Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

The Cast of “One Tree Hill” Looks for Employment

Times are tight in Hollywood. Working actors gotta make ends meet, know what I’m sayin?



But I see the black sheep of the Chan family managed to convince one of the shots girls to lick off the residual glitter from tonight’s performance.



Good for you, Kevin. So sorry to hear your angry parents have now put their faith in your younger brother Patrick, currently at M.I.T., to carry on the family name. But that’s the price you pay for livin’ the dream.

The Cast of "One Tree Hill" Looks for Employment

Times are tight in Hollywood. Working actors gotta make ends meet, know what I’m sayin?

But I see the black sheep of the Chan family managed to convince one of the shots girls to lick off the residual glitter from tonight’s performance.

Good for you, Kevin. So sorry to hear your angry parents have now put their faith in your younger brother Patrick, currently at M.I.T., to carry on the family name. But that’s the price you pay for livin’ the dream.

Friday Haiku

Greasy Rockerbag,

“Left chin pubes on green.”

No reader updates,

DB1 is at airport,

JetBlue wifi fail.

I see a Bleeth girl

Already in position

For peeing in butt

– Mr. White

————

Saturday updates:

Wholesome flesh pretzel

Salted with Axe and Grey Goose…

Now, not gnawable.

– fidouchiary responsibility

Its twisted Twister

As a Douche gropes his sister

Next pic he kissed her!

— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt

Douche with stringy hair

Thinks he has hit the jackpot

Taint begs to differ

— Fyodor Dostedouchesky

Doctor Wankenstein

Does what others only think:

*Her* face with *Her* ass

— saulgoode42

Tangled, twisted mess

of grease, sweat, and firm round ass

baking in the sun.

— Bagnonymous

When this bunch gets through,

It will redefine this game.

Henceforth, called Blister.

— scrotum pole

This not the best time

for starting up a new game

of Chutes and Bladders.

— Wheezer

Arms and legs flail.

See-through shorts begin to droop.

Get me a hot dog.

— Claude Douchenburg

Ask DB1: Are Bodybuilders Bodybags?

—-

DB1,

Sincerely MJS.

—-

We define douchebaggery as the transformation of the body into spectacle to attract attention, so by that definition, yes, anyone who excessively works on their body beyond the point of good health or physique, qualifies.

However, as we see with Lumpy here, and his distant cousin, the late, great Pumpy, good humor and good cheer can go a long way towards mitigating any inherent douche classification.

So I will say yes, extreme bodybuilders start at a basic stage-1 ‘bag status. But can redeem themselves if there are no other scrotal signifiers present, and they exhibit self deprecating humor about their own cartoonish bodies.

And I see you too, Stacy. The pinch you just felt on your buttcheek? Wasn’t me. Okay, it was.

Trollbag 5: Back in Crust

You sighed with relief when HCwDB legend The Trollbag was killed by lesbian sniper fire in the Charles Band classic Trollbag 3: Revenge of Trollbag.

You shook with terror when he returned from the undead in outer New Jersey to unleash his silly hair on the hotties in Trollbag 4: Hairgel of the Fallen.

Now, Full Moon Pictures presents the latest straight-to-DVD release to purchase a small table at Comicon…

Trollbag 5: Back in Crust!!!!

Coming soon, to a bittorrent download near you!!

Yup. The DB1 is already drunk. I blame the tasty sugary goodness of a Hostess Fruit Pie. It goes so yummy with screw-top wine.

A Squid Brother Goes Freelance

After appearing on the site last Tuesday macking on three sexy trampy Hooters girls, Bernie Squid has decided to take his greased abs act on the road as a solo performance piece.

Because a playah’s gotta do what a playah’s gotta do.

Making a push for the weekly, are we, Squid Brother?

EDIT: Marissa’s firm peach-gnaw buttocks of juicy fruit chomp deserve mention. And so I mention them. And by mention, I mean fwick with a towel, then run and hide behind the cabana.

Kenny Von Douchegoggles

Kenny Von Douchegoggles may love his newly acquired blu-blocker douche goggles in an ironic, playful way.

And his girlfriend, Monroe, may find it as amusing as when he drove his Nissan away from the Arco station last winter with the pump still in the car.

But it is not passable.

Douche goggles at night are automatic stage-2 mocking.  Factor in hairspike, and Kenny is Autoflush.

Sorry, Ken. You may not be making douchey hand gestures, nor have garish tatts and Ed Hardy. But the goggles, they do everything.

Pleasy Punchmyfacekowitz

I’ve known many a Long Island ‘bag who like to bother amateur figure skater cutie older sisters like Tonya here.

But never have I met a Long Island ‘bag with a more appropriate name than Pleasy Punchmyfacekowitz.

It’s Scotch-Romanian.

Create a Profile on HCwDB

One of the things I’m most pleased with about the new site (in spite of the many tweaks still to be done) is that you can register on HCwDB and create a profile without having to register on any of the larger sites like Blogger or WordPress itself.

To create your own HCwDB profile, click here to register on the site and you’re good to go.

Then you can contribute in the comments threads as well as over on the still rudimentary (but soon to be designed) message board.

Uploading an Avatar is a bit trickier, ya gotta do that elsewhere for some reason I can’t figure out, but Steve L. posted detailed instructions here.

Welcome to the next phase of our war of collective mock on the powers of scrotepuddery and Bleethery. Now freed up from larger corporate overlording fascism, and entirely on our own.

Let’s mock!

They Were In Miami Bitch

I’ll take “Redundant T-Shirts” for the block, Tom.

And circle gets the square.