Wednesday, June 23, 2010
The Rural Wigga Boatcrust
America’s many lake shorefronts are also widely known as gathering grounds for aging hip-hop wannabe wigga douchecrusts like Albert here.
Shelley and Irene just want to fondle. Instead, Albert’s gunt intervenes.
On an unrelated note, Shelley’s back arch angle’s ratio to her perfectly formed ass pear is exactly 4.32643, also known as “Fermat’s Ass Theorem.”
Yo Albert, my lawn is not going to mow itself.
I’d watch Sleepless in Seattle with her butt.
Alright guys, somebody has to say it… he’s got a great ass. I’d fuck all three of ’em.
BCS’s Ghost sounds a lot like Crucial…
Alright guys, somebody has to say it… he’s got a great ass. I’d fuck all…
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…hey wait just a damn minute… is someone reading my thoughts???/?
I usually wear cut-off chinos and a basketball jersey when I go out on the boat. Swimsuits are for pussies.
Is that Sarah Jessica Parker’s daughter in the middle?
Alright guys, somebody has to say it… he’s got a great… okay, now this is just getting freaky up in here!
Fermat is rumored to have written in the margins of his notebook beside the equation for his Ass Theorem “Remarkable pear!!”. And no mathematician has yet been able to come up with the proof, because they end up studying a perfect ass pear like Shelley’s there, and fapping themselves to release.
I keep forgetting to log in. Stump, Stick. amd Pear/
The RCK.
The Fermi Lab in Aurora just called and wants to make some accelerator runs on the Fermat Ass Theorem model.
Something about cyclotronning his ass pear.
I wonder if his mother had a rough delivery with an ass as big as his squeezing outta there.
Alright, alright, he needs a good spanking and several recurring characters here are just the ones to do it. While others watch.
Albert is the
a) quiche
b) apple pie
c) cherry tart
d) pizza
of douchecrusts.
Albert has the bad habit of disturbing the wildlife and upsetting the ecosystem of each lake he appears on.
I hope that the Rural Wigger will come sit on my lap so that I can kiss his sweet mouth until he nuzzles into my belly button, purring like a kitten.
Albert disturbs the swans, out-rudders the ruddy ducks, and ganders the geese.
When Albert takes off, the sound of the Canadian honker flies outta his ass.
…for Albert is that strange waterfowl known as the Crested Dweeb.
Rural wigga Albert’s booty out-wiggles Shakira’s.
Rural wigga Albert is destined to spawn a myriad of buttinskis.
Rural wigga Albert hails from pork country, and those aren’t his hams, they’re his nutz.
Rural wigga Albert comes from a line of sodbusters but found his calling as a sowbuster.
Albert and Irene get ready to engage in a log-rolling contest on Irene by taking their butt-out positions.
Um, er, uh, that log-rolling contest is on Shelley, not Irene, and she’ll probably sink when these two bum-heavy floaters climb aboard.
I WOULD SO PEE IN HER BUTT
She could almost hold up a shelf of books
Ahhh…I could so get lost in those buttocks…
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HERS!!! HERS!!! HERS!!! NOHOMO NOHOMO NOHOMO!!!
Albert is a supermodel trapped in an aging trucker’s body, he / she is.
that’s why he’s such a huge star in the local prison.
While impressive, Albert’s pear does happen to be less tappable. I only say that because he may have sat in something wet. Shelley, on the other hand… I would very much like to cuddle up with her with a book and some hot chocolate in mid-winter, wrapped in a blanket and debating the genius of George Orwell versus Stephanie Meyer. I just hope I can convince her to give 1984 a try.
did Shelley learn the perfect back arch ratio from Albert?
i wouldn’t know whether to laugh or cry. but i will fap regardless.
oh crap did i pull a prison sex joke?
it’s what Albert deserves.
Looks like Four Prong brought his yacht to the Regatta de Douche.
