Friday Thoughts and Links
I contemplate the Chinese letter ab tatt on this friday, and wonder whether the giggle hotties really know that it stands for “Beef with Broccoli.” Which, of course, is what Vinny named his weenus.
Yeah, I just used the word “weenus” in a post. Because “Cockmonstrous” is currently being taken over at Perez Hilton. And we blogs gotta ration the terms.
Ahhh… Friday.
Season #3 of my show is official, and my new book proposal is about to go out. Times are good for the age of douche mocking.
However, your humble narrator has had an especially poor diet this week consisting of cookies, alcohol, Hot Pockets, alcohol, tasty Hostess Sno-balls, alcohol, and, for nutrition reasons, chicken pot pies. Health food is for suckas.
Here’s your links:
First up: The douchiest shirt in the world. Price: $1098.00.
The Jizz Singer. Still out there. Still taking iPhone bathroom self portraits.
And don’t forget to follow The Jizz Singer on Twitter for highly stimulating conversation. Doug, he so fresh.
Narcissistic preening suckwad, the uberdouchey John Mayer, is still proving he’s a douchestain.
File under “Captain Obvious:” The Jersey Shore is a Herpes Nest. And to think, I gave the world “Snooki.” I may never work off that karmic debt.
David Mamet’s Lost Masterpieces of Pornography is strange, amusing and bizarre in all the right ways. It almost makes Funny or Die seem worthwhile. Almost.
Et tu, People of Walmart? Not even a link to me for borrowing the title? The internet is a silly place.
Ben Roethlisberger overtakes Jeff Reed as biggest douchebag in the NFL.
Speaking of Jizz Singers, there are many things one should witness in a life well lived. At the top of the list: Neil Diamond in blackface.
As to Laurence Olivier, I refuse to consider anyone in the conversation for greatest actor of all time who puts out performances as shite as this. Tom Cruise as Les Grossman performed in less offensive Jew-face. And DeNiro never needs to apologize for Rocky & Bullwinkle again.
Okay. You’re not here on this Friday afternoon for the DeNiro clip. You’re hear for your reward after another week of quality ‘bag mocking and hott lusting.
And here it is, in honor of the World Cup:
Or, as the Europeans call it… Footpear.
And for those who don’t like Soccer or care about the World Cup, head on over to the beach for…
Never say I did nuthin’ for ya. Now go out there, and if you’re a ‘bag hunter, save a hottie. If you’re a huntress, mock a douche when he hits on you.
For it is Friday. And the weekend is upon.
**clicks on**
.
.
.
I Love Ass Pear
.
.
.
**clicks off**
Not that I endorse John Mayer as a reformed non-douche, but at least he didn’t shave that louse-infested crab farm of his…
Thanks DB1, what a great Friday!
oh man you scored big with the ass pear this week DB1. Thanks a heap. Now I can go to sleep.
She Pears…She Scores! could use a littler fertilizer on her grass.
.
Know what I’m sayin?
.
And Ass Clown on the right should be proud. His Vietnamese sex boy just keeps getting taller with every passing year.
I just loves me som
Dear redheaded shorty-shorts bikini hott on the left in the kickin’ tourquoise heels,
.
Please accept this boner as a token of my love for you. I would like to take you home to meet my mother, where she will offer you backhanded insults in a cheerful tone. Then I will take you home, and wait on you hand-and-foot like the princess that you are, until you are eventually bored of me and begin verbally berating me for being the half-of-a-man that I am. I shall be left nothing but the memory of that one time you let me sniff your shower gel (and, well, that other time when approximately 2 ounces of your shower gel “mysteriously” vanished, and then I was “using the facilities” for the next twenty minutes). Those are the times I shall cherish the most. I promise to never hurt you, or to come within that 200-ft. court-ordered radius of your radiant beauty.
.
All my love,
Donovan Bagnonymous Mastersson, III
UnGodly Ass Pear – Thanks DB1
I have a weekend of twapping to look forward.
Nice.
I love ass pear. Because I am an ass pear man.
I love when you click on the Health Food link you the work out hottie from a month or two ago is on the right hand side. The title is “Fitness – Fast Death Workout”. You can really get a good arm and hand workout in when you watch. The soccer ass pear was delightful and since a good friend of mine is English and I am American we will honor the USA vs. England soccer game tomorrow with a trip to the pub for an all day drunk fest. Which is the only way I would watch a soccer match. Drunk.
I’m on ass pear overload, and me likey! It’s almost enough for me to give a flying crap about the World Cup. Almost.
Dear redheaded shorty-shorts bikini hott on the left in the kickin’ tourquoise heels,
.
