Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Valentine's Day Licks Alpaca Scrote

So here’s some boobs.

Douchiano L’Italiano

Mario plays with his dough. And the Axe plague ruins another country.

Douchiano L'Italiano

Mario plays with his dough. And the Axe plague ruins another country.

Your Saturday Boobstructional

Step 1. Touch the boobs.

Step 2. Sniff the boobs.

Step 3. Profit.

Friday Thoughts and Links

Doggie ‘baggin and pud whackin’.

But what’s really important, camera guy, is that local news report. Frame it up.

It’s Friday, and your humble narrator is in San Francisco. And there is one, and only one movie, that sums up this city in the collective unconscious.

The hipsterbags are uber-scruff. But the S.F. hotties are tiny, bubbly and all sorts of sexy.

Here’s your links:

With actor Rip Torn in the news lately for old-age drunkeness, this unedited clip of his early 1970s drug fueled “improv,” in which he hits author Norman Mailer in the head with a hammer, may be his finest moment. Mailer deserved to be hit in the head with a hammer just for writing “The Gospel According to the Son.”

Subway street graffiti for the win.

For the critical theorists among us, Hot Chicks with Slavoj Žižekbags‘.

The greatest single line of dialogue in cinema history.

She likes turtles.

The New York Times video blog confuses the word “douche” with “peacock.”

My computer now has herpes.

The lovely Yasmine Bleeth, she of the archetypal warning to all hot chicks who date douchebags (Richard Grieco), is back and lookin’ pretty good. Perhaps years of rehab from Grieco Virus infection have at least partially un-Bleethed our titular, and I do mean titular, Bleeth.

Yeah, I just made a titular pun.

I don’t quite understand this, but HCwDB inspired some sort of old person sketch.

The greatest action sequence of all time. Avatar can suck on this.

Okay, because I like you, and for all your work on HCwDB this week… you’ve earned it:

Veranda Pear.

Go forth. Go forth and drink. And think. And listen to Englebert Humperdink.

Monchichi the Club Monkey Demands I Delete This Phote

With the eloquence and grammatical skills of a young Bertrand Russell, Tuesday’s Monchichi writes in with a pic takedown “request:”

—-
Subject: delete this pic from youR site or i will contact my lawyer for further legal
To: douchebag1

DELETE THIS PHOTE FROM YOUR SITE OR MY LAWYER WILL BE CONTACTING YOU FOR FURTHER LEGAL PROCESS FOR PRIVACY LAWS AND UN-AUTHORIZED PHOTOS ! ASAP
—–

And then, shortly thereafter:

—–
Subject: remove pic of legal action will be taken !
To: douchebag1

im giving you one last chance to take down this picture and delete any other picture i’am or legal action will be taken upon you and your site for privacy laws try if you dont belive me !!
——

Oh, I belive.

However, since the Club Hotts are adorably cute, and these emails are particularly annoying, I’ll simply fix the pic, rather than remove it entirely.

Ask DB1: Baby ‘Bags

—-
Hey DB1

Thanks!
-Gregoria Mendelbag
—-

Douchebaggery is learned. It is not innate nor genetic, despite the best efforts of the Jerz Guidos to convince us otherwise.

Cultural and parental anxieties of social acceptance are placed upon the young, who intuit from an early age that they must transform their bodies into spectacle to compete with the ever-increasing schizophrenia of our fragmented media universe. The market system’s modus of consumption in the digital age informs the corporeal transformation of the individual.

Beware hot chicks bearing douche-gifts, Gregoria. For in the Book of Vinny it foretells yet another sign of impending scrotocalypse.

Ask DB1: Baby 'Bags

—-
Hey DB1

Thanks!
-Gregoria Mendelbag
—-

Douchebaggery is learned. It is not innate nor genetic, despite the best efforts of the Jerz Guidos to convince us otherwise.

Cultural and parental anxieties of social acceptance are placed upon the young, who intuit from an early age that they must transform their bodies into spectacle to compete with the ever-increasing schizophrenia of our fragmented media universe. The market system’s modus of consumption in the digital age informs the corporeal transformation of the individual.

Beware hot chicks bearing douche-gifts, Gregoria. For in the Book of Vinny it foretells yet another sign of impending scrotocalypse.

Friday Haiku

House Party in ‘burbs.
Elle, Sue and Jen meet Tony.
One will get the herp.

Triple helix lamp
Represents DNA of
Human/Shrew mating

— ‘bagavad gita

Tony shows his patch
He’s got the wrong idea
Guess his muff dot com?

— Bagnonymous

Sweet innocent smiles
Could become tainted with poo
Run as he counts two!!

— Franklyn Dealorno Doucheifelt

Island of chest fur
Attempt to attract three notts
Miserable fail

— Justin

“You guys like ‘Rock Band?'”
He asks the Hotts awkwardly.
“It’s totally rad.”

— boatbutter

Poor guy in background
Had the 3 ladies until
El Suavo walked by.

— Rage and Lust in the times of Holbrooks

How many Rayons
Died to make this tool that shirt?
Shameless cruelty.

— Wedgie

Where’s Lil’ Timmy?

Somewhere in this pic of “lez-curious” barely legals starting to get their buzz on at Grammy’s house in Ozone Park, I’ve carefully hidden Lil’ Timmy.

Look closely.

Can you find him thanking God?