Saturday, August 28, 2010
Helmut Von Baggus
When foreign exchange grad student Helmut Von Baggus asked Irene if he could “show her ‘mit racing stripes?'” Irene assumed he’d meant on his car.
Hot Chicks With Douche Bags
PICTURES OF HOT CHICKS WITH TOTAL AND COMPLETE DOUCHEBAGS. WITH COMMENTARY.
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Hall of Mock
- Pfah
- DarkSock
- Baron Von Goolo
- Troy Tempest
- Steve L
- Wheezer
- Medusa Oblongata
- creature
- Crucial Head
- Mr. White
- Archidoucheis
- Mr. Biggs
- Vin Douchal
- Sergeant Scrote Stain
- boatbutter
- Captain Bringdown
- Whoop-di-douche
- Jacques Doucheteau
- massengill
- Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche
- Mr. Scrotato Head
- Deltus
- The Reverend Chad Kroeger
- mr.reeve
- Wedgie
- Et Tu Douche?
- Eliza Douchcoo
- dbBen
- soy bomb
- DoucheyWallnuts
- I R A Darth Aggie
- jonezy
- Hermit
- Chris in ‘Baghdad
- Douchble Helix
- the douche is alright
- Choad the Douche Sprocket
- Stephanie
- The Dude
- Dude McCrudeshoes
- Sir David Douchenborough
- Il Douché
- Bag A
- douche equis
- Capt. James T. Douche
- Charles Nelson Douchely
- THEONETRUEDOUCHE
- Merle Baggard
- ehcuodouche
- Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
- Charles Douchewin
- FredN.
- Ol' Dirty Douchebag
- In memoriam: bcs
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Gardens are clean and trim is painted. I saw this guy and nearly sharted. Back to my Bloody Mary Saturday. Cheers.
After about a weeklong run of skanks, we’re back to (mostly) doe-eyed cuties. I tip my hat, sir.
Eminem rebuilds
His image with desk supplies:
White-Out Hair Piping
Colonel Klink: The College Years
Helmut von Tron Helmet
My GI Joe from the 60s has the same head. The hott can play with my roman helmut instead.
Kraftwerk’s Karl Bartos.
Jim Morrison spins in grave,
Sings ‘Goodnight Irene’
someone lopped off the top of his scull & crapped a shadow init
In days of yore, this douche would’ve gotten his ass beat down for looking so stupid. And we think our society is evolving??
WTF? He wants to live in TRON when he grows up? What an idiot. I don’t know if he’s a true douchebag, as he may just be a dope. But he’s obviously getting attention from Glenda the Good Hott, so something’s wrong here.
His face is made of wax.
Maybe he’s actually a wax figure of some obscure early 80s no-hit no-wonder new wave band from Lichtenstein, Johann and the Scheisskopfen.
@ Deltus,
Now we’d just stick him in a Target storefront dressed in Edward Hardy.
This cat’s creepin’ me out.
^That is like Shane MacGowan saying “That cat’s got a drinking problem”…dayum.
That is seriously the douchiest haircut I’ve ever seen.
I don’t recall if there’s a “Stupidest Hair Style” category for the Douchies, but if so, this guy and Four Prong could go head to head.
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So to speak.
He looks like a robotic gigalo or more specifically jude laws robotic character gigalo joe from the film a.i – artificial intelligence
I was going to say that his skin did not have a natural sheen to it, but you guys are naturally on the ball with that.
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I think we need to rename him Bra!!ndon Fraser.
Wow, what a combo. Half the Van Halen logo colored into his hair and a lot of foundation make-up. Scary. EuroDouche Supreme.
Yeah, he’s a threat to Four Prongs domination of the worst haircut category – amongst other things. Irene appears semi-wholesome, however her delinquency in being photographed with this dude deserves no indulgence and, in a perfect world, would earn her a bloody good seeing to (from no less an idiot than me) for the breach.
Max Headroom’s little bro can really pull some quality tail!!!
Perfectly waxed eyebrows coupled with the douchie hair-do should definitely get him some attention.
So when the Hott tries to sit on his face, will she just slip off like she is riding down a Slip N’ Slide?
This pic belongs in a newly-minted "Hall of Huh?!?"
Pee-Wee says bring it, F*ck Face.
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nice semen stripes there, Helmut.
and now that i look at it, Douchie Arnaz is kinda right. Friday was full of unfuckable skanks and fuckable but likely brainless Woo girls.
but Irene is great. oh Irene.
I’m disappointed in your scholastic research skills, Boss. After consulting with a bona fide information source (Dikipediophile) it turns out that this man is none other than Helmut Von Douchenberg, the famed World War I Zeppelin pilot who perished whilst attempting to firebomb London; he erroneously navigated his lighter-than-aircraft into the main atrium of the Royal Museum Of Sharp and Pointy Objects.
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There is a memorial to him in the form of a giant hair-encrusted purple jelly dong with embedded sparkly glitter impaled in the forecourt of St. Peter’s and bent by will into the shape of a question mark.
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O what could have been, Helmut.
Ghetto Preacher: Don’t Jeez me Bro
Fucch. He’s got 10 times more makeup on than she does.
