Thursday, July 29, 2010
Biff The Bouncer ‘Bag
We haven’t featured some quality meaty meat bouncer douches on the site in awhile, so here’s Biff, working to pay off his parole one night shift at “Club Pure” at a time.
Even with 1970s porn star chin pube and tribal tatt, I kinda like Biff’s self awareness, so I’m going stage-2. Douchey, but redeemable.
Mmmm… Courtney and Michelle. Middle age ladies should burn and rage at closing of the rope. So do not go gentle into that good VIP section. Rage, rage, against the fading of the tight.
Tribal tatt: Check.
6 Pound Watch: Check
Greasy fauxhawk: Check
Chin Pubes: Check
(Possible) fake dogtags: Check
Stupid shirt: Check
Roided-out arms: Check
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Stage 3 easy.
Yes, but he has a sweet smile. I’d knock off a few points for that, plus another few simply for not making kissy-lips.
The guy in the background has the appropriate expression for this trio.
Wow! When Jessica Simpson thinks nobody’s looking, she really lets herself go. Into the buffet line, that is. Not hat I wouldn’t gnaw on that Flashdance shoulder with a taste of Texas Pete’s.
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Dude in pink lettered tee has the depth of a movie poster.
Biff seems like the Bra!! of the bouncer circuit. Yeah, he’s got douchey tribals and hairstyles, but I have to think he’s smirking because he’s having a pretty good night. Hotts have been coming up to him all night to shoot the breeze, and that’s going to inflate anyone’s ego. Stage-2 at best for now, but shave off all the fung and cover the stupid tatt, and how would we know?
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But it’s when he starts thinking “They all want me” and begins posting “ur jus jelous of ma skillz” on his Twitter that he becomes full-on scrote.
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I would suckle right hott Gina’s shoulder like a Nigerian youngster tasting a cherry popsicle for the first time.
Biff is more to be pitied than censured. Almost, anyway.
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His fauxhawk is a little light on the hawk, he could use some rogaine.
I think the girl on the right might be a bag huntress either she’s mocking him with her finger point or she’s pointing to say OMG!! look at the guns on this guy.
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He’s just a big dude I don’t think he’s roided. He’s more “man that guys fuccen big I wouldn’t want to piss him off” spectacle type then bag, but the chin pube doesn’t help his cause.
Millfy Hott with bare shoulders gave me a stiffy which is somewhat painful since I sit a cube.
I give Biff a Notta since he does have that smirk/glare of a bouncer.
I know on Friday DB1 is going to be stellar with the ASS PEAR. It’s been a long week of mocking.
Even with laser removal, the stain of the tribal tat which holds no cultural significance to any particular tribe traceable in his families lineage remains… It cannot be un-douched!!!
People – the MILF is his mom. Look at the eyes and the corners of his mouth, and the bridge of his nose. I think she and his cousin Bambi from Tampa showed up at his place of employment cuz they knew tey could get in. She’s looking to exercise her cougar-ness.., purrrrrrrr, and Babmi’s just there for the giggles.
I’m pretty sure that was a Back to School reference.
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kudos DB1.
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I would triple lindey off of Courtney’s Beaver board.
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“Hey Bubbles, come over here”
There is something just a tad self-referential about Biffo. He’s just too knowing to be deemed totally obnoxious. Plus the decision to pull the solo chest hug (when he could just as easily have jutted both arms out digits a-blazing over Alexa and Justine’s heads) makes him low priority on the bag pile.
Close but no-douche.
I have to agree with fatness. This guy is a stage 3 bag.
Biff is a bouncer at Dave and Busters. It looks like the kids in the background are playing video games and the dude on the right has a bar/server towel. Biff told his sister (on the right) that he could get her and her friend in to play video games all night for free. I think that dude on the right is privy to something we can’t see. Something of a rather hideous nature. Could it be?
(a) Biff is wearing a Speedo
(b) Biff has a tatt of a rooster on his ankle (a cock below his knees)
(c) One of the ladies has an unfortunate malady of the gluteal region
(d) Biff just sharted and that’s why he’s smiling.
Hott on the left is pointing and mocking him. At least, that’s what I think/hope.
Biff’s brain has obviously slid to the left of his coconut, and what is with Mickey Mouse on the far right.?. (sidetracking me from Hottness on the right)!
urh a bouncer douche the only thing worse than a normal clubbing douche, i mean if u think club douches have egos, and a self assured level of importance, can u imagine wat bouncers must be like, being the only people with the power to dictate to the club douches wat they can and cant do in a club, what egos they must hav, must be unbearable, if a club full of douches is hell then bouncers r the gatekeepers to hell, which would basically make them hells henchmen, which means that they should be splashed with holy water and beaten over the head with a big leather bound bible….preferably from behind as by the time their pea brains have recieved the message from their sensory nerves what has happend the full minute it takes for them to turn their boulder butts around and take a thundering step forwards, the perpetrator will have already run half a mile away..
Guys with Jay Leno-sized chins should NOT, I repeat, NOT wear male landing strip chin pubes. Especially when ‘roided out with anabolic necks, arms and shoulders.
Only bouncer really worth noting is the jiggly jugs on the right hott, which she has demurely covered.
He had promise, until he became a bouncer. Then it was all over. In five years we’ll see him again, pulling some Donk-like antics. Unless, of course, Zebra-bubbles is able to intervene. and if she is not, she can intervene me. And by intervene I mean–oh, never mind.
Biff isn’t self-aware unless he submitted the pic himself. and even then he’s still at stage 2.
babu has to hide his wrists, lest the world know those guns can’t shoot, all he can do is say yapple dapple till the cops show up. bar apes like this need to work in a real place where you don’t have time to wait til the cops show up.
OutSTANDing Dylan Thomas reference. Also known for his douche epic “When in My Crap or Sullen Shart.”
Bouncer = idiot job(didn’t graduate high school cause it was too much work)
He used to do lawn care and siding. But it was sweaty work.