Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

The Spiker Lurks

The Spiker knows the power of drunk chick.

He does not have to look with his eyes.

For The Spiker senses all with his spike.

Friday Thoughts and Links

A quiet post July 4th week of hangover here at HCwDB, but things are rapidly firing up for Monday with a nasty smackdown HCwDB of the Week vote.

Your humble narrator is back in the city of Angels, freshly shaved and shorn and smelling like petunias. Or maybe that’s just sweatsock.

Season #3 of Is She Really Going Out With Him? begins shooting in a few weeks in Boston and Scottsdale. And your humble narrator is prepping a new show and finding artful ways to scratch his nethers in public.

HC1 even created an account and may pop into the threads from time to time, so keep a lookout. Times are good. And the weekend is here.

Here’s your links:

HCwDB’s own ‘Bag Huntress extraordinaire, Dicy takes a self portrait, causes telescopic ground erections.

Reader Captain Lame notices a new North Face sleeping bag campaign targeting douchebags, does some creative editing to bring out the subtext.

Manny Manuel proves the old addage: Never trust anyone with two first names. Who is also a scrotepud.

Douchefights.

More douchefights.

Douche lick.

Former reality T.V. mill grist, John Gosselin, attempts to cling to fame by getting increasingly choadier.

Ferrari Guy For Hire. Uhm… yeah. Lets just move on.

The Jersey Shore cast continues to try to sell fist pumping as ironic and self aware. Yeah, and Leni Riefenstahl was just a filmmaker.

That’s right, kids. A Leni Riefenstahl reference. Find that over at The Chive. Actually, if you wait a few days, you probably will.

Proving that Hip Hop and the Crisis of Masculinity in the age of deconstructionism are creating scads of purported heterosexuals in acts of extreme homoerotica, The Brothabags Go Dickslanging.

A little Asian Librarian Nerd Hott makes the world a better place.

Douchebag Bathroom Self-Portraiture moves from trend to full-blown viral infestation. And more. And yet more.

But you’re not here simply to mock Douchebag Bathroom Self Portraiture. You’re also here for the Pear.

Here ya go, a triptych of art pear:

Latex Pear.

Shag Pear.

And finally, Shakespear.

In honor of Shakespear: Butt soft!! What light through yonder thigh cheek breaks? It is the east, and Juliet has glorious glutes!

Go forth, kids. For the weekend is uponst.

Slick Rick Wears a Headband

Other than the headband, Slick Rick isn’t really noteworthy as an anthropological douchebag specimen.

So why run the pic?

Because I would like to heartily encourage America’s young adult women of quality curviture, like Sophie and Lisa here, to embrace on the dance floor, and slyly fondle each other.

Don’t think of it as faux lesbianism for the male gaze. Think of it as giving back to the larger community.

The Brothers Quaylude

Bobby and Danny. The Brothers Quaylude. Matching blowouts and t-shirts.

And lets not forget the sad Sandra Sisters, heading down the dark path of Ed Hardy and semi-employment in nail salons throughout the tri-state area.

Friday Haiku

Sproing-hair, like space schlong.

But boobies abide.

This yeasty cod piece

Symbolic superstar scrote

Reluctant hots pose

— The Baggernaut

Murton in new sect

“hari hari krishna krishna poo”

armadillo ass

— Creature

Cormac McCarthy

Time to send Judge Holden in

To take a douche scalp

— Vin Douchal

Leopard hott needs to

declare independence from

the Red, White and Douche

— dknutty

Steve’s joke is pure corn

He ain’t no Texas Longhorn

But are his gals shorn?

— saulgoode42

Blonde Trisha consoles.

Boobies speak of brighter morn’s.

And navel concurs.

— Amerigo Vesdouchey

Mohawk Melvin mugs

Milf mammaries. Mexico

Mulls mass migration

— Mr. Scrotato Head

Red neck’s mohawk flag

Surrounded by two hots

I smell Skoals & Budweiser

— mr.reeve

In San Antone, they’ll

Remember the Alamo

by shaving his head.

— Wheezer

Breaking: Area Man Realizes The Onion Sucks Alpaca Testes

The Onion’s “The Chive” once again finds “inspiration” from other sites on the internets.

Not even a link, Onionites? Really?

EDIT: The Chive is apparently not affiliated with The Onion, so apologies to Area Man. Carry on.

Magritte N’est Pas Une Douchebag.

I title this, my latest master work of outsider art, “Magritte N’est Pas Une Douchebag,” to both honor as well as critique the great modernist painter.

While there are no hot chicks to counterbalance this pic in proper HCwDB formulation, the use of spatial isolation functions as a critique of the douche body absent the normative gender roles.

The framing via reflection and the privileging of the apparatus at the moment of capture all suggest an inability to reclaim the artifact in the age of sociological fracture and identity destabilization. While the prominent role of hand sanitizer offers a playful critique of the ultimate greasy and unclean douche plague in all of its manifestations.

This latest work will, of course, be a part of my gallery showing at the Guggenheim Museum in 2023 when my genius for reappropriating images in the age when virtual has superceded actual is finally recognized by the academy.

But, since there are no Hot Chicks in this work of art, have some Snap Pear.

Magritte N'est Pas Une Douchebag.

I title this, my latest master work of outsider art, “Magritte N’est Pas Une Douchebag,” to both honor as well as critique the great modernist painter.

While there are no hot chicks to counterbalance this pic in proper HCwDB formulation, the use of spatial isolation functions as a critique of the douche body absent the normative gender roles.

The framing via reflection and the privileging of the apparatus at the moment of capture all suggest an inability to reclaim the artifact in the age of sociological fracture and identity destabilization. While the prominent role of hand sanitizer offers a playful critique of the ultimate greasy and unclean douche plague in all of its manifestations.

This latest work will, of course, be a part of my gallery showing at the Guggenheim Museum in 2023 when my genius for reappropriating images in the age when virtual has superceded actual is finally recognized by the academy.

But, since there are no Hot Chicks in this work of art, have some Snap Pear.

Live Free or Die Hardy

Question on the floor:

Have we become so inured to the cultural saturation of Ed Hardy douchewear that it no longer rankles us as the societal blight it really is?

Witness Leopold and Loeb here, previously featured in yesterday’s We Are The Sum of the Choices We Make. Normally, they’d be up for extensive mock for their lame macking on Julie and Simona. But in the summer of 2010, we barely blink at their atrocities.

Have we become comfortably numb to the Hardy scrum?

And why am I suddenly typing out trite questions in the form of crude rhymes like warmed over Carrie Bradshaw?

Reader Mail: Meeting Four Prong’s Kimmy K

—-
DB1:

– The Yellow Dart
—-

Always enjoyable to hear from a fellow ‘bag hunter finding a real world H.C., although Brothabag Gabe here earns a clear and unequivocal nottadouche. That dude is stone cold badass. He would make me his prison bitch.

Kimmy is all sorts of P.T.P. sultry. And for that, I open my wallet and my heart to her “going through the motions” charm.