Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Red Lobster

Please Sarah, whatever you do, don’t try the crabs.

The Real Housewives of Choadklahoma

And the milfs ask, “Is that a banana on your shirt or are you just a heaping pile of smelly douchepoo?”

Oh Sarah Jessica mom on the right.

How your zebra boobies refuse to stay concealed with the firmest of resistances.

How I applaud those resiliant boobies in this, the time of your 30s. With two annoying kids in the back of your SUV.

Your life suggests vacuous middle class suburban malaise. Endless Red Lobster dinners and CostCo shopping cards. But your boobies refuse to give in to the mediocrity of culture sprawl.

And for that, I touch them awkwardly with my pinky.

Friday Haiku

Stallone Douche says “yo!”
Shows toxic Groin Shave Reveal,
While Pam’s boobs implode.

Those pink ta-maters
Give me wood this fine morning
Douchebag kills the mood

– Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt

Flesh-eating worms grow
big in each abdomen. Feed
on Axe and plastic.

– Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

Her name is Nena
Not all of the poofed balloons
Are long, white and bent.

– Wheezer

Weather looks steamy,
A polka-dot bikini,
One tiny weenie.

– scrotum pole

Today’s episode
Of Douching for Dollars is
Brought to you by splut

– saulgoode42

Her boobs are legit
As Gypsy Three Card Monte
Using three d-cups

– Vin Douchal

Friday Thoughts and Links

This is the new site, but it’s a mess right now, so don’t look anywhere but here. Nothing else is online.

It’s sunny and 74 degrees in Los Angeles, as your narrator gives you the weather report with a nod of homage to the great David Lynch.

The Margarita sisters are drinking out of RareAss Clear Cup, while meatheads Vin and Sal pose like scrotal rocks.

My obsession with Hostess Fruit Pies continues since the local bodegas began stocking them above the Ring Dings.

I nosh on some chemical fruit. And I laugh at silly watches on douchescrotes.

Life is good.

Here’s your links:

HCwDB legend Joey Porsche arrested?

Hot Chocolate Bunnies with Douche Chocolate Bunnies.

Speaking of greatest things, how about the greatest closing title sequence of the 80s . Weller + Goldblum = win, even if one of Bonzai’s crew is a proto-douche.

For there is only one collar pop that gets a nottadouche, and it is Buckaroo Bonzai. Rockstar Leniency Rule exemplified.

What Would Jesus Douche?

Giant Isopods feast. Or, as they call it in Jersey, “All You Can Eat.”

Hot Chicks with Smurfbags

You know you want it. You know you’ve earned it.

So who am I to deny you your reward for another week of douche mocking?

Double Surf Pear.

Not enough? Okay, one more.

Hourglasspear. I want to teethe upon ’tis cheek.

Red Lobster

Please Sarah, whatever you do, don’t try the crabs.

The Real Housewives of Choadklahoma

And the milfs ask, “Is that a banana on your shirt or are you just a heaping pile of smelly douchepoo?”

Oh Sarah Jessica mom on the right.

How your zebra boobies refuse to stay concealed with the firmest of resistances.

How I applaud those resiliant boobies in this, the time of your 30s. With two annoying kids in the back of your SUV.

Your life suggests vacuous middle class suburban malaise. Endless Red Lobster dinners and CostCo shopping cards. But your boobies refuse to give in to the mediocrity of culture sprawl.

And for that, I touch them awkwardly with my pinky.

I guess we’re live

Hell. The site’s a mess and it wasn’t supposed to go live until next week, but fuggit.

I’m gettin’ drunk.

I guess we're live

Hell. The site’s a mess and it wasn’t supposed to go live until next week, but fuggit.

I’m gettin’ drunk.

Friday Haiku

Stallone Douche says “yo!”
Shows toxic Groin Shave Reveal,
While Pam’s boobs implode.

Those pink ta-maters
Give me wood this fine morning
Douchebag kills the mood

– Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt

Flesh-eating worms grow
big in each abdomen. Feed
on Axe and plastic.

– Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

Her name is Nena
Not all of the poofed balloons
Are long, white and bent.

– Wheezer

Weather looks steamy,
A polka-dot bikini,
One tiny weenie.

– scrotum pole

Today’s episode
Of Douching for Dollars is
Brought to you by splut

– saulgoode42

Her boobs are legit
As Gypsy Three Card Monte
Using three d-cups

– Vin Douchal

Karen’s Ear Wax Problem

This new douche run Ear Cleaning Business is really taking off.

First Cindy.

Now Karen.