Alberts ass is 80 lbs of walnuts in a 5lb sack… I’d hit it, with a cricket bat
In an act of utmost blasphemy
Took the Red Sox gear right off of me
Want to gouge out my eyes
‘Cause we lost tonight
On a homer by Douchebag Giambi
Anyone but that bloated asshole. Gimme a break, huh, Baseball Gods?
her ass makes me want to invade kurdistan and root out kim, khloe. and kourtney, while blasting borat in the nuts with a battering ram
ok, kurdistan, khazakistan, kardashian, tell me you can tell them apart?
I would butt her butt with a silky butt wrapped in a succulent butt with detachable butt flogs just for the chance to sniff her discarded butts that she butt at her grandbutt’s house last Buttmas…
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… Or was it Buttsgiving?
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Butt.
Pardon my cuntiness, but if your thigh is bigger around than your torso, it doesn’t bode well for your later years….
Oh my god who let the anchor on deck?
i thought medusa had carte blanche on cuntyness, or cunt blanche as it were.
Shelley is known here as “Ass Pear”.
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Albert is known in County as “Ass Peril”.
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Somebody email me an Ambien. Please.
Middle girl does look like Sarah Jessica Parker. The mysterious FOOT FACE.
The curve makes me want to be a perve! The chicken leg long nose does not and motocrossboatbag makes me want put my meat thermometor in his dark flesh hole cell block style.
THICK, that’s what I’m sayin’. Them’s some thick-ass thighs ‘n’ ass right there. Countess (Cuntess?) Medusa might be right, but I’d hit that shit hard while the gettin’s still good. …And then dump ‘er for for some skinny-ass chick who’ll stay that way after poppin’ out 4-5 kids.
PS. I’ll bet there’s plenty of sweaty, overweight dudes in the state penitentiary who feel that “the gettin’s still good” on Rural Wigga’s ass. I’d pay to see that.
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Wait.. that totally sounded gay.
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Still.. it’d be worth it.
Here’s one douche that I don’t have a problem with breeding. Not that I’d want to think about it… but you know his daughters will be asstacular when they come of age!
Hey, Albert, leave the lesbians alone, ok?
fu ck albert. god dam-it. i mean seriously. jesus.
@Bagnonymous: no, that didn’t sound totally gay. “Sir! In the interest of cleanliness, might I offer my services, and lick that cum dollop from your mustache?” Now THAT sounded totally gay. If you’re going to gay it up, you have to be completely invested in the enterprise.
WTF!! The lusting for Albert’s ass is making me sick. The girls are helping to offset the illness.
Look at the ass on that one. He must work out.
Oddly, this is the picture they show to guys in prison as a test to see if they are ready for parole. If they say that “They’d bang those bitches like a screen door hanging on by one hinge during a hurricane” they know that the prisoner can be sent to the parole board. If they say the same thing about Albert, well, they get thrown in “the hole” for another 6 months. True story. My neighbor works as a prison guard.
Uh Boss, not to criticize or nuthin’ but Fermat’s Ass Pear Theorem is: ass^n + boobs^n = cuteness^n
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There is no known positive value of n greater two that this equation works. For example, chick in the middle would be:
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ass^0 (no ass pear) + boobs^0 (flat chested) does not = cuteness (at all).
It’s just that simple. Give a try and see if you can make it work. Now if you would think of her as a 4-dimensional Klein bottle that…aw, never mind.
What an awesome, smoking hot picture this would be, if there wasn’t some ridiculous dipshit in it, hat on backwards, giant sunglasses, death grip on that bottle of Miller High Life that he usually reserves for his tiny cock. But I guess if he weren’t there, I’d have never seen this picture at all. So, I guess, thanks, douchebag. Now could you take two giant steps to your right?
@ deltus, might i add that also sounds totally disgusting, even if performed by double agent 73, chesty morgan, and the cum turns out to be mustard.
http://www.fivedoves.com/letters/apr2010/bb.jpg