Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

7:18 am May, 4 Mr. White said...

When shown a picture of “his biggest fan,” Henry Rollins literally vomited with rage.

7:25 am May, 4 JT said...

looks like obama with bad ink!

7:30 am May, 4 Mr. White said...

The tat just below his sternum wraps all the way around his torso, and it says “CARCINOGEN.”

–

I know because I got ass cancer just looking at him.

7:46 am May, 4 Andy Capp said...

What we have here is a failure to “stealth douche”.

Dude could wear a dress shirt (or, more to the point, a suit in court), and could pull it off IF NOT FOR THE TATTS SCRIBBLED ALL OVER HIS HANDS!!!

He fails the “Brian Setzer rule” of tatts; Never have a tattoo were a judge can see it. Hope he gets his next sentence doubled as a result…

8:00 am May, 4 Deltus said...

It doesn’t rhyme, but it has assonance. Speaking of ass, I think I like hers a lot. What the hell is a nice-assed hott like her doing with a tatted-up douchetard like him?

Here’s a hint, douchetard: don’t get tatts that make it look like the skin around the tatt is infected. It brings the vileness of the tatt from stupid (in your case) to nauseating.

8:05 am May, 4 boatbutter said...

How thoughtful of him to tattoo the directions for the hobos who slob his knob…..”GARGLE”

8:09 am May, 4 Mr. White said...

@andy capp

The hand tatts have the added bonus of looking like bulging, diseased veins. They say, “I’m not part of your straight society, man! Also, I may have leprosy.”

8:10 am May, 4 Mr. White said...

His tattoo explains the artistic inspiration for the rest of his tats: CAR CRASH.

8:11 am May, 4 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

If I ever have a daughter and she brings home a turd like this I WILL end up on death row.

8:21 am May, 4 mr.reeve said...

Tatum O’neal hasn’t looked this good since the late 70’s. What the hell is she doing with an ass gasket like that? Maybe it has something to do with what’s in the cup. Mr. Buttermaker would be upset with you.

8:38 am May, 4 Crucial Head said...

Droopy and Surfer Kelly in their younger, more innocent high school years.

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And by ‘younger’ and ‘more innocent’, I mean three less scabies and pre-viral herpes outbreak.

9:06 am May, 4 Mr. Biggs said...

UGH. This douchebag deserves neither poetry or rhyme. Just a pre-puke gurgle.

9:08 am May, 4 Mr. Biggs said...

Sue’s lovely terry-cloth 70s boy shorts, however, deserve poetry.

And a wee bit of chardonnay accidentally spilled on them before I awkwardly attempt to dab it off with a bit too much drunken fondling for polite company.

And she will give me that coy disapproving look that will give my pants the happy dance.

9:15 am May, 4 Mr. Biggs said...

FYI this s*stain better make weekly.

9:17 am May, 4 Deltus said...

She looks a little like Kate Ground. And that sets my penis at rigid attention.

9:18 am May, 4 massengill said...

I believe the belly tattoo says “Carol.” The one at the top of his shoulder is clearly the Punisher’s skull logo and it appears he has Cthulhu on the back of his hand.

I’ve only got one other thing to say:

Notta and fuccen hotta.

Thank you all, good day.

9:42 am May, 4 DarkSock said...

Ahhh yes; Breakfast At Tiffany’s.

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Tiffany’s rented trailer. And by Breakfast I mean Shake n’ Bake Meth.

10:23 am May, 4 Bagnonymous said...

“Douche” does not rhyme with “Sue”, but “poo” does. And by the transitive property of scrote: Douche = poo, which rhymes with Sue.

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So, we’re good…

11:09 am May, 4 Jacques Doucheteau said...

The little things you have to poo

When you say “Wooo wooo!” – Douche on!

11:20 am May, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

Meh, I give him a notta. I refuse to accept the notion that tattoos=autodouche. Winston Churchill, Sean Connery and the Yakuza are my evidence. However, I will agree that too many people choose poorly in their tattoos, and I’m not a fan of the neck and hand tattoo thing. For the reason quoted above by Brian Setzer, for one. Might I also mention that I have met him and he is possibly the nicest, most unassuming, warm human being I have ever met, especially considering he’s famous. And covered in tattoos at that, add him to my evidence above. But I digress. I do like being able to be “undercover” from time to time and I don’t have so much to prove that I have to have tattoos that are visible 100% of the time. So, while I don’t think people with hand and neck tattoos are douchebags or jackasses, I just don’t think they’ve made a terribly wise decision, that’s all.