Please ignore the feigned romanticism of my colleague, Mr. Bagnonymous. Instead, pay heed to my painstaking work of poetry:
.
.
Roses are Red
So is your hair
Violets are Blue
May I spank your derriere?
.
.
With my weenus?
.
Sincerely,
.
Crucial Aloysius Head Sr., Esq., Dr., AIA, LEEDap, CDT
Ye Gods! Lot’s of lovely ass pear. I want to play dress up and have a night on the town of giggling dancing with Soccer Pear.
That is all.
No, wait, John Mayer is a douche.
Dear redheaded shorty-shorts bikini hott on the left in the kickin’ tourquoise heels:
.
You are lookin’ good in that pair of shoes
Makes me almost want to quit drinkin’ booze
But I’ll never quit
I’ll just ogle your tit
Until I empty my weenus of all its glue.
.
.
Sincerely,
.
L.A. McCockkwielder, The Elder
Dear redheaded shorty-shorts bikini hott on the left in the kickin’ tourquoise heels:
.
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
You make me clown-box
Till he vomits glue.
.
.
Fart,
.
D. Sockk
This is for Vin Douchal or anyone else who is a fan of ass pear. Twitter has the lovely Suelyn Medeiros a Brazilian hottie who loves tweeting pictures of her ass. Her ass tweets alone make having a Twitter account meaningful. Enjoy!
Re: “Bro Fights!!”
.
I believe they are in fact making Manny The Invisible Goat air-tight right out in public.
I think that Chinese letter ab tatt translates to “Porch Beef with Broccoli Farts”
@ Mr Reeve
Yeah, I think I’ve sent her Ass Pear to Db1 before. Them’s some beefy , uh, … um,… , … , beef sections
Dear redheaded shorty-shorts bikini hott on the left in the kickin’ tourquoise heels:
.
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Perez Hilton swallows cockks
How ’bout you?
.
.
Rama Lama,
.
V. Douchal, A&R Talent Scout : CockMonstrous Records LLC
The Chinese lettering says “S C A T M U N C H E R!!!“.
.
Trust me, I speak Japanese.
That’s not Bro Fights,
That’s Bro Foreplay!!
I am pretty sure the Bro Fights lead to a little Tree and Branch action.
Dear redheaded shorty-shorts bikini hott on the left in the kickin’ tourquoise heels:
Please ignore the ramblings of these amateurish goofs. Mayhaps I could pique your attention with this sonnet, to the tune of Little Red Corvette.
.
Something I like to call Little Red Guidette
.
Guess I should have known by the way you flashed me your side boob that I wouldn’t last
You’re the kind of hotchick who believes in dating douchebags, takin’ it up the ass
Yeah you know you made me spurt, you got some asspear in your short shorts, something no one could refuse
And when it’s Saturday night I’ll cry and turn out the light when you say ‘Tato, ready for some abuse
And meekly I plead
.
Little Red Guidette,
Madam you stroke too fast
Little Red Guidette
You need a grip that’s gonna last
.
Guess I should have closed my eyes when you tied me to the rack and pushed me down on my knees
‘Cuz I felt a little ill, when I saw all the pictures of the horses in whose asses you’d peed
Believe it or not I started to worry, thinkin’ ‘bout my virgin crevasse
But it was Saturday night you put the cuffs on real tight and you said “Tato, watch me fill up this glass
Oh yeah
.
Little Red Guidette
Madam you’re make me scream
Little Red Guidette
I’ve got your STDs in my bloodstream
.
A booty like yours ought to be in impaled
Please say you’re over nineteen
I’m begging you baby give me the keys
And I’ll turn you upside down and fill you with protein
.
Little Red Guidette
Madam you’re much too fast
Little Red Guidette
DB1’ll add you to next year’s cast
.
Little Red Guidette
Really you got to slow down
Little Red Guidette
‘Cuz if you don’t you’re gonna turn my little tator tot into ground round
.
Into ground round
Unless you want to go down
You’re moving much to fast
Did you really think that I could last?
.
Girl you got a clam like I’ve never seen
And the sides, I say the sides are so smooth
Please tell me you’re not preteen
.
Madam you’re much too fast
Little Red Guidette
Please use a glove, yeah use a glove
That’ll help me last
You got to slow down
Little Red Guidette
.
Cuz if you don’t, cuz if you don’t
You gonna turn my cockk right into ground round
Right into ground round
Right into ground round
Little Red Guidette
.
.
With respect,
.
And latex gloves
.
