Friday Thoughts and Links
Today I ponder whether, in this, our second year of economic recession, the display of the uber-douchey choadscrote has taken on a desperate, out of time, affect within his spectacle.
When I began HCwDB in 2006, garish spectacle and narcissism by overspending preening tools chasing the ladies was part of a desperate end-of-days orgy of consumption that was prevalent in every corner of our society. But even worse, it was humorless, desperate and the result of the schizophrenia of mass media overstimulation.
Has our culture shifted? Has the shared illusion, the indulgences of our culture of selfishness and consumption in the 00s finally been broken by the harsh realities of check-out time and a bill from the concierge?
I’m not sure. But the douches are still everywhere I look. And the hotties have still not learned to make wiser humpty hump choice. So we carry onward until dawn.
With some tasty Hostess Apple Pies for your hungry narrator. And a sip or three of the Night Train. In an Ubiquitous Red Cup, natch.
Here’s your links:
An example of ‘bag culture today, an eagle-eyed reader snags a Kohl’s Ad featuring Ab Reveal.
If you missed the embedded link above, here it is again, as it must be seen to be believed, and then mocked: HCwDB legendary pud and late night parking lot frolicker, Bobby Batz finally finds a few hot chicks and creates Douchepocalypse: The Movie. (Beware “Crazy Glowstick Hottie.” For her maintenance is high.)
Philips NorelCo targets the growing Groin Shave Reveal market.
Confused language scholars debate the meaning of “I peed in a horse once.”
HCwDB of the Week non-winner The Star Blazer wears zebra pants.
Old Bag, look at your life… your head’s a lot like Skeletor…
Reason to believe in Vishnu and Ganesh #541: Librarian Hotts.
Jennifer Love Hewitt embraces the Ass Pear.
Best show on Broadway right now: Next to Normal. See it. (on a related note: American Idiot was ass)
Some days I enjoy tasty Hostess Twinkies for breakfast. Other days, a microwaved Pop Tart. And other days, I simply gaze into the existential abyss.
And what stares back at me?
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And Jesus wept salty fuccen tears for all that ass pear he never got to fondle. Go forth. Go forth and spread the gospel of HCwDB. Because that’s what your great grandparents at Ellis Island envisioned when their name was misspelled by a drunk and surly Irishman with a badge.
**clicks on**
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I Love Heart and Cement Pear
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**clicks off**
Cement Pear made my week. And by week, I mean my snake-like monument to manhood.
Heart and Cement Pear, both, are here to remind heterosexual men that, dammit, it feels *good* to get an erection that just won’t go down!
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re: the Jennifer Love Hewitt thing, I don’t understand why she would be self-conscious about her body. It’s as close to perfection as anyone in Hollywood.
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Also, although not the Philips-Norelco Deforester 2000, I do have my wife shave my back so I’m not a freakin’ sasquatch.
I’m kinda partial to Heart Pear, myownself, but Cement Pear can hop my sausage any time she feels like too.
Another thing to remember: ganj and Aqua Velva are not to great tastes that go great together.
My girlfriend prefers my back hairy, and I prefer to keep her happy so’s she keeps up with the beejes.
The phrase every parent fears hearing from their young daughters:
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“Mommy, what does ‘I peed in a horse once’ mean?”
i love cement pear’s arse. it’s big and round, tanned & umm, something that rhymes with round. anyway, it’s all these things in a good way.
but hang on, what’s with Skeletor? that thing is really creepy.
changing the subject: due to my early rising or late insomnia, i’ve just baked the Australian delicacy, rock cakes. they turned out OK. they’re more rock than cake though.
enjoy your weekend, all.
pheeeww! Lordy, that cement pear!
The best thing about “I still know what you did last summer” was Jennifer Love Hewitt running through the jungle in a low cut white shirt as the rain came pouring down. Also technically should have been called “I know what you did 2 summers ago.” Also fuck Freddie Prinze Jr…you sir are no Jack Bauer. Speaking of which, I’d let Jack Bauer (what a segue!) interrogate me with a pair of pliers, a blowtorch, and Freddie Prinze Jr’s craptastic film “Summer Catch” (full circle!) on a continuous loop just to be allowed near heart and cement pear.
Ok, I give up. Sharkbag is the the biggest douche of the week. All the same, PLEASE NO MORE FUCKIN SHARKBAG!
