Wednesday, May 12, 2010
‘Bag Libs: Yo Jimbo Edition
Yesterday’s HCwDB ‘Bag Libs game produced a hilarious thread, so lets keep it going:
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his _____, it was the way his _____ was always able to ______.
Fill in the blanks in the comments thread.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his roid-encrusted body, it was the way his mandana was always able to make his hair blond and spiky like a Super Saiyan.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his dexterity, it was the way his fist was always able to fit all the way up Chas’ arse.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his presence, it was the way his inescapable stench was always able to be removed using industrial fumigation techniques.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his George Foreman Grill, it was the way his left arm was always able to recover from third degree burns.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his hairstyle, it was the way his split ends were always able to tickle and clean his broheim’s taint and leave nothing behind but the memories.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his posse, it was the way his best bud, the world-famous Iron Chef Douchebag was always able to serve up five exotic hotts regardless of the secret ingredient, which for tonight was “cheesy trucker hats”.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls loved about his flaccid penis, it was the way his boyfriend seated beside them was always able to dock it.
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Thanks Medusa
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his mandana, it was the way his greasy forehead was always able to be hidden.
Yo jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls loved about hisToyota Prius,it was the way hisfaulty braking systemwas alway able tocause a potential life-threatening accident.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his shock-zilla, it was the way his pokemon was always able to pok-e-her.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his GROTESQUE THREE-FINGERED RIGHT HAND, it was the way his GROTESQUE THREE-FINGERED LEFT HAND was always able to BALANCE IT OUT SO EXQUISITELY.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his daikaiju rubber suit cosplay, it was the way his Smog Monster was always able to fellate an industrial smokestack.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his steroid fueled body, it was the way his equally douchey boyfriend was always able to inject him in the rear.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his horribly disfigured hand from an unfortunate cotton gin accident, it was the way his bent fingers were always able to pleasure three girls and a Shih Tzu at the same time.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his insecurities, it was the way his Father was always able to make him clutch his behind and weep softly.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his vagina, it was the way his bush was always able to hold a half pound of crabs.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his pussy, it was the way his taint was always able to speak fluent Swahili.
True fact.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his leatherbound collection of poetry by Stackhouse, it was the way his adenoid condition was always able to make it sound like Arnold Stang reciting Beckett.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his CROTCHLESS UNDERWEAR, it was the way his MICRO-DINK was always able to HOLD THEIR PROMISE RINGS WHILE THEY WASHED THEIR HANDS
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls loved most about his frequent trips to Hiroshima, it was the way his sperm count was always able to be reduced to nothing.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his MOTHER’S MOUTH it was the way his MOTHER’S MOUTH was always able to ACCOMMODATE MORE THAN THREE COCKS AT ONE TIME.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his thesis on 20th century western social thought, it was the way his theory on moral relativism in naturalistic existentialism was always able to be so effortlessly incorporated with absolutist views of morality subject to regional anthropological disciplines.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his Hello Kitty Collection, it was the way his Mandana was always able to be the newest one just released from the Hello Kitty Factory.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his PRACTICALLY NON-EXISTENT COCK it was the way his LITTLE SISTER’S TONGUE was always able to MAKE IT SPIT.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his HOMOSEXUAL TENDENCIES it was the way his SPHINCTER was always able to WHISTLE TRADITIONAL KABUKI MUSIC.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls loved most about his ATM card, it was the way his Asian hooker addiction was always able to drain his resources and ensure them all a profitable weekend.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his farts, it was the way his ass was always able to move up and down you dig, farting out the words. It was unlike anything I ever heard.
This ass talk had sort of a gut frequency. It hit you right down there like you gotta go. You know when the old colon gives you the elbow and it feels sorta cold inside, and you know all you have to do is turn loose? Well this talking hit you right down there, a bubbly, thick stagnant sound, a sound you could smell.
This man worked for a carnival you dig, and to start with it was like a novelty ventriliquist act. Real funny, too, at first. He had a number he called “The Better ‘Ole” that was a scream, I tell you. I forget most of it but it was clever. Like, “Oh I say, are you still down there, old thing?”
“Nah I had to go relieve myself.”
After a while the ass start talking on its own. He would go in without anything prepared and his ass would ad-lib and toss the gags back at him every time.
Then it developed sort of teeth-like little raspy in-curving hooks and started eating. He thought this was cute at first and built an act around it, but the asshole would eat its way through his pants and start talking on the street, shouting out it wanted equal rights. It would get drunk, too, and have crying jags nobody loved it and it wanted to be kissed same as any other mouth. Finally it talked all the time day and night, you could hear him for blocks screaming at it to shut up, and beating it with his fist, and sticking candles up it, but nothing did any good and the asshole said to him: “It’s you who will shut up in the end. Not me. Because we dont need you around here any more. I can talk and eat and shit.”
After that he began waking up in the morning with a transparent jelly like a tadpole’s tail all over his mouth. This jelly was what the scientists call un-D.T., Undifferentiated Tissue, which can grow into any kind of flesh on the human body. He would tear it off his mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly and grow there, grow anywhere on him a glob of it fell. So finally his mouth sealed over, and the whole head would have have amputated spontaneous — (did you know there is a condition occurs in parts of Africa and only among Negroes where the little toe amputates spontaneously?) — except for the eyes you dig. Thats one thing the asshole couldn’t do was see. It needed the eyes. But nerve connections were blocked and infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldn’t give orders any more. It was trapped in the skull, sealed off. For a while you could see the silent, helpless suffering of the brain behind the eyes, then finally the brain must have died, because the eyes went out, and there was no more feeling in them than a crab’s eyes on the end of a stalk.