Mr. Scrotato Head, Troubadour
I’m guessing Bro Fights ends with a lot of slap marks on each of their chests, a bunch of pouting, and an endless stream of “Bitch!” “Who you calling a bitch? I ain’t no Bitch! Sniff! You’re the bitch. Bitch!”
.
Followed by appletinis and an exchange of stylist phone numbers.
Dear redheaded shorty-shorts bikini hott on the left in the kickin’ turquoise heels,
.
Please accept this humble, yet honest vow that my great-grandfather Petr gave to his lovely Czech bride Olinka on their wedding day lo those many years ago, roughly translated into English for you:
.
.
I am to enoy sex at you
.
.
Thank you for letting me share,
.
Soilent (Soy) Bomb-Smythe, the Final
Mr. Reve. You are my best friend!! Suelyn Medeiros is god head!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it weren’t for steroids, how much less offensive would the douchebag trend be?
Also, soccer-themed ass-pear is waaaaaaay more interesting than the sport of soccer in any of its forms.
Mayerbag has perfected the new GSR groin shave Reverse
Dunespeary for HOP. Now!
Ever since that time back in the ’70s when I went into the sand hills at my local beach to smoke a number with a girl who wouldn’t let me go all the way because it was ‘her time of the month’, I’ve had a reoccurring fantasy for outdoor action at the beach. I mean, I’m not getting any younger, this shit needs to happen fairly soon.
Also, re. the Chinese character ab tatt:
being so close to Asia many Australians spend their vacations in places like Thailand, Vietnam, Laos etc. The local variant on the bag, the bogan, loves nothing more than scoring a cheap tatt in said places and with the combined back home bragging associated with such activities usually bores everyone within coo-ee before too long. Until, that is, they learn that their cheap tatt actually says something rather offensive; which is usually directed at them.
Is it just me, or does it seem like Chiahuahuas masturbate alot?
To “She Pears… She Scores!”:
.
I want…no NEED…to be your ball.
.
That’s all.
.
* sigh *
Lovin the world cup themed ass pear! hohohoh we should hav tht every week! i nominate all of them for hall of pear! and if ever there needed to be proof for Argentina being the motherland of all hots that was it!
Actually tht jus gave me an idea there sould be AN ASS PEAR WORLD CUP!! with all the ass pears of the world competing against each other in “Arss-football” matches where the aim of the game is just like soccer except instead of using feet hotts would use their arsses to control the ball yes now tht would be the largest sporting event in the world!
P.S the redheaded shorty-shorts bikini hott on the left in the kickin’ tourquoise heels isnt tht hot.
Also i will now be following Argentina in the world cup in honor of their hots,
Why are the bags and hotts always in bathing suits? It seems like even when it’s cold out they manage to be by a pool. Is the a ‘bag colony on the equator where the db1 gets his material? Just a thought…
What the F, dudes? I told all you A-holes to stay the f*ck away from me–you got it? Don’t make me go all Shannon Price on your asses.
.
.
.
What? Too soon?
@Bagnonymous 1:31
LOL
@Bagnonymous 1:31
OOOPS sorry i thought you were kidding
Dear redheaded shorty-shorts bikini hott on the left in the kickin’ tourquoise heels
Roses are red
Violets are blue
So are my balls
from looking at you
Let’s try some more HTML:
Heh ^ My favorite cartoon hot chick (although she’s only sixteen, shhh)
Can anyone post photos and videos or is it something I can do as a moderator? I mean, I don’t want to abuse my power… (yeah that was a Disney, sorry, but it was Vanessa Doofenshmirtz )
There are shirts that cost $1,000!? You HAVE to be a douchebag to spend that much money on a T-SHIRT.
.
Oh, and thanks for the soccer pear!
Vin must have kids. That is the only cool cartoon in decades. Am I too old to watch it, yes, yes Iam.
Agent P.?
Asian hott in the middle does not approve of such crappy transliteration.
actually, she might, since she looks pretty bleethy.
just learning that the creator of Jersey SHore is female made me throw up. not just a little. but a lot.
damn you capitalization mistakes.
Jizz Singer and Bro Fights would’ve been lethal if not for so many World Cup pears.
World Cup pears… drool drool slobber slobber…
I just got home from work about a half-hour ago.
.
That means I just arrived.
.
Which also means I just came…..in the door.
.
.
.
.
.
Of course, I just came in my pants after gazing ‘pon the lovely ass pear photos!
.
.
Thanks Boss! You’re a damn good man, and I can’t for book #2! It should contain a bonus ass pear chapter.
…..can’t wait***** for book #2! See, I’m all befuddled by booty!
Scrotato is my new GayMance.
.