Goodness gracious sweet precious balls of fire do I loves me some o’ dat Librarian Hott.
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Merciful father who art in heaven forgive me for I have sinned… in my pants. I would thoroughly enjoy jumping out of my unmarked van and flashing my manhood from beneath my trenchcoat when she least expected it. Lawsamercy, yes I would.
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With great respect,
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Lawrence T. Williamson, CPA
Prudential Reality
Temecula Branch
Station B-3
Can we turn the fuccen page on MinnowBag? Fucck, I’m sick of this guy. Next thing I want to see about him is either an obituary or mug/shot arrest record.
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J-Love is a delicious nutricious little muffin, but that TV show of hers is as annoying as all that trite crap about vampires that seem to pop in every other movie theater or on every channel at some point in the prime time schedule.
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Vampires
…. shut the fuccen fucck up. They are no longer entertaining. They have been over exposed and amped up to the point that tweens believe they exist much like my generation believed the words “Please” and Thank you ” exist. Fuck off !
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J Love needs to show nip’ and puss’ soon. Preferably in Penthouse as opposed to Playboy so we get a much more clinical view of the goings on
“And Jesus wept salty fuccen tears for all that ass pear he never got to fondle.”
As do some of His married followers……
my only comment for this week is on DJ Bello’s video: while certainly it is nice to just have good-looking women around dancing and such (as it naturally seems to lead to more good looking women feeling comfortable being around) as I’m getting older Im starting to feel like if they got to see my tongue on the floor over them and but i got nothing back for building their ego than a show (as in, cough, I need skin to feel anything “counts”) then it was a colossal waste of time and negligibly better than blowing my hard-earned $.
My apologies if this makes me the douche here, but i’m not so fond of showing my cards to some very early 20-something bleethy tart, building her ego, and watching her turn around and cross-objectify me by not giving a damn that I was willing to play ball to begin with. I’ll keep my dignity, thanks.
AoD
Concrete pear has left me speechless. Good day……………………..
Bobby B has never been a waiter while going to grad school. These people are all on meth. Does anyone remember laughter?
Mainstream airbrushed reveal is telling me to skateboard into the lake after a very unhealthy meal. The end is near.
and when I say skin, I mean actual touch, and when I say actual touch, i mean P&V
I Heart Pear.
The Pears and librarian were very nice and might get the Mrs. Reverend a midnighter after her nooner. But holy Edythe Bunker’s ghost why do you ruin our weekends DB1? Perhaps the more perplexing issue is why do we keep coming back here. I am taking my Norelco and losing it on my after supper suicide ride. Dark Sock is insane in a good way. I have Zebra pants. And J-lov is great if if wasn’t for her bad acting in The Boob Whisperer.
Good night and good luck you Fucckers. I may write a treatise on why we attend this place in our spare time this weekend.
@ Mr Reeve
You’ve been a good little hunter….
Here’s more of Concrete Pear
She has nice abs too
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Let’s see if those links work
Try again
Woweewowowow. Such many tons of very much hot girls today right now. Jennifer Lopez Huey is super fantastic in very good ways, you know right! Her behind ass and such melodious round breasts make my still beating heart palpitate with numerous erections sometimes. The deeply proud and enunciated love I have for this website page is exacerbated only by ultimate savagely wanting happy times for DB1. May he as king and conqueror always reign lord of all supreme majestic powers. Okay. Thank you again today and always forever, the end.
My thesis is done as follows:
This site is hilarious and we all hate the younger generation of fish lipped, tatted, permanently posing goofs and whores.
Mother fucking Darksock. That shit cracked me up.
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Bravo.
‘Preciate another fine week of work Boss. The simultaneous revulsion to the douches and attraction to the hotts was pulling me in more directions than the current immigration conundrum that has stricken this country. My father stole his way across the border illegally before eventually gaining citizenship and my mother immigrated legally. Guess that would make my father a douche who later reformed and my mom a hott. Errrr… gross.
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*Alcohol, get thee behind me… wrong thoughts, wrong fuccen Friday thoughts…*
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Ah, who am I kidding, my will power ain’t that strong. I now plan to make like a BP Chairman and drink myself silly while screwing over the people.
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And by “the people,” I of course mean my lap cannon.
I just realized that my last comment could be taken REALLY fuccen wrong.
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Oh well.
Lap Cannon.
Yogurt Launcher.
Groin Taffy.
