Friday Thoughts and Links
Your humble narrator is hard at work polishing his site’s redesign. And by “polishing his site’s redesign,” I mean a Madlibian euphemism for:
1. Masturbation
2. Alcohol
3. Tasty Mr. Pibb, which is superior to Dr. Pepper, even if it only has an undergraduate degree.
Yup. Makin’ no sense, takin’ no names, and playin’ no Pac-Man.
Here’s your links:
Who wants some fuccen Nesquick?
Anyone who thinks all those “Game” strategies to seduce women by acting like a choad have run their course, think again. There’s: Project Charm.
Reader Justin La Plante (no relation to Ass Pear La Plante) has started up a Facebook series on Douche Rock. Give a fellow ‘bag hunter some support.
Need a job? How about Tanning Butler?
Documentary I’m most excited to see in 2010? American: The Bill Hicks Story.
Best gameshow ever. French women are uber-gnaw.
Christian Audiger shits on a Cadillac.
And, even more depressingly, unveils the Ed Hardy Wedding Cake. Guaranteeing six months of wedded bliss and a lifetime of Valtrex.
“Ganguro,” a highly toxic new strain of Douchebaguette, heads for American shores.
Epic Fail finds Epic Freak. (Warning: disturbingly creepy)
Sometimes an HCwDB pic needs a little Facebookian Context for true ‘bag effect.
Ya know, some days I want to venture to a museum of modern art. I want to contemplate Degas and Van Gogh and Renoir. I want to drink in the highest accomplishments of the human race. And other days, I just want to watch Ass Pear playing xBox.
And while an actual Ass Pear pic seems anticlimaxtic after that clip, here’s your Friday Ass Pear:
Go forth, friends. Go forth, and ferment. For the weekend is thine.
I love the Ass Pears!
“The position requires a uniform, however — an official “Tanning Butler” T-shirt and holster for carrying bottles of sunscreen — so you can differentiate between the official butler and creeps trying to get frisky.”
But, a few paragraphs later…
“Oh, and if you’d like a tanning butler T-shirt, the Ritz sells them for $29.50 a piece. So you, too, can convince the ladies — or gents — that you’re qualified to apply sunscreen.”
So, the “official uniform” is for sale for $29.50? How much for the spritz bottle, then? And does the butler get a giant spatula to flip the tanners if they’re too lazy to roll their carcass over for an even tan?
well, hello fresh-scrubbed looking teenage prego(i know its the dress, but its how they look to me) and your supportive sassy gay friend who hasn’t yet met a boy and is living vicariously through the slutdom he pushes you toward, and hi to the older sister who met the new megachurch preacher right at the time he was beginning to have a huge career, the one who talked fresh-scrubbed out of having the abortion by threatening to cut a bitch if she went through with it….whew…ok now time to look at asspear.
Gay. With his exchange student housemates Inga And Helga, whom have shared many of the tales of the ways of the gay, Hans had his one hetero experience which by the power of TOR turned him into a douchebag porcupine.
I can’t link to the friday ass pear damnit. Is it because I’m not a mod? (After all I’m a Rocker.)
TOR will no longer be mentioned for his little head leaves him as the one who must not be named.
**clicks on**
I Love Ass-Box Pear
**clicks off**
How did DarkSock’s avatar show up in the article for Ganguro?
Weird, the link for the ass pear only shows up for me in the comments page. Not sure if it’s a glitch or if Chrome can’t handle the site.
I used to have a souped up Navigator, which after 10 years, a wife and 2 kids later, was very douchebag. This Escalade is appalling douche. Must run to the store to get my Friday bottle of Jack before the wife gets home. I go in my 2005 Chevy Venture. Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Canada is cool by the way. Only 25 miles to buffalo???????????????????????????????
Have a drunk fuccken weekend!!!!!!!!!!
And before I forget, Bill Hicks was one of the funniest men to ever walk the face of this cursed planet.
Scatmunchers!!!!
And Chrome Pear really is fantastic. I want to touch it. But not in a sexual way… you perverts.
Just in a way that involves my penis inside of it.
Ganguro is more frightening that anything I have seen in quite some time. Ebola, gangrene, piranas, snookie, AIDS, Ed Hardy, Ellen in a swimsuit, Oprah without make-up hair and proper lighting, the tattooed broad Jesse James was banging all pale in comparison that is the horror that is Ganguro. And because of this, we need many more than two ass pear pictures to counter this horrifying image.
