming nails

— Douche Bigalow

HCwDB 2.0 on the Way

As we approach the four year anniversary of HCwDB, I’mma get some design all up in this place.

That’s right. HCwDB 2.0 will be launching in less than a month.

I’ll be finally ditching the Blogger Software nightmare that has slowed this site down, caused many brilliant comments to be lost in a “conflicting edits” abyss, and generally sucked teeny tiny monkey ballsack.

Replacing it will be pretty much the same site, but with a few new and fun things (full message board functionality, ability for anyone to upload and vote on pics, etc.). However, many of you may need to reregister your names and profiles, and I’m still determining if original comments threads will fully carry over as well.

So if you’ve written some brilliant stuff in a past thread, and most of the comments threads are filled with genius, be sure to copy/paste/save anything you want to keep. I’m doing my best to make sure all archives carry over 100% but I’m still not sure if it’ll work.

It’s about time we take HCwDB to the next level.

The war between hope and hair grease, this Ed Hardpocalypse of cultural suck and hottie suckle, must carry onward.

And so it shall, kids. And so it shall.

Ask DB1: Unseen Consequences of HCwDB?

—-
DB1,

Business-Casual Douche
—-

This is a hard one to answer, BCD. It’s something that I’ve meditated on frequently during recent incoherent cheap wine and sugar rush enhanced evenings spent sitting on my stained rug and scratching myself.

I would like to think that rendering the choad laughable and mockworthy is a potent antidote to the scrotocalypse, but it is too early to tell how well it’s working. However your question is valid, and one we should consider as the war to save the hott from the scrotund goes into stage II (the televisual and cinematic realm).

However, making a culture aware of its endemic rot is often potent and altering, even if some toadbags become exemplars rather than shunned lepers in the process.

The Double Flush

When douches are in the pool, crushing the hotts in a double press sandwich, and making fists to show their phallic power, where’s the only place to keep one’s cash?

Why, the Sideburns Bill Clip ™, of course.

Salvador Doucheli

I loved your early collaborations with Luis Bunuel on such films as Un Sheen an da Poo, Dream Caused by the Flight of a ‘Bag and Persistence of Scrotery.

Yup.

2010 may be the year of the Hipsterbag.

Prepare yourself. It’s only going to get scruffier.

Lorenzo’s Oil Head

Mark of the ‘bag in the forehead shine. Check. Rosarie Beads. Check. Unbuttoned red rayon shirt. Check.

What’s next to complete the cliche, Lorenzo?

A few “Ayyyy!” and “Fugghedaboutit!”s to Anna while saying how you work in “construction?”

Anna may have the Jerz nosejob and boobies by Dr. Zizmore, but she still deserves better.

Later, Lorenzo tries for the patented Trenton Threesome. With mixed results.

Lorenzo's Oil Head

Mark of the ‘bag in the forehead shine. Check. Rosarie Beads. Check. Unbuttoned red rayon shirt. Check.

What’s next to complete the cliche, Lorenzo?

A few “Ayyyy!” and “Fugghedaboutit!”s to Anna while saying how you work in “construction?”

Anna may have the Jerz nosejob and boobies by Dr. Zizmore, but she still deserves better.

Later, Lorenzo tries for the patented Trenton Threesome. With mixed results.

Bucky Upgrades

Bucky saw last night’s Pink Mesh Hat Tilt and felt threatened.

Even though he’s the 2009 Douchie winner for Douchiest Hat Tilt, Bucky, and his nearly award winning Hottest Hott, Kathy, don’t rest on their laurels.

And by laurels, I mean trade school.

Identical pose, but that’s some stylin’ quality Yankee hat, ripping its four dimensional axes tilt in the space-time continuum. This proves Bucky’s win (and our culture’s loss) was well deserved at the 2009 Douchies.

Kathy looks different. Strange. Still hot, but not quite Kathy. But I’d still awkwardly grope her kneecaps like a cauterized New York sewer rat searching for tasty fried plantains.

No More Faux Walken

—-
Hello DB1,

— Faux Walken
—-

Dammit. I hate nice, polite, well spelled un-Stackhousian takedown requests.

The “I was dressing up for a Jersey Shore” party may be the 2010 version of “it was a douchebag themed party!” Irono-baggery is still authento-douchery, people. Except on Halloween, and only for readers of the site.