Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

7:22 am July, 8 Whoop-di-douche said...

Heh heh, she’s bigger’n he is, and Rite-Aid has the right idea goin’ animated at Valentine’s Day.

7:32 am July, 8 Whoop-di-douche said...

Thursday Douche likes red backdrops, just like he did on Wednesday.

7:36 am July, 8 Deltus said...

She stage 1 Bleeth, but she’s quite the hott! He is a mini-bag. They’re like regular bags, just made wee.

7:36 am July, 8 mr.reeve said...

The v-neck is taking over the Ed Douchey t-shirts as the shirt of choice for the bags. Thick juicy club whore legs in the morning with my coffee is a good start to my day.

7:59 am July, 8 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Well, at least Joe Girardi Jr isn’t dragging her by the hair.

8:16 am July, 8 Baron Von Goolo said...

Douchebag indicator #412: strength taking a distant second to appearances, true douchebags only work out from the waist up.

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It’s fortunate that ChaCha has that glorious, rosey dumper to cushion her inevitable landing. South of the border, Antonio is pure Olive Oyl and his heron legs are about to snap like a Twix.

8:32 am July, 8 End the Haberdouchery said...

Dude is struggling to support that ample bounty of feminine delights. Come with me fair maiden, I shall carry you into the forest and build you a log cabin where I will pee in your butt while the robins sing.

8:52 am July, 8 Dicy said...

I dont know how I feel about the V-neck t-shirs on a guy. I think it’s a little weird. I do know how I feel about the hott’s thighs though mmm. I wish I could save her from the dark side…

9:46 am July, 8 Troy Tempest said...

He’s under powered and uberscrote. If he had it together, he’d have swung her higher, so as to get one arm under her upper thighs and the other under her lower back, so he could then haul her weight above his hips. Instead, he approaches her like a barbell, and just hauls her up, and this, of course, leads to the sloppy stupidity you see her depicted.

I am not Mr Muscles, but I have swept more than few lovely girls up in my arms, so I know the technique of which I speak. It works.

Similar technique if a man has a petite female and wishes vertical coitus. Then you have to get your arms under her mid thighs and then lock your fingers in her lower back, and create a kind of swing for her. Do it until you feel vertabrae #6 or 7 start to give out…

The shorter women here should be able to verify how all this works – Dicy? Medusa? IIRC you’re both about 5’3″, correct?

Although – Medusa prolly has a mechanical swing in her basement… Mr White may know more…

9:53 am July, 8 Mr. White said...

@troy

“Mechanical” is more or less accurate, but a better way to describe the swing you reference would be “robotically enhanced.”

9:54 am July, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Oh how I wish these pictures had a soundtrack to them. You know that this picture was taken only when one of his ‘bros showed up.

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Conversation previous to picture:

Him: “Baby could we go to Michael’s craft store so I can pick up styrofoam balls for those centerpieces I promised Chad I would make. I also need some turquoise thread for that needlepoint and some sparklies for the one that fell off my “Love Kills” Ed Hardy shirt.

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Her: “Whatever. Can we get some food after that then? I’m hungry *pout pout*”

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Conversation during/after picture:

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Him: “Yo, what up, dawg? Bitch dragged me here for all artsy craftsy shit she does. Watch this ‘bro!”

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Her: “If you drop me one more time from your little girl arms I’m gonna kick your ass in front of your “‘bro”. Now put me down and let’s get something to eat goddamnit!”

10:07 am July, 8 Euripidouche said...

ah yes, when i was a sophomore in high school i used to have to carry kegs of beer like that, all awkward and shit, you know two hands in the handle, supporting the weight against my thigh as i stumbled with it, trying not to shake it up before it got tapped…

then i did some strength training, to go with some basic physiological development, as opposed to douche training which is the appearance of muscles, in an effort to look more “cut”.

i am betting he shakes her keg so much he is going to have to wait a while before he can tap it.

10:14 am July, 8 Vin Douchal said...

He is a bus boy at Denny’s and she is a little tart that could use a big scvhantz

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My name is Malik Zulu Shabazz and i approve of this message

10:14 am July, 8 Vin Douchal said...

Schvantz ?

10:56 am July, 8 Jaques Doucheteau said...

I just got back from taking my cat to the veterinarian. My poor Clarice (yes, Starling) has been looking a wee lethargic and eating less the past few days. Last night I began inspecting her all over for signs of any serious maladies. Her gums were nice and pink, eyes bright, skin and fur soft, then “OH HOLY HELL, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ON HER ASS!?!?!?”

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It was a furry mountain of flesh right next to her anus, except that it had already erupted, and a huge magma flow of blood; puss; and assorted juices; was making its way down her legs, taking out thatch-roofed villages along its way. I could see into the meaty abyss, where there was a tangled mass of flesh, bloody puss, oily sinew, and some other substance that looked like the cottage cheese I forgot in the back of my ‘fridge for four months.