This site really doesn’t work well with my blackberry. The old version worked better. It doesn’t show updated comments or posts once you log in. Worst of all, it cut off todays asspear pic. No Link. Any upgrades for us mobile users?
i googled the word ganguro and the girls in the wikipedia article about it looked actually kinda cute in a “Mid-summer night’s dream” theme party kinda way…not sure if the girls in the blog link just took it too far or weren’t as naturally attractive and then the ganguroi made it worse but i’m willing to imagine that Ganguro is like Indian girls….unbelievably sexually hot or completely not.
Of course the Facebook douche is Turkish…he’s got immigrant or first gen american insecurity written all over him.
killer ass-pears.
Army of DOuche-ness
After seeing that Ganguro site, I was thinking maybe it’s time that I go full-on gay, but chrome ass pear and video game pear pulled me back from the brink.
Damn that was a close one.
If a Ganguro Douchebaguette mated with Epic Freak their offspring would look like this
THIS
Also, I have a link to Chrome pear nekkid with no clothes on. But I ain’t talking
Chrome pear looks kind of frankensteinian. Like, she had her legs cut off by a train, just below the knees, and they did a really clean job of sewing them back on, but the scars remain…
Chrome pear reminds me: I like my women how I like my coffee.
Chopped up in the freezer.
Did Epic Freak remind anyone of Francis Dolarhyde from Red Dragon?
To the panel:
Do we need a new word for ‘hipsterbag’ now, too?
Jesse James-Sandra Bullock follow up.
Dudes, if you are going to cheat on the old lady with a gal with shitty tattoos like THESE
At least make sure the front looks like THIS
Ganguro would look hot with a blacklight on.
@Vin
Thanks for nothing. That’s just mean.
The french game show needed a camera on the *other* side of the barrels.
French girls are epic gnawable.
btw, can we rename the “Eurobag 16” to something related to Bret Easton Ellis stories related to LA in the easrly-mid 80’s?
BEEbag?
Easton Elliscrote?
Less than 0scrote?
“Disappear-here”-bag?
Informers-bag?
Clay-bag?
graham-bag? a random graham-bag of douche?
I wonder if the french ass pear playing xbox is clenching her cheeks consciously or because shes that into the game? thoughts?
Ganguro frightened me like few other things I’ve seen on this site have before. Then I saw Ass-Box Playing Pear, and all that horror was completely forgotten. My god, the things I’d do just for a chance to touch that butt once…
And yum, whether the butt flexing was voluntary or involuntary, does it matter? Never before has the twitching of my erection and the recorded twitching of some uberhott’s buttocks been so absolutely linked. It was downright Pavlovian.
Remember to stand up you eggs on end Saturday. Its the spring equinox.
Ganguro – straight out of Japan. Methinks it’s time to fire up another Big Boy.
The inventor of that French gameshow obstacle course needs to be the subject of a “real men of genius” commercial pronto. This buds for you, Mr. Boobs a poppin’ wardrobe malfunction log roll creator!
Thanks for linking me guys!!
Melissa
from Boredom.No.Moredom.
Thanks for linking me guys on the Ganguro post!!!
Melissa
from
Boredom.No.Moredom
for the cubically oppressed.
The douche in this picture looks like the bastard love child of Johnny Bravo and Joe Buck. God how I hate Joe Buck. His father = awesome announcer. Joe Buck = sucks a bag of dicks. I STILL remember watching the 2004 World Series and him whining like a little schoolgirl with s skinned knee trying his damndest to make it out like the Sox should lose.
Ganguro: I will go kamikaze on one of them if I see it. On second thought, where did I put that machete? Ritual be-headings rule!
Ganguro. What the fuck is that? Half lizard, half man, half yikes, half DS. Too many halves??? I wouldn’t rear end that in the dark with my sister’s cockkk!
And she has a huge head.
re: Ganguro
I thought I had already lost all hope of redemption of the current crop of 15-25 females what with their tendency to hop on douchebags and all, but this actually found a little that was hiding in a dark corner and lost it too.
DB1: @ facebook-Banacek Burrows. Canadian douchebags on St.Patricks Day. I don’t know how to put in a fancy link cause it’s cold up here and I’m old watching Hannah Montana with the young’ns and drunk as fuck.. These guys are supreme douchebags beyond their years. I went to high school with them. They were cool back then.
Apparently they’ve found Porch Beef on Facebook. Who knew?!!
That ganguro shit? I have the same feeling as the person commenting in Epic Freak: Kill it, kill it with fire!
