Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Sixteen Seconds of Douchebag Frolic

New rule: Holding the camera sideways while videotaping a scrote renders you autoscrote.

Mindy asks, “Who is the Douche Bag Now?!”

Friday’s Mindy responds to HCwDB in the comments thread:

—–
I dont date douchebags but I have many friends and if you want to call them douchebags without knowing them well I guess that makes you no better and actually a tool. I personally dont care what you post about me but pictures you are posting are of real people whom you know nothing about or what they’ve been through or like in real person or the context of the picture. I guess what I’m saying is that while some of this may be funny it is at the expense of other people who did nothing to you and rather pathetic that you take the time out of your day to creep online and then save pictures of people you do not know and make up stuff about them. Who is the douche bag now?!
—–

Who is the douchebag now?

Actually, today, it’s this guy.

Tomorrow? Probably someone else.

Mindy asks, "Who is the Douche Bag Now?!"

Friday’s Mindy responds to HCwDB in the comments thread:

—–

I dont date douchebags but I have many friends and if you want to call them douchebags without knowing them well I guess that makes you no better and actually a tool. I personally dont care what you post about me but pictures you are posting are of real people whom you know nothing about or what they’ve been through or like in real person or the context of the picture. I guess what I’m saying is that while some of this may be funny it is at the expense of other people who did nothing to you and rather pathetic that you take the time out of your day to creep online and then save pictures of people you do not know and make up stuff about them. Who is the douche bag now?!

—–

Who is the douchebag now?

Actually, today, it’s this guy.

Tomorrow? Probably someone else.

Friday Thoughts and Links

Oh those Europeans are a wacky bunch. First The Dreyfus Affair. Now this.

Your humble narrator is pleased with another quality week of mock, and props to all the ‘bag hunters and huntresses who fill the comments threads with daily genius. Your humor and cultural deconstruct bring A-List mock to the world. And what more could Jebus want?

I sit. I scratch my toesies because they itch. I enjoy a tasty Hostess Twinkie and microwave some Trader Joe mini-pizzas. Because I’m healthy like that. And I await more Peyton List on Mad Men later this month. Mmm…. quality T.V. with boobies.

Here’s your links:

The great Skweezy Jibbs releases his first music video: Phat Black Women.

What’s fake tanned, pumped up and ridiculously douchey? Wrestler Darren Young. No R.L.R. forgiveneness for that look, Darren.

Douchebag Exterminator gets his own T.V. Show. And by “exterminator,” I mean the annihilation of culture, quality, taste and intellect.

One of the key corporate sponsors of the douchepocalypse, Axe Bodyspray pollutes a boobie at the World Cup.

Reader Bryan creates a pretty hilarious HCwDB Tapout Logo. Could make for some nice photoshop fun for the designers among us.

Eagle-Eyed reader ‘Bagville noticed that Facebook’s online game Farmville is now talking like Stackhouse. Let me know when Farmville finds some whobag jumpoffs.

Star Wars on the subway.

Mantyhose. For when you absolutely positively need to have the appearance of tribal tattoos on your legs. And yet another sign of the crisis of modernity.

But you’re not here to laugh at Mantyhouse. Well, yeah, you are. But you’re also here for Pear. No week is complete without your Pear reward. So here you go:

Droplet Pear.

Let it never be said that there is no meaning in this universe again.

Captain Mediocre Works the Party

It’s a nice case of truth in advertising that Captain Mediocre didn’t give himself a better superhero name.

A 2.6 from Washington State and vague plans to be an “architect” because he once read a book on Frank Lloyd Wright do not belie his permanent residency on the couch of his best friend Dave.

Mindy is all that is bright and youthful and wholesome and boobie fondle about a spring summer day in Guadalcanal. She makes flowers bloom and small woodland creatures hump tree stumps. For that, I follow her around the supermarket aisles, pretending I’m looking for peanut butter.

EDIT: Pretty sure that’s Mindy again. Or her twin. Twins, Max. Imagine the possibilities.

Beau and Mindy: The Shirtless Double Standard

When Woo Hotties choose to strip down on the dance floor and shout “Woo!” it is to be commended at a future date with a cash honorarium and a Popsicle.

When a Jerz Meatclown decides to go shirtless and reveal he’s tattooed “Beautiful,” along with a swirly pattern that resembles lake fungus near a toxic waste dump on his shoulder, it is to be urinated on from afar like a tribal elder treating a snake bite.

Friday Haiku

Inscriptions on face,

Hint: “No fault divorce.”

Tattoos on his face

Signify his gangster ties

With MS-Turdy.

— Crucial Head

The plain white t-shirt

offsets Affliction body;

his ass is tapped out.

— Wheezer

Instinct takes over

As Duane humps Steff’s dress that looks

like mom’s couch cushion

— Mr. Scrotato Head

Jawa on on left cheek

Searches face for scrap metal…

Build droid to kill him.

— Boatbutter

Rorshach nuzzles up

Kimmy smiles uncomfortably

sees a bad pattern.

– Mr. Biggs

Sandy smells so good

Puddy Holly’s getting wood

Do better, she could

— saulgoode42

Prison G.E.D.

Teacher’s pet has a huge crush

Not a shot in hell

— Vin Douchal

Even this dude’s poop

Is bedazzled with

White Corn Hieroglyphs

— DarkSock

grandma’s wallpaper

disguises pointy funbags

anal bead necktie

— paperorplastic

Monique Leaves France, Discovers Tatt Pec Tony, Has Existential Crisis

It’s a strange story of boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gives up on D.J. dreams and gets a job at Citibank.

Albino Harold

Sunlight may do permanent damage to his upper cutaneous layers, but that won’t stop Albino Harold from hitting on Pammy at the coolest bar in Ames, Iowa (well, the only bar in Ames, Iowa) on a Tuesday night at 7:42pm.

The Jebus and Mary Stain

“And Jebus said unto them … “If ye have faith as a grain of hair gel seed, ye shall say unto this crotch, Remove pubes to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible to you, except for getting into the V.I.P. room after 10pm.”

~Fluke, 8:15~