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On top of that, he’s kind of nerdy, which I like, and he’s not making stupid faces, hand gestures, or wearing any stupid jewelry, and he even has a fairly conservative haircut, especially considering he’s got tattoos on his hands. He may actually be a tattoo artist–The menfolk in the industry tend not to be too peacocky. We’re tired and cranky and can’t be arsed with spiking up a mohawk before work every day, the older I get and the longer I work, the less I’ve been doing with myself before work.

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She’s not a knockout, but very cute in a wholesome, unspoiled, natural kind of way. Me likey. I issue a notta, and she is ordered to the Playroom for some giggly kissing and cuddling while we have watercress sandwiches and tea.

11:31 am May, 4 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Ok- overly tattooed, freakish guy and a non-hot.

Did I log on to the wrong site?

1:44 pm May, 4 Douche Scroets Scrociety said...

Some like to go shirtless, some like a popped collar

But what we got here? It’s your boy Buddy Holla

A fine example of prime trailer trash

Why couldn’t he die in a fiery plane crash?

3:16 pm May, 4 DarkSock said...

I’m just sorry I didn’t horde my “Lindsay Lo-Rent” joke for this girl.

8:47 pm May, 4 Whoop-di-douche said...

This nerd tatted his own doodles for a shop project in wood-burning. Pretty nice too, using his nips as moob punctuation.

She’s with the school paper doing an after-hours interview. No other logical explanation.

9:33 pm May, 4 TrixieBlack said...

Wait up, is this guy really a douche? My beverage of choice did not come spraying out of my mouth in disgust at the very site of him. And that looks like a genuine, if not pathetic, smile on his poorly thought out tattooed self. I’m just sayin’

9:46 pm May, 4 Mr. Biggs said...

Massengil, Medusa, I appreciate your insights, but I do beg to differ. My friend has a jacket with the Punisher logo hand-drawn on the back, and he’s nothing but class, if a bit eccentric. And my friends and I constantly make cthulu jokes.

But we must delineate that fine line between cultural cutting edge and brainless douchey display. To quote DB1: “douches display the signifiers determined by a society to mark one’s body as containing valuable cultural capital.”

To take all the “cultural capital” icons of cthulus and punisher and to scribble them willy-nilly all over one’s body because it’s “the cool thing to do” is the classic definition of a douchebag. A fresh and hip douchebag, a douchebag who will mock future douchebags who follow his lead, but still a douchebag. He is the White Stripes of douchebaggery.

I have spoken. It is done. No bathe Peggy Sue. And bring her to me.

12:26 am May, 5 G said...

Jed the Creepy Wankscrote’s older brother got jealous and felt the need to pose?

5:55 am May, 5 Steve L. said...

Carrie is the kinda hott that you should be waking up to at 6:00 AM in the morning.

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Buddy Holla is the scrote i will (likely) be voting for in the next weekly. that is, if he makes it there.

9:30 am May, 5 Mr. Biggs said...

I’d like to come back to this guy. First of all, $20 says those aren’t even prescription glasses. Just like with all other douche trends, it’s one more cultural capital signifier. Now that “nerdy” is “cool”, as evidenced by our secretary’s hello kitty “I heart nerds” wallet, this douche is out to reap the benefits in poon.

But I’ll be damned if I went through all those girlless pubescent years playing commodore and nintendo games, reading my friends’ D&D manuals, and acing calculus exams to see this shitstain reap the unearned benefits.

Peggy Sue belongs to me dammit. I will read and analyze shakespeare for her all night as I fall asleep on her fruitful loins.

10:04 am May, 5 MM said...

She reminds me of Tiffany, the teenage pop oddity who did shows at shopping malls for little girls in the 80’s.

8:00 pm May, 5 Bag That Ass Up said...

His stomach says “GARGLE”. Douche.