Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Steve’s Bachelor Party of Two

Steve regrets only making one real friend, Paulie, during the course of his sadly disappointing, mediocre and soon to be forgotten 40 years of life.

But Paulie swore that, even if it was just the two of them, it was going to be the best damned bachelor party of all time.

He would end up being wrong.

It would not be the best bachelor party of all time. And one of them would end up with the runs.

Meanwhiel, Beth promised herself that in six months she really would take the G.E.D. No, this time she means it.

Steve's Bachelor Party of Two

Steve regrets only making one real friend, Paulie, during the course of his sadly disappointing, mediocre and soon to be forgotten 40 years of life.

But Paulie swore that, even if it was just the two of them, it was going to be the best damned bachelor party of all time.

He would end up being wrong.

It would not be the best bachelor party of all time. And one of them would end up with the runs.

Meanwhiel, Beth promised herself that in six months she really would take the G.E.D. No, this time she means it.

Friday Haiku

Vegas ‘Bag Sandwich,

But mmm… squish filling.

illustrated man

is a print shop tragedy

hott has big fake cans

— creature

Squish filling is bleeth

But I would gnaw uponst thigh

Like famished Daschund.

— Crucial Head

Ed Hardy shirt stretched

far beyond capacity

looks like a tattoo

– Hot Buttered Poopcorn

Lepper Messiah

Gathers flock for his sermon

On STD Love.

— Crucial Head

ron darling douche on

left ,temp notta expired

for beating the sox

— Euripidouche

Samurai Scrote feigns

inked torso disguise in place

of suit and necktie.

— Whoop-di-douche

researchers have found

diabetic tattoo ink

reacts with stupid

— the ‘bag apple

I want a skull, and

A star, and flowers, nice boobs

Oh, and a clock, and…

— Mr. Scrotato Head

She should buy a new

bikini instead of just

patching the old one.

— Mr. White

Just because your friend

is horrid, doesn’t downplay

your bag hand gesture.

– Bag Margera

Mole tatt in black hair

quite realistic: skull choad

should avoid the sun.

— WheezerHCwDB

The clock on naval

Says its time to get a life

Still putting it off

— Vin Douchal

Even though he’s dead

Sinatra would have him killed

For wearing that hat

— Snoop Douchey Douche

Redneck Vegas

With the cost of gas so high these days, sometimes it’s easier to make the douche pics happen on your own terms, rather than driving all that way.

Reader Mail: Criminal Abs

———-

DB1-

Paget Brewster is one of my favorite hotties and now CBS is talking about cutting her character out of “Criminal Minds” next season – her co-star Shemar is tolerable on the show but after seeing this photo he must be officially placed in the rankings of prime time douchiness.

— Aaron

————-

Bonus points for the Shemar pun, Aaron, but you’ll have to pick shows I’ve heard of to lament hott loss. As it is, television just hasn’t been the same since Sifl and Olly went off the air.

Brian Says Challo To Her Not So Little Friends

Yo, it don’t matter that Kristal is gettin paid by her modeling agency to pretend to be friendly, yo. Don’t let that throw you, dog!!

Wait’ll the boyz at the temp agency here about this night!! And speaking of temping dude, I hear you got a week long booking working the PHONES at Wellfleet, bro!! It’ll be… uh… off the hook!!

Montesquieu Finds A Four Pack of Love

And so does your humble narrator.

Come to me, Blue Dolphin Exotic Curvy Adventure Map Hott Martina. I would lightly massage your shoulders with raw eggs and confectioners sugar, and then we would listen to Mahler in stereo on a dual set of retro headphones my father stole from Radio Shack in 1983. And then I would praise your boobies with esoteric adjectives while rubbing my belly with a damp mixture of sand and terrycloth. And then you would call your brother to come pick you up. Which he would. While I sat quietly in the den, watching DVDs of The Wire.

Fake n’ Bake

What have the Fake n’ Bake Brothers taught Jenny?

Only the true Jersey pimps have Superman belt buckles.

Fake n' Bake

What have the Fake n’ Bake Brothers taught Jenny?

Only the true Jersey pimps have Superman belt buckles.

The Rural Wigga Boatcrust

America’s many lake shorefronts are also widely known as gathering grounds for aging hip-hop wannabe wigga douchecrusts like Albert here.

Shelley and Irene just want to fondle. Instead, Albert’s gunt intervenes.

On an unrelated note, Shelley’s back arch angle’s ratio to her perfectly formed ass pear is exactly 4.32643, also known as “Fermat’s Ass Theorem.”