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However ugly the situation looked, however, she didn’t seem to be on death’s doorstep so I decided to delay taking her to the vet until morning. I did wake up the next morning with an oozing ruptured cat ass in the face though, which oddly enough didn’t spoil my appetite for hot sauce yogurt smothered sausage patties for breakfast.

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The visit to the vet’s office this morning set my mind at ease. Poor Clarice (and yes, I had a pet rat once named Hannibal) had an infected anal sac, which had burst on its own. He explained that it’s very rare in cats, whereas dogs get infected anal sacs more frequently, and that they normally need to be surgically drained instead of bursting on their own. This made for some good news. Now came the fun part.

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I got to assist the vet while he “cleaned out” the cavity. First with iodine soaked swabs. Then by squeezing the fluids out. Then by jamming his finger in their and feeling around, pulling out big bloody puss boogers with his index finger. When he was all done, that cat had a cavernous crater of abscessed anal gravy on her ass. Remember the scene in Peter Jackson’s Dead Alive where Lionel was cleaning the infected wound on his mum’s arm left by the Sumatran rat monkey as she was turning into a zombie? It was like that, but really gross.

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But whatever. I grew up on a farm, so this was nothing. I’ve seen pigs slaughtered, abscessed lanced and cleaned with nothing but a rusty scalpel and a turkey baster full of hydrogen peroxide, and bull cows “milked”. I’ve reached elbow deep inside a goat’s vagina to pull a baby out, and then again to shove a disinfectant pill in her uterus, because I wasn’t wearing any gloves and had goat diarrhea all over my arm. No big deal.

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But then I come home, fire up my desktop, see this scene right here, and promptly vomit down my shirt.

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True story.

11:02 am July, 8 douchebag1 said...

Props to Jacques Doucheteau for the post win. Good work sir!

– management

11:09 am July, 8 P Showard Chunt said...

pussy’s ruptured pussing anal sac could be the best band name evar.

11:11 am July, 8 Dicy said...

@JD

Shit. What the heck did I just read? But yeah, this douche is way more gross.

11:48 am July, 8 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I can get him to drop the drunk hottie stage 1 bleeth.

Just wave a bottle of Goose in front of him and tell him it is his, and *splat* down she goes. Just fill it with water, and by the time he complains, you swoop in and rescue the bleeth. She’s only stage 1, so it is still possible to clean her up.

12:06 pm July, 8 Dicy said...

@Troy

I appreciate your over estimate of my height.. though you were pretty close; I’m 5’1″ on a good day. Not sure about your vertical sex technique, I haven’t had vertical sex in… well never mind that detail… this guy’s a pansy.

1:33 pm July, 8 Troy Tempest said...

JD – your penance is to read ALL of the story of the most infamous anal moment on the interweb thingie:

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Bob The Anal Fissure

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One of the funniest thins ever posted to alt.tasteless.

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Those were the glory days of the interwebs. alt-tasteless, the darwin list, alt.wesley.crusher.die.die.die, alt.carl.maldens.nose, alt.spork… some brilliant shit there, people. Brilliant. Back then, you actually had to know how to write.

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Remember Tae the EMT from Hell? fuck if I didn’t break rib laughing at his stuff.

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But, we’ve all moved on to other things like HCwDB and Facebook.

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If I could have the quality of content of 1996 with the broadband of 2010, I’d be one happy camper.

1:33 pm July, 8 UFO Destroyers said...

@ JD

I haven’t done half the stuff (actually none of it) you mentioned, but I did sleep in a Holiday Inn Express last year, and know that I would rather deal with my own ruptured anal sac than this walking waste of oxygen.

2:26 pm July, 8 Whoop-di-douche said...

You ain'[t seen nothin’ till you have to deal with anal fistulas from Crohn’s disease…a never-ending leak of all the above, but on a drip-drip-drip basis that goes on for months if unattended to by medical intervention…only to return later in relapse form.

But I digress..

Thread photo didn’t inspire fistula memories, that damn cat Clarice did.

3:20 pm July, 8 Dr. Richard Goesinyou said...

As Crystal Hott and Marcus made their way back to his ’92 Acura Integra after a night of clubbing, Marcus thought it would be a good idea to show everyone how he somehow managed to deadlift 45# this morning whilst working out in the gym at the local Holiday Inn Express.

In reality what he had done was “Clean” a “Power Snatch”. (Pun Intended)

What is unseen are his pink and white, bedazzled Vibram 5-finger clubbing shoes.

12:06 am July, 9 Baron Von Goolo said...

Jacques, that was poetry.

7:46 am July, 9 Bagwood Dumbstead said...

There is something so primitive about that satin dress and her ripeness that begs me to peek and probe. Too bad that right after the shutter closed, he fell on his face on top of her, and she stumbled to her feet squealing. Run, Sheena, run!

8:30 am July, 10 Steve L. said...

who knew that there’s a huge anal pus sac lodged into the douche’s ass?

well you can’t see it, but it’s there.