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Tuesday, May 11, 2010
HCwDB in the New York Times: “Signs of Neanderthals Mating With Humans”
Speaking of Pumpito, The New York Times Science Section begins the long, arduous process of explaining the biology of Hottie/Douchey cohabit:
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Signs of Neanderthals Mating With Humans
By NICHOLAS WADE
Published: May 6, 2010
Neanderthals mated with some modern humans after all and left their imprint in the human genome, a team of biologists has reported in the first detailed analysis of the Neanderthal genetic sequence.
The biologists, led by Svante Paabo of the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany, have been slowly reconstructing the genome of Neanderthals, the stocky hunters that dominated Europe until 30,000 years ago, by extracting the fragments of DNA that still exist in their fossil bones. Just last year, when the biologists first announced that they had decoded the Neanderthal genome, they reported no significant evidence of interbreeding.
Scientists say they have recovered 60 percent of the genome so far and hope to complete it. By comparing that genome with those of various present day humans, the team concluded that about 1 percent to 4 percent of the genome of non-Africans today is derived from Neanderthals. But the Neanderthal DNA does not seem to have played a great role in human evolution, they said.
Experts believe that the Neanderthal genome sequence will be of extraordinary importance in understanding human evolutionary history since the two species split some 600,000 years ago.
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Experts also believe the Neanderthal genome sequence will help explain douchebags like Smoot, pictured here.
Read the rest of the article here.
EDIT: And in related media news, the inane lawsuit filed against my book makes The Huffington Posts Most Frivolous Lawsuits of All Time.
HCwDB in the New York Times: "Signs of Neanderthals Mating With Humans"
Speaking of Pumpito, The New York Times Science Section begins the long, arduous process of explaining the biology of Hottie/Douchey cohabit:
——
Signs of Neanderthals Mating With Humans
By NICHOLAS WADE
Published: May 6, 2010
Neanderthals mated with some modern humans after all and left their imprint in the human genome, a team of biologists has reported in the first detailed analysis of the Neanderthal genetic sequence.
The biologists, led by Svante Paabo of the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany, have been slowly reconstructing the genome of Neanderthals, the stocky hunters that dominated Europe until 30,000 years ago, by extracting the fragments of DNA that still exist in their fossil bones. Just last year, when the biologists first announced that they had decoded the Neanderthal genome, they reported no significant evidence of interbreeding.
Scientists say they have recovered 60 percent of the genome so far and hope to complete it. By comparing that genome with those of various present day humans, the team concluded that about 1 percent to 4 percent of the genome of non-Africans today is derived from Neanderthals. But the Neanderthal DNA does not seem to have played a great role in human evolution, they said.
Experts believe that the Neanderthal genome sequence will be of extraordinary importance in understanding human evolutionary history since the two species split some 600,000 years ago.
———
Experts also believe the Neanderthal genome sequence will help explain douchebags like Smoot, pictured here.
Read the rest of the article here.
EDIT: And in related media news, the inane lawsuit filed against my book makes The Huffington Posts Most Frivolous Lawsuits of All Time.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010Night Oranger
Sister Christian
Oh the time has come
And you know that you’re the only one
To say he’s not a douche.
Where you going
What you looking for
You know those ‘bags
Don’t want to tan no more with you
It’s true
You’re scrotering!
What’s your price to flirt
In finding a pud that wears a shirt
You’ll be douchebagged tonight,… because that guy’s a creepy orange shirtless douche in a puka shell necklace…
Drum solo.
Monday, May 10, 2010HCwDB Self Portrait in a Dirty Bathroom Mirror #277
It’s official. Camera phone + bathroom mirror = HCwDB Self Portrait Time.
But wait, there’s more! Get ready!
Pop Quiz:
Shane’s tattoo is:
1. Rock penis
2. Goiter swole
3. A map of Kurdistan
4. A bruise from where the 7-11 Security Guard threw him on his ass when he tried to shoplift some corn nuts.
Monday, May 10, 2010Yo Jimbo!
You’re a douche!
Mitsuko and Miyuki giggle coquettishly and avert their eyes.
Monday, May 10, 2010Hulk Brogan
Hulk Brogan wanted to take a moment from his Endless Summer of Boatbaggery to bring Nadia and Ubiquitous Red Cup by to vote in the HCwDB of the Week.