Is there no end to the scrote stain that is Ed Hardy? That taint is slithering in like a giant rabid octopus, grabbing everything in its path with its slime-ridden tentacles. Nothing short of nuclear warfare is going to stop this shit, I’m afraid.
Many of us women will take a stand against douchebags.
I applaud this woman for not only making fun of these idiots, but doing it all in a bikini!!
http://melissadesa.wordpress.com/2009/07/31/one-daring-girl-in-a-bikini/
Melissa
Boredom.No/Moredom
Thanks for the linkage HCWDB. WE NEED TO STAND UP AGAINST THE STAIN OF DOUCHE seeping into our music.
I’m trying to decide if I should do dream theater, disturbed or nickelback next.
I can’t tell if those Ganguro chicks are racist or love raccoons.
My balls itch.
this guys hair is weird, enough said, and now to a different subject, i just went on youtube and it said “videos being watched now: justin beiber”. wtf?! how the fuck is he so popular and how does he get that many hits on youtube?! that fucking cunt needs to get fucked by Saddam Hussein in hell.
and so justin beiber is just as much of a douche as this guy in the pic.
Knowing that I can get home from work late, with the wife and kids in slumber land, and fire up my shitty old Dell for some mind numbing inter tubes and a drink- well Ass Pear is the perfect prelude to the dance between Brawny, and Jergens, and myself that will ensue later.
I’m about to pass out from exhaustion, so I’ll just quickly say this while I’m still conscious. Just Sayin @ 4:41 beat me to it, but now there’s two of us with the same idea. Japan, you have been warned. We will do it again.
@ Vin 1:08
Both sides are equally disturbing, IMHO. Nothin’ a bag over her head won’t fix…..
@ Melissa:
It is common knowledge here at HCWDB that all new female contributors are required to be approved by yours truly before they can begin to post. Please send lingerie pics of yourself to kate@nastyrubber.com and I will notify you as soon as your status is approved.
*Shut the fuck up you guys, it’s gonna work this time, damnit*
RE Project Charm: Nice to see another Chicago fat fuck making an asshole of himself. I’m sure this “Goddess” of his will be thrilled to know that their relationship is borne of bullshit manipulative mind games. Way to go, tubby. I’ll see you at Johnnie’s, choking down another Italian beef and a lemon ice, crying like a little bitch next Wednesday. Nimrod.
Christian Audigier: Please see my above warning to Japan. This also applies to you. Radiation poisoning puts a lot of things into perspective.
Have a pleasant weekend, ‘bag boys and girls. I’m going to go pass out and by that I don’t mean masturbate.
if your bored this will just make things even weirder. its like watching paint dry on lsd, and then hallucinating about watching paint dry. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b6sTInmxHg
http://reviews.harmony-central.com/reviews/Guitar/product/Jackson/Rhoads+Custom+Shop+Polka+Dot+V/10/1
Ganguro is one scary phenomenon, like a Hallowe’en that wouldn’t quit and hi-jacked Raggedy Ann in the process. Reminds me of some of those north African tribes with the painted faces, googly eyes and ginormous toothy smiles. Could National Geographic and Smithsonian be more influential than previously thought?
Ass pears in motion may be a good antidote, as long as Proceed at Your Own Risk is posted before male appendages seek rear entry. Nothing like an ass pear with lotsa links to more of the same, Db1, all da fellas here must be prostrate with thanks on this one! Or the prostates are, mebbe both.
have a great weekend guys,
i hope your weekend is more fun then finding justin beiber lying in the road half dead, and then drowning him in paint to finish him off, can you believe that fucking fag motherfucker has now bought himself a range rover?! bet he wont even be able to see over the wheel, hopefully he’ll crash it and die, someone argued with me on youtube that his songs are good, er no, hello there fucking shit, his new song is called”baby”, well ill tell you something ill fucking shove him back up his mothers pussy where he belongs, because he is a just a idiot baby.
I just woke from a Hannah Montana and some other Disney mill fueled movie. But my eyes have been fried by this Justin Bieber and the booze soaked nightmares I will suffer to avoid divorce.
He is supposed to be a Canadian. For that, my friends, I will soak my head in my in bootleg whiskey while cheating on my wife with young office girls with accounting designations and grieve. And apologize for Celine Dion. We don’t want her back.
WTF? Looks like Project Charm is some sort of ‘for profit’ website!
Ganguro might look cute on select 15-18 year old Japanese girls. Outside of that demographic lurks madness.