*We’ll always have Perez (Hilton), Baron…call me…*
5 ass pear pics? I love you, DB1.
Assuming once again the role of John Mayer defender, because I love the way it catapults me into fame and popularity on this site . . .
Mayer lets someone take a picture off his untoned, hairy stomach next to some guy who obviously _does_ work out (and unfortunately is GSRd) — a picture clearly intended to be a joke on Mayer himself — and that makes him a narcissistic preening douchebag? What am I missing? Or is the self-mock also douchey, in which case basically no matter what Mayer does he’s a douche? As Brian of Nazareth said, “What sort of chance does that give me?”
“of”. I wish we could edit our posts.
Dear redhead bikini hott with kickin’ tourquoise shoes and librarian hott glasses perched jauntily uponst your twenty-something head,
–
Roses are red
Voilets are green
I’d shove my throbbing man-meat so deep,
It might rupture your spleen
Dear redhead bikini top, with daisy duke shorts which give me a boner,
–
Roses are red
Violets are nice,
Seconds after penetration,
My love juices would let loose, like an explosive device.
roses are dead
blossoms in poo
swordfight over red
blondes need dick too!
Damn, all this futbol ass pear and no NHL STANLEY CUP FINALS ASSPEAR!? What the fuck DB1???
Roses are Roses
Fushias are Fushia
What the fucks the matter with you
Being anywhere near these Douches
Dear redheaded shorty-shorts bikini hott on the left in the kickin’ tourquoise heels
Roses are red
Violets are blue
If i had more the 3 inches
Id split you in 2
Surely that shirt can’t cost $1,000! I would take it as a gift.
Roses are red
my soul is black
someone please delete the douches
including asian chick in the back
a lot of countries would do well if they only followed brazil’s example of how to properly present ass pear. it is shocking how far more advanced that country is in this technology.
Dear Redhead bikiki hott with the deceiving “girl-next-door” look who turns into a rabid depraved filthy nymph when in the bedroom…..(I hope)
–
–
Roses sre red
Violets are from Venus
Your shapely tanned legs,
Cause blood vessel engorgement in my pulsating weenus.
My buds and I are starting a garage band and we’ve been looking for a name…
.
.
.
.
•<<<>>>•
attn: Dark Sock
–
In the mid sixties I briefly played saxaphone in a Jazz band called “The Uncircumcised Cocktail Weenies.”
You’re welcome to us that, as all the members are now dead or serving life sentences in prison.
–
Hope that helps
“use”
After the gig with UCW didn’t work out, several of the band members moved to East Los Angeles, working in gas stations and languishing in homeless shelters until the mid eighties. Addicted to crack, we quickly found ourselves wrapped up in LA street gangs.
–
We then formed another band called, “Gladys Night and the Crips.”
–
We tried to contact Gladys several times, hoping she could revive her career by fronting for our band, but she never returned our calls.
–
–
–
bitch
I wanna 69 with Brazilian ass pear:
.
http://twitpic.com/1vx4za/full
@Darksock
You can dress up like chicks and call your selves
Pretty Grim
In the case of John Mayer, he OUGHT to do a GSR with a drum-tum like that one, and send it to the GULF to clean up oil debris.
hermit, i ran into the same problem you had with gladys knight and the crips a few years ago…
i had the idea to set up an early jazz and folk revival band, but i wanted all the musicians playing behind me, to be broads, sort of saying how women were often shut out, or minimized in the early years of american music….
i thought it was quite the feminist statement, especially because all the ladies were accomplished popular musicians in their own right…
i didn’t realize “the Lilith fair ragtime band” would piss people off
I’m actually leaning towards…
.
.
•<<>>•
I mean…
.
.
((((–WEENUS–))))
Dear redheaded shorty-shorts bikini hott on the left in the kickin’ tourquoise heels: Ignore the other philandering phillistines and hear me:
.
Ignore all these fools;
They’re all over-reaching.
I have a chlorinated cockk
for your free anal bleaching.
.
.
Sex In The Titty,
.
D. Sockk
Red are Roses
White are Eggs
Man that asian chick
Has linebacker legs
The Coach handbags
brand started over fifty years ago, in a small family run workshop. This original group of Coach Wristlet
artisans were fascinated with the leather characteristics of a baseball glove. Both the distinctive details of the glove’s design and the ability of the leather to become softer and supple with each catch, were employed in the creative concept behind the first Coach Ergo
. The tanned glove leather has become ingrained in the Coach Gallery
tradition.
all your poems about me are simply inspirational. thanks.-____-
p.s…. my hair isnt really red, more brown i’d say lol
Seexyyy Hot Pic. I like it.