-Burroughs
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his Little Emperor, it was the way his erection was always able to be postponed.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his multiple studded 6 inch long tongue, it was the way his diamond studs were always able to produce earth shaking orgasms.
Yo Jimbo knew that if there was one thing Japanese girls loved most about his AMAZING RESEMBLANCE TO TEKKEN CHARACTER PAUL PHOENIX it was the way his INCREDIBLY CRUSTY HAIR was always able to INSPIRE JAPANESE GUYS TO IMITATE KAZUYA MISHIMA AND BEAT THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF HIM.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his wang, it was the way his foreskin was always able to cover the venereal warts.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his guy pal Chas, it was the way his tongue was always able to paint his taint in one broad stroke..
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls loved about his proclivity to emulate avian fecal convulsions with his spinal column it was the way his obsessive desire to control South American hydraulic valve production was always able to balance his diet with leafy vegetables.
Dammit. I should have copyrighted “baglibs” before I posted it. At least give me a part in the movie. Maybe as the dad of a hott who takes away the hair gel of a guido juicehead bag and throws the gel in his face to disorient him and then kicks the sh!t out of him and warns him to stay away from Trixie. This stuff writes itself.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his black platinium AMEX card, it was the way his propensity to Run with the Goose and it always was able to help him achieve a proper 15 second erection and extra big tip for the girls for the happy ending.
There’s no way on earth Yo Jimbo has an AMEX black card.
@Jacques Doucheteau
I will have to read that again when I am sober. But I think you will or have won the thread today for the craziest butt rant.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his bowel movements, it was the way his question-mark shits were always able to curl up and poke him in the buttcheek.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his vestigial twin, it was the way his second cocck was always able to reach his own ass.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his fetish for underage asian hotts, it was the way his lawyers were always able to keep him from doing jail time.
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Meh…
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his deceased friend, Bernie, it was the way his swole rigor-mortis cockk was always available to satisfy them again and again.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his sleeved bell head, it was the way his Mangina was always able to receive donkey cock while docking.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his LAUGH, it was the way his STEROID VOICE was always able to SOUND LIKE HELLO KITTY.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his guided tour of “Disney after Dark”, it was the way his mangled hand was always able to secure a crop of three finger discounted colorful hats from the gift shop.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his urethra, it was the way his pee was always able to stream out sideways.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his asshole eel farm, it was the way his warm colon was always able to provide a productive breeding nest.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his rectal zone, it was the way his quivering inverted pinksock was always able to wipe itself clean with a few naked hip swivels.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his ass belch odor, it was the way his fluttering anus was always able to emit mudhorn blasts at a perfect bassoon-like flat E pitch.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his bag of dicks, it was the way his mixture of cockk and smashed assholes was always able to stay evenly mixed, unlike M&M’s and Popcorn.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his rotary cockk, it was the way his outer dick meat was always able to accommodate the counter-clockwise threading commonly found in Asian women’s snug warm anuses.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his enunciation, it was the way his Scottish brogue was always able to accentuate the word “titty”. Say it with him now: “TITTAY..ARRRR…TIIITTTAYYYY…YARRRR…”.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his horse, it was the way his secret man-crush Darksock was always able to pee in it
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his sex slave Jesse, it was the way his skin was always able to withstand repeated whippings.
@ Jacques Doucheteau.
I am in awe of your last post. Clappity clap clap clap.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his hands, it was the way his fingers was always able to bend at incredibly disgusting angles.
No seriously, what’s up with this dudes fingers?
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his fresh sheets, it was the way his octopus was always able to torture.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing japanese girls loved most about his SAMURAI SWORD, it was the way his ANIME whipped it around like SAMURAI SCROTE WITH A GUITAR.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls loved most about his WANDERING MINSTREL,
it was the way his MIKADO was always able to PLEASE THE THREE LITLE GIRLS FROM SCHOOL.
@ Srotum Pole–
You’re welcome. And damn, that’s gonna be a tough act to follow.
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Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his Steel Rod collection, it was the way his Sounding Technique was always able to Clear out the VIP section quickly.
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NSFW (That’s “Not Safe For Weaklings”)
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls loved most about his GIANT PENIS, it was the way his LIVE ENTRY IN THE KARAMARA MATSURI FESTIVAL was always able to COME AT A MOMENT’S NOTICE.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his gay flair, it was the way his homosexuality was always able to keep them safe from other guys in the club, while trusting him not to make any moves. Good o’l Jimbo, He’s almost like one the girls… almost.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his genitals, it was the way his foreskin was always able to look like a tiny vagina..
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Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his WEIGHT LIFTING GLOVES, it was the way his FINGER was always able to SHRED VAGINA
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his WINGMAN, it was the way his FACE was always able to REMAIN INSCROTABLE.
–VS
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his doucheness, it was the way his handgesture was always able to capture the mood.
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his dink, it was the way his dink was always able to shrink.