All the newly-deputized-lord-god-king-bufu-baghunters in unison:
“RESPECT MY AUTHORITY”
It’s pronounced “AUTHORI-TAYYY”.
Chad Kroeger, you a light bulb lookin’ motherfucker.
I am against trying to get rid of the douchebags. They should be encouraged then mocked behind their backs. Just like drug addiction, it has to be their choice to quit.
Idiot consumers like them are the driving force behind my retail endeavers. I have never found a product to be too stupid to sell.
The Obama el caganer statue is the perfect example.
Also Pet Rocks, Chia Pets, Fake tatoo sleeves and Ronald Reagan.
Ass-Box Playing Pear….Jeezus where do I start? I must have watched that 5 times and I know I’ll be back. That’s just tasty goodness. As for the flexing being voluntary/involuntary…I’d say involuntary as my impending orgasm. People do all kinds of weird leaning and twisting when playing those games…but never, ever have they been so lovely.
“This is what girls must feel like when they look at a sunset” – Mitch Fatel
Not that Chrome Pear is anything to shake a stick at….and by stick I mean anything other than my penis.
That’s the same lovely flesh chalice as Rudolph Pear, right? She might deserve her own revered spot a la LaPlante.
LOL@ Medusa Oblongada. Nice try. You definitely made me grin though. The only pic you will partially see of me is on the “Who Is Saving Me From My Boredom?” page in the top right corner of my homepage. But I’m sure it’s Amish by everyone’s standards on the interwebs.
I come to this site every so often to check out all the funny shit. Hope you enjoy my site too. And by “site” I mean “site”.
Later!
Melissa
Boredom.No.Moredom
http://melissadesa.wordpress.com
whoa the tanning butler made it to the Friday T&L. thank you DB1.
oh my.
who needs Chrome Pear when you have Melissa’s shadowy and sinisterly tantalizing silhouette?
no need for the lingerie photos Melissa. i’ve already jizzed a few times. i’m a jizz rat like that.
but i see you too, Xbox pear. and i have nothing to say other than: JESUS CHRIST ON A FUCKING BICYCLE.
i just wish you were playing Bioshock 2 or something.
Word of the year: Jizz rat.
jizz rats in skinner boxes.
^ Snork
Damn, Melissa, forget the lingerie pics, that will do nicely. You are one curvy dish, arooooga! Makes me want to eat more red beans and rice so I can grow up to be the same way.
What the hell does that mean….
It means you wanna be a chick.
….or in a Sir Mix A Lot video.
@ Melissa–
I am a chick. Ha ha, you have a lesbian stalker!!! Don’t worry. I’m only gay on Sundays ’cause it makes the Church mad.
glad you liked the word “jizz rat” Melissa. because, if not, then… uh… do i have to apologize every time i jizz, then? that would royally fuck me over. because i’ve just found your face on your Twitter account, as advertised on your blog. so i think you’re inevitably going to see the term “jizz rat” a lot more often.
there goes 2 more brand new bars of soap when i take a shower today.
I ran “ganguro” through babelfish. Means “blackface”
Pay no attention to the troll above, through my connections in the pharmaceutical industry I’ve found a way to make Valtrex out of my garage! Let me know if any of you are similarly afflicted and also interested in producing Guatemalan pharmacy grade drugs in your own home!
@ End the Hab: Troll? I see no troll…
Medusa – lol, my bad. I should’ve assumed with the name!! Still, flattered lol.
Steve – Well, there goes MY mystique eh?
Hi! and georgia flag flower and buy auto insurance online california and best file hosting and aces conferences and direct ford loan student and
How are you? and holistic dentist london and dispute a bankruptcy on your credit report and college guaranteed student loan and fbi computer security institute and web hosting panel and articles on life insurance and
Hi! and flower janesville wisconsin and payday advance loan pennsylvania and send flower to puerto rico and security network software and college student debt and
Howdy, and car get insurance uk and credit report three agency and center chicago conference illinois rosemont and christmas flower wedding and auto diego insurance san and boston flower ma winston and
Hi! and drawing flower tattoo and tulip flower arrangements and load operating system onto cell phone and reseller web hosting cisco and dentist rosslyn and roxy palace online casino and expeditionary warfare conference and
Howdy, and badger care insurance and international radar conference and debt debt default large problem serious theivacompanycom and warren conference and costume flower halloween and
Hello! and nacufs conference and car insurance cheap quote uk and debt group reduction and debt consolidations companies and national service life insurance and home security system voip and christian woman conference theme and