Barfing Baldy.
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Peenor.
Bald Headed Yogurt Slinger
Baloney Pony
Coughing Crotch Hammer
Beef Bayonet
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Pee Pee Piston.
@Vin Douchal
Thank you sir. My Friday is more complete and in 40 minutes I am off to purchase this weekends beer at the local liquor store. Pear and beer. That’s really all I need.
Pork Piston
Poontang TopKill
Whisker Flail
ManCrank
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Beef Tampon
Zipper Ripper
Lugubrious Love Lance
Bulbous Boxing Bone Barometer
Slut Hose
Gonad Gondolier
Ball Bearing Device
Turgid Thong Torpedo
Precious Purple Penentrator
Suckable Slit Slicer
Porch Pussy Projectlie
Reverends’s Rump Rocket
Ollie’s Oyster Orifice
Who are these guys? It’s just like this website but called Douche Shore.
Turgid tapioca teeter totter.
Custard’s Last Stand
Pumpito’s Pressure Pump
I’m not affiliated with “Douche Shore,” I have no idea how or why they’re running my posts. I may have emailed permission to them awhile back to use a post or two, so long as they gave me credit and a link, and they may have taken that to the extreme. So it goes in the wacky world of the Simulacrum.
Sharkheads Semen Sewer
Mrs. Kroegers Money Mart
@Db1 4:22pm,
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Best. Penis. Name. Ever.
Good work to all this week. A special tip of the cap to Mr. Darksock for single-handedly causing general confusion in the internets.
I peed in a horseshoe pit once.
Atomic Sausage
Fine pair of pears ya got there.
After looking into the face of the devil a few posts back, I beg Dark Sock to change his avatar to this. Thanks.
Brute Champagne
Sperm Whale
Dr. D’s Deep Red Root Injection
Are the girls dancing in the Bello video strippers? I didn’t think it was kosher to record strippers.
The Emulsifier
Concrete pear…ai yi yi yi!
Er, uh CEMENT pear, solly.
Cement pear.
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Question: What wil JVCD be staring at and fwapping to all weekend?
^^^It’s JCVD stupid!!!
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lol….see it made me even spell my own damn name wrong!
Asbestos Flaygon of Fury.
Wicked Wand of Wankeration.
Fleshy Flaygon of Asbestos Aspurtion.
Throbbing Gristle.
The Rod of Erection.
Meat Beat Manifesto.
Ok. This is getting ridiculous. I am posting cockk comments from my phone while driving to a party. Salty fuccen tears of depraved joy…
Spurting Rabbi’s Badger
.Crucial I will pick it up while waiting for a call from a chick while the chicks are sleeping.
Boston Butt Burger.
Grimsby Grilled Groin
Phiadelphia Penile Surprise
Toronto Blue Balls
Mother’s Mouth Stuffer. A bit sick but I am wasted/
Cement Pear makes up for a week long assault on my retinae.
HOT PEARS SANS DOUCHBAGS! HPSD
Rabbi’s Ravaging Razor
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Spurt Factory.
2001: A Cocck Odyssey
That was the Reverend Mrs. Chad Kroegers idea regarding a daughter of mine.
As a result of DNA testing…………………..Reverend…………………………..
you……………… are the father.
Negress is running off the stage and………………what the fuck you ruined my life Maury.
I am drunk and will never reference past futuristic movies or Maury again.
However, I had a crazy idea about starting a film with 14 girls shitting in a bowl and banging me at the same time. It would be called “Bowl 14 Revenge of The Lesbos featuring 13 cocckd Chad.”
Testing out the pic…weeee ass pear!
Horse Box
that’s not a sinkhole… rather Plinky’s moms anus
trouser trunk of volcanic man resin
btw can we retire Shartbag to the same pasture as Spunkhaus…. then mow it with a nitro/turbo wheat thresher… please Boss?
Porch Beef Rollup
I visited Douche Shore…loins girded for battle against anyone there calling themselves “LightSock”, “Non-Essential Head” and so forth, but only found some weird mirror site acting as this site’s doppelgänger…
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DB1 has a stålkęr now; he may be in åśś péríł….
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In an entirely unrelated note, I’d like wriggle my index finger into a sleeping Jody Foster’s taut starfish and then send the video discretely to John Hinkley just to send him into a parole-ruining rage. Than I’d ‘bate a little. Because Jody’s got a cute bum.
