Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

HCwDB of the Week Tomorrow

I was gonna skip doing an HCwDB of the Week this week, what with it being a short Memorial Day four-day week, but the power of Starblazer (pictured here, out of focus) vs. The Shark compels it.

Get ready.

Tomorrow morning, the hottie/douchey smackdown is on.

Wishing You a Contemplative and Reflective Memorial Day

As we contemplate those soldiers who paid the ultimate sacrifice in blood and tears in times of war, let us also remember this:

The Starblazer and Astra are now cohabiting with 2009 Douchebag of the Year, the legendary Smoot.

No Weekly today. Regular postings resume tomorrow.

Your Sunday Frolic

Because if there’s one thing more badass than the Douchebag Skippy Frolic Dance, it’s the Douchebag Skippy Frolic Dance framed up sideways “gangsta” style.

Your Saturday Sharkbag

Just when you thought it was safe to go in the clubs.

We’re gonna need a bigger cattleprod.

That’s not a tatt. I’ll show you a tatt.

Chariot of the Puds

“Lo! And when the Lord your G-d presents to you the burning bush of Heidi, and her shepherd of douche Spencer, and when they regard the Archangel Audigier, their spawn shall be the unholy Scrotan Child, who will usher in the Dark Douchepocalypse.” — Chariot of the Puds, p. 342

Friday Thoughts and Links

Only a few muted thoughts, as we sail on into this Memorial Day Weekend, and Night Oranger greases up his chest shave to impress Chrissie.

And my thought is this: Life is like a teenage Samoan mudwrestler.

Onery. Dirty. And enjoys tasty samplings of assorted Beech’s candy after matches.

No idea what the hell I’m saying anymore. Here’s your links:

Squidbillies on Adult Swim gets into the animated douche mocking business. I approve.

The Village Voice blog riffs on the Ed Hardy condom, HCwDB style.

Speaking of the Hardpocalypse: Ed Cardy.

One of the greatest SNL sketches of all time: Lord and Lady Douchebag.

With apologies to the late, great Rodney Dangerfield for stealing his line: Now I know why tigers eat their young.

I find soccer to be root-canal painful to watch, but this ad is pretty genius.

Benny got five kids to feed!

And off Benny’s genius performance in one of the true masterpieces of the 1990s, I give you an assterpiece:

Squirt Pear.

Go forth unto Canaan and spread the word of ‘bag mocking. So sayeth Saul’s best friend, Morty. For it was another solid week of ‘bag mocking and hott lusting. And you deserve your weekend.

Tammy and Bob are Killin’ Time, Waitin’ For Ass Pear

Yup. One of those lazy-ass Fridays for your humble narrator, who’s running out of quality HCwDB pics and desperately scrambling to make posts out of increasingly thin material.

I knew I picked the wrong week to give up sniffing scratch-and-sniff stickers.

Tammy and Bob are Killin' Time, Waitin' For Ass Pear

Yup. One of those lazy-ass Fridays for your humble narrator, who’s running out of quality HCwDB pics and desperately scrambling to make posts out of increasingly thin material.

I knew I picked the wrong week to give up sniffing scratch-and-sniff stickers.

No More Philosophy

—-

subject: may 22 philosophic picture

— reema

—-

Feds are still working on tracking down the mysterious submitter of the image, Reema, but local police have released the following image of the suspect, believed to be a fugitive from the law and douching abroad in France.

Good luck with your investigation, and may this culprit be apprehended for his crimes against humanity.

Friday Haiku

Cheap flight to Cancun,

Angie’s tortadas: perky.

Now I know why its

called Montezuma’s revenge.

Grieco virus breeds.

— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

Mexican rulers

Considering a big fence

To keep out the douche

— Bagnonymous

Make love, not war BOOBS

Tune in, turn on, drop out BOOBS

Groovy, far out BOOBS

— Wheezer

His giant wrist watch

Solemnly reminds me that

It’s time to get ill.

— Crucial Head

American spunk

Fleshing out a peace agreement

Ernesto says no

— saulgoode42

Its Jamacian Day

Lake Elsinore bombarded

With 4:20 Douche

— Vin Douchal