Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Danny the Scrub
Sometimes we forget what an average, real world, Midwestern choadscrub looks like.
Appendix tatts, unjustified shirtlessness, stupid glasses, hand gestures, and a giant crotchstain. Danny is scrub.
Jessica is perky, slightly dull, and faces a long future in middle management. But, for now, her perfectly youthful body of youthful joy, and her strange desire to take her pants off at a concert, deserves applause and gnaw.
And a happy 80th to Sean Connery, who forever earns a permanent nottadouche simply for starring in Zardoz.
Whoever’s playing on stage must be good, they’re standing 3-deep in the front.
Put a bag on her head and she’s smokin’ hot.
Put a bag on his head and hit him with a car battery.
Why would a sweaty Midwestern choadscrub tattoo this on his side?
C’mon, scrub. If there’s one thing Darksock has taught us it’s to shake it off good after peeing in that horse.
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That and alcohol, heroin , midget hookers, Tibetan Shamen, cigars, sandbars and boats don’t mix.
Alfred E. Neuman was so excited he wet his pants. She’s not that hot.
Danny Le Scrub provides us with a good example of the douche attempting understatement. I notice this regularly even in Sydney: my little, far flung backwater of a home town. They never pull it off because they always seem to overcompensate for this massive restraint by exaggerating some other equally hideous area of douchery i.e. hand gesture, snarky leer, upside down shades worn indoors, etc. Douche is what douche does. Plus, I suspect Danny semi-disguised his ink because of the grief he’d cop if he’d worn it on his sleeve.
I think he’s what’s more popularly known as trailer douche. And Jessica will no doubt look less perky in a few years after she’s squeezed a few out and been hooked on crystal meth while Danny serves out his 5 to 10 for soliciting minors on the internet and writing hot checks.
@ Tom Douchery: well, there is that too. Especially the bit about his stint in the big house.
The only redeeming part of this pic is Jessicas’ panty reveal
Where exactly are the hot chicks on this site?
Zardoz: when you absolutely, positively, must make a movie on acid. Great call-out.
Line at the PortaPotty – 1
Scrub – 0
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She’s got a Lea Thompson thing going in, which I dig.
Red Diaper = Immortality
I dunno. I’m Jessica is a downright sweet and tasty helping of mid-Western small city hotness. Lean and tight. Natural breasts. Pretty with no make-up. Certainly life as an administrative assistant for an Indonesian Orthodontist is no picnic, but it pays the bills and buys soccer cleats for little Jesse. Which is more than she can say for that f*cking bastard of a father Danny. God if she didn’t just love him so much. The way he makes her feel right after he tucks a dip behind his lower lip, wipes the tabacco crumbs off his chin with the back of his hand, and looks at her through his droopy pot-baked eyelids. God, why does she keep giving him another chance? Why? WHY? WHY?
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I’d pull her hair back until she went “Unk-h-h! Unk-gh-hhk!”
Me^
“I’m Jessica…” Really? “I’m Jessica”
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How about “I’m thinking Jessica…” gunt swaddler.
He must have taken off the “I pissed my pants at the Warped Tour and all I got is this crappy t-shirt” shirt.
Wearing a cool, colorful belt doesn’t make up for using the shop rag from the auto repair shop you work in, as clothing.
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BTW I am Jessica.
I am Jessica’s Pancreas
Back in the day, we used to consider pissing yourself a badge of shame. Too bad shame doesn’t sit well with douchebags with narcissistic personality disorder.
If we’re picking places, I’m Jessica’s panties.
I am Doctor Remulak.
@DC,
.
Scroll down the left column of this page to the Hall of Hott and the Hall of Pear. Bring lotion and Kleenex unless you want a messy keyboard and calloused hands.
Bladder control was never Danny’s strong suit.
Dark Sock 12:42,
.
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Nice Reader’s Digest reference.
@ DC,
.
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You’d be wise however, to keep the door closed to The Closet of Poo.
@scrotum pole^
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How the hell would you know that?
I’m Jessica’s ass cheek hanging out on the other side of the picture.
@ Scrotato,
.
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I’ve opened that door, and still regret it.
@ Scrotato,
.
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If you’re refering to <Reader's Digest, my Grandma had stacks of those things in her Brooklyn apartment.