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Love is a wife that shares her Ambienn.
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Jesus, i almost get the feeling sharkbag wants the dubious esteem of having his name etched in the hall of scrote. He doesn’t even make me laugh the way a proper champion bag should, he’s just a dickweed. Someone put Drano in his Ghey Goose and let us be done with him.
Iron Sausage
Lol thanks to this pick he’s now a great white sharkbag, or Carcharodouche Carcharias.
First of all, I love the latest librarian hott and Heart and Cement Pear.
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And I can’t help butt—–errrrr, but think the Boss’ syntax was intentional:
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Confused language scholars debate the meaning of “I peed in a horse once.”
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HCwDB of the Week non-winner The Star Blazer wears zebra pants.
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Jennifer Love Hewitt ass pear…..sort of…..
Am drunk. need Darsoocks Ambiienn quick. Frgot most important name fr cockkk:
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“Honey it’s in!?”
Stiff Little Finger.
Nob of Nutrition.
Paste Puking Pelvic Pommelhorse.
The Earth Quakes When I Hip Shake.
The Coiled Crotch Cassanova.
The Burgeoning Brief Boxing Bone.
Curtis The Greeter At Wal-Mart.
^^aaeeuupps… wrong thread.
Thomas the Chode Chode Train.
Pulsing Palm Toggle.
Sprung Monkey.
Pulsing Plume of Putz Paste.
… almost home…
Bulging Broomstick of Bratwurstingham.
The Electrified Eel.
The Gravy Gooser.
The Lämp of Life.
Pile Driving Pocket Piccolo.
The Salami Sceptre of Spooge.
St. Peter of Schlongsworth.
The Tripod of Man.
Weiner.
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Wee wee…
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Cock…
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Cockk?
thor’s hammer
dispenser of justice
the reason why i have to pay child support to 1,000 women
Rumpled Stilt Skin
ok, i’m game. is “the shark” some sort of cruise ship bartender like isaac from the love boat, but he actually gets to sleep with everyone’s drunk ass wife like the blonde giving the “i’m acting so crazy right now” look to the photographer? if so, i really wish he would drink himself into death. a nice dark sleep of death. forever.
fist piston
bukkaki malarkey
turgid turd staff
Tower of Babel
supersoaker
just for men
ballpark franks
charleston chew
big red
chunky
blow pop
hanzo the razor: sword of justice
Heat-Seeking Moisture Missile
Winky the Wonder Worm
Ruby-Headed Love Dart
Captain Lap Gravy
Manaconda
Bobby Batz
Mighty Mighty Bossbones
I didn’t think those guys were affiliated with the site at all. A mirror site. Nice.
Tommy The Trouser Trout
Throbbing Meat Love Stick
the weathered vein
the tarry plow
Clam Hammer
Jizm Tin
Pee-‘n’-poke-nis
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Also…
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Heart Pear gives me a heart on.
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[Ba dum pshh]
Cum Conduit
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My throbbing head (no, not that one) says a dose of Fur of the CanineTM is the proper prescription, to be administered stat.
Glad Glans
My Little Bony
flesh flavored lovesickle
spade shaped mound digger
skin obelisk
blood filled meat baton
meat curtain masher
diaphram diving rod
^divining
cervical depth meter
cooter rooter
The Broadsword to be Merrily Sheathed
I must have librarian hottie.
I also embrace JLH’s ass pear. And I shall dispatch of Jamie Kennedy as he is interfering.
Boom Boom Mushroom
Poon Hammer
squirrel bait
tonsil scratcher
Paul Lynde Lollipop
Turgid TopKill
Whisker Flail
Shame Prong
Spit Devil
Gonadular Gully-Bobber
Horse Wrench
Mule Stretcher
HMS Pussy Splitter
Jawbreaker J. Poonraker
Vaginal Sledge
Buttering Ram
Meat Microphone
Where have all the cowboys gone? Gone to douchebags, every one.
the goose runs with HIM… he looks like he should be on the six flags commercials with the elmer fudd looking dancing guy and the midget
I’m not simply expounding on every skyscraping, stacked, stripy heels here but Hogan . I hope for them all. I will be totally in love with the fabulous sporty shoes like Hogan scarpe uomo. The house of Hogan uomo is renowned for its casual-chic sneaker. In case you be sure to choose the best quality shoes in town, you ought to try hogan donna and give it a try.