Have you voted yet?
Monday, May 10, 2010HCwDB of the Week
An interesting shmorgasboard of smoked ‘bag on the menu for this week, along with three quality hott pockets. But whom shall pass and whom shall be mock?
Here’s your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Groin Shave Reveal Greg and Kimberly
Bringing beboobsification to the table in large twin helpings of flesh manifest, GSRG and Kim are real-world HCwDB toxicity. Not megabag. But the kind you went to summer camp with and watched make out during s’mores time and before lights out with the hottest girl from Senior Bunk.
But is Greg truly douchey enough to hold up his side of the boobosity?
Shirtless, blingy, with groin reveal and hat tilt are all douchey traits.
But Greg’s non-threatening. Harmless. Just a wanksta pud. Hardly an uberdouche. Can we call him a Weekly winner?
We can if we consider Kimberly.
Boobsy boobsouous sonorous fondle fondle.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Buddy Holla and Peggy
Buddy Holla brings a strange mix of tattfreak and nerd to the Weekly.
Peggy Sue brings potential librarian zombie spank gameplay to the H.C. side of the ledger.
And no, I have no idea what a “librarian zombie spank” would consist of. But I know it’d be naughty. And involve radishes.
A Buddy Holla and Peggy vote for HCwDB would mark a continuation of the 2010 veering of spectacle into the age of what we call the “Carny ‘Bag.”
A “geek” in both senses of the term.
And Peggy Sure is naughty laundry girl. Her shirt smells of Febreze and that top shelf premium Woolite detergent.
Like a Seals and Croft summer breeze, she makes you feel fine. Rolling through the canyons of your something something.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Lint Diesel
Curves + Drunkeness plus Orange Groin Shave Reveal = Weekly Finalist. But enough to emerge as Weekly winner (loser)?
While Jon Favreau pimps Iron Man 2 in the retro Batman t-shirt, Lint Diesel busts his game. He is so not money and he does not even know it. He’s like the douche in the rated R movie.
But I am not here to make gratuitous Swingers references.
No, not even in the Age of Enlightenment.
I am here to give you three Weekly HCwDBs to vote for.
Now you must make your choice. Which of these three deserves a slot in the HCwDB of the Month?
(Dis)honorable mention to Fruffy Pants, and the perfection of gnaw that is Party Girl Helene, who both just missed the cut.
And, of course, we all hailed the ubersquat that is Pumpito. Who even without Hot Chick deserves HCwDB appreciation for filling both roles with his giant man boobs.
If you haven’t created a profile yet, move it beyoch, and then vote for your candidate in the threads. Or you can still vote anonymously if you must
Lots of votes makes your humble narrator happy.
Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.
Sunday, May 9, 2010The Turkish Justin Bieber Loves his Radishes
After watching this, a bunch of Armenians proactively killed themselves.
What?
Too soon?
Saturday, May 8, 2010Reader Mail: Will’s “Frat Warrior” Theory
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DB1,
I am a veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan. After getting out of the Army, I moved to a college town and have observed an increased amount of douchebaggery since having left my home to enlist in the military. I kept thinking to myself, “What are they doing? What the hell are they thinking?”
After some contemplation I devised a hypothesis based on frat bags attempting to copy warrior cultures of past and present. See what you think…
Sincerely,
Will (Vuil)
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Good work, Will. You are correct to focus on how tribal rites of passage for young men reemerge in the proving grounds of the frat age.
Head on over to Facebook to check out the rest of Will’s important academic critique.
Saturday, May 8, 2010Reader Mail: Will's "Frat Warrior" Theory
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DB1,
I am a veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan. After getting out of the Army, I moved to a college town and have observed an increased amount of douchebaggery since having left my home to enlist in the military. I kept thinking to myself, “What are they doing? What the hell are they thinking?”
After some contemplation I devised a hypothesis based on frat bags attempting to copy warrior cultures of past and present. See what you think…
Sincerely,
Will (Vuil)
—-
Good work, Will. You are correct to focus on how tribal rites of passage for young men reemerge in the proving grounds of the frat age.
Head on over to Facebook to check out the rest of Will’s important academic critique.