^ Along with dead cats and moth balls.
she’s holding on too tight. he’s leaking.
damnit danny, now go clean yourself
danny’s so scrubby pans scour him
The Closet of Poo had me crying laughing the first time I perused through, I may have peed myself much like Danny.
I am Jessica’s Self-respect.
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What, you can’t see me?
Jessica is actually just slumming for the summer. She met Douchenozzle here at a party a week earlier. She thought he was “funny”. In September she’s moving out of town to start dental hygiene school in Austin Texas. She’ll never see Danny Boy here again. In Austin she will discover the works of Howard Zinn, the ELF, the ALF, and Derrick Jensen. She will turn Dark Green, and while she works on people’s teeth during the day, she’s setting fire to shopping malls at night. She will be arrested and jailed, and write a series of prison diaries that will be published after her untimely death in 2032 during the second American Civil War.
O.k. so I’m aware of a guy getting wood and having, um….I think I’ll call it “seepage”, when next to a hot chick. Danny however has blown his wad right outta the gate, you gotta relax Danny and take it slow, she’ll touch it someday.
Sean Connery’s 80th birthday is like Ron Jeremy’s 50th birthday.
i probably shouldn’t have compared Sean Connery and Ron Jeremy side by side, but my knowledge of respectable celebrities is limited.
wait when did Ron Jeremy become a respectable celebrity?
… i dunno. it’s just that i’ve always thought of him as a folk hero of sorts. fat and ugly schmuck banging an endless stream of hot chicks and so on and so forth.
He also has banged endless streams of skanks, old hags and trannies.
if Jessica becomes a single mother, i would have this huge unhealthy crush on her. because i love hearing about single mothers coping with the trials and tribulations of a botched up relationship and raising a child all by herself.
and if she becomes a single mother, i hope by god that her kid’s father is not Danny the Scrub.
@ Sack O Douche 2:35 PM,
oh really? he takes one for the team. he does.
Danny’s lactating from the naval!!!!!
@Steve L,
I am just saying he has his moments with hotties and nasties. That’s the life of a porn star I suppose.
I like Jessica’s dull ways and hot perky everything by the way. She will grow up and realize Danny and his wet crotch were just a phase.
I’m all about supporting single moms.
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http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/i-support-single-moms/
“If pissing your pants is cool, then I’m Miles Davis.”
This does not apply to Danny.
Recently I was reminded of who the politicians are talking about when they say “Real Americans.” You know, those good corn fed Mid Westerners who look like this and are OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MINDS on meth. Yes, if there is one thing you must do before Election Season kicks into full swing it’s watch the documentary American Meth and remember it every time you hear some asshole G.O.P. jerkoff say “Real Americans.”
How did they Photoshop Burt Reynolds into the 3 minute Zardoz trailer?
They have pills for this Jessica,and gee,I wouldn’t put my hand near that…
I will call him Piss Stain Pete.
My everlasting respect goes to you, DB1, for knowledge of Zardoz.
Looks like this Douchenozzle’s hose got stuck on “spray.”
Zardoz must be a great movie, I read http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/1913/zardoz/ and it has all the markings of greatness
@MC 900 Foot DB,
Way to generalize people with your stupid lame ass post.
^ Precisely. Everyone knows that Pacific Northwesterners are the ones OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MINDS on meth.
I know these people. They are the biggest fucking idiots in the world. The “hot chick” thinks America once had a civil war with Hawaii. She is also one of the most conceited and self-absorbed dumbasses I have ever met. Middle-management is way too good for this loser. They deserve to be on this site – only they should both be the “douchebags”
Mr. Connery is wise beyond his…um…well, beyond my years anyway.
Danny=nottadouche
Kid needs a major head kick. Chick looks like Lindsey Lohan’s sister.
well actually his name is thomas and her name is erin ….. and he is a douche
I actually know these people too. His name is Thomas and her’s is Erin. Thomas is a COMPLETE dumbass. I’m sure he actually takes pride in the fact that his picture is posted on here. As for Erin, she’s not really that big of a dumbass….other than she’s with Thomas. She is very self-obsorbed and is very very loud, annoying, and attention starved. O, and Thomas is an awful kisser and has a certain “cruse”. If you’ve been with him you’ll know it.