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He’s notta douche, but I think we need a new category…
@Douchie Howser MD: “Hall of Huh?!”!!! That is goddamned brilliant! Boss, consider this carefully. A gallery for pictures of douchebags or bleethwanks that just send the mind reeling at the non sequitur strangeness of them.
Greetings from the depths of Middlesex county, New Jersey fellow ‘bag hunters! If you can believe it, I’m here on vacation from the badlands of rural Oregon. Serious culture shock, I’ll tell you what. Especially when I saw this in a liquor store:
I’m ready to go home now.
*this
umm….
ya know if your goin to have a haircut like a football helmet at least add a design, like the san diego chargers lightning bolt logo or something..
also his shadow looks like the new orleans superdome…
and he has a strange smile like a creepy garbage man.
From the “ur doin it rong” files…..
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I think Tim TeBra!! should’ve stuck with the friar cut.
Isn’t “helmet hair” what all the ladies who shampoo, set with curls, and spray with lacquer do?
Thought so.
This dude uses a helluva LOT of styptic pencil on his scalp cuts.
When architectural and engineering draftsmen go douche, the parallel line effects make great hair design.
Irene is a contempo sweetie..
Tron here is way out-of-date.
Helmut Von Baggus would like to thank Lego for the inspiration for his new do.
And Adidas, the brand with the three stripes.
And Pepe Le Pew.
And …
Looks like twinkle toes here fashioned a hat out of wall paneling.
When I find myself loaded on Ny-quil, weed and Wild Turkey, I’ll oftentimes sob uncontrollably as I open the boxes containing my vast collection of Barbie dolls. Sure, other boys would tease, but throughout a difficult childhood I found comfort in Barbie’s flowing hair, cheerful smile and nipple-less boobs.
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Anyways, while going through my 1980’s Edition Malibu Barbie Dream house I found an old friend and I thought I’d share.
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.
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Please don’t judge me.
@JD:
I like your goatse/BP avatar. Nice.
The link was depressing. Ed Hardy BEER? The artwork says, “DEATH OR GLORY” the box says “light beer”.
Looks like Death to me…
@JD – I grew up in Middlesex County. Edison NJ. Right where Interstate 287 / 440 meets the NJ Turnpike at Exit 10. Depressing industrial HELLHOLE. There used to be nice farms and stuff in south county. Now it’s all built up and vile.
For that special New Jersey Feeling (no, not the urgent need to take a screaming shit), go to Metuchen and have breakfast at the Duchess Diner. Bad coffee, greasy eggs and pork roll. Yum.
If you’re in New Brunswick, have a sammich at Tumulty’s. The original Mr Tumulty was my history teacher in (I think) 8th grade. (or ninth? I don’t remember – it was almost 40 years ago…) He kept a bottle of Jim Beam in his desk. He quit the teachin’ gig and opened up Tumulty’s bar and grill in New Brunswick just as the city went into “renewal” (aka, kick all the poor black people out of downtown. bulldoze the public housing and turn it into condos) and made a small fortune. Now his sons run the place.
My dad still lives there – out near Somerville.
Middlesex county is emblematic of all that is utterly fucked with the USA.
If you want a moment of surrealism go to Roosevelt Park and check out the sculpture in the south end. Totally ugly and bizarre. Welcome to my childhood.
Urp.
For those who dread today’s “Sunday Video Convulsions,” I present a better (yet NSFW) option:
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Rodney Carrington’s “Show Them To Me”
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Whether or not you can tolerate the “country” feel of the song, there are clearly other items of interest here. And by that, as the song title suggests, I mean “boobies.”
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So, when the latest frolicking trainwreck makes you want to go all Odin on your eyeballs, come on back here and thank your buddy Wheezer (at least for some parts).
@JD. Wow, vacation in Middlesex County,NJ?!? What kind of fresh Hell you are in, my son? In addition to Troy’s suggestions, look up the Grease Trucks in New Brunswick on the campus of Rutgers U.
I had cousins who lived rightnwhere Troy did and echo hhis words. Great place to fly over.
Rob Schneider tooks like he is made out of PLASTIC. He sure has fallen far after Duece Bigelow.
“Jah, mein Hoffen; vee poopen shitzen der weinerschnitzel, no? JAH-BUHLL!”
Ed Hardy beer is the best beer I have ever tasted.
I haven’t been freaked out this bad since Millenium Bag had his epic run to the Hall.
Looks like a character from “Toys”.
@Doucheywalnuts-
I used to WORK on one of those grease trucks.
I was the junior officer of the bunch, but it was me, Jeanne and Darryl. Jeanne was sweeeet. Tall, lanky LONG hair. Darryl was the single funniest person I’d ever met at that point in my life. We used to TOTALLY fuck with the frat douche marmalade fuckwits at 3 AM when they’d eat all the crap in the dorms and frats and go looking for food.
That’s where I learned to never trust anyone who was ever in a frat. And if you come across one and he’s not too bad, then just be careful.
But the truck – MAN that was a trippy existence. Worked it for a summer.
FratDouche: Hey (hic) man, I uhh… shit I want some FUCKIN FOOD MAN.
Me: What kind of food would you like.
FD: Fuck, I dunno, just some fuckin food, like a sammich MOTHERFUCKER!!! huh ha huh.
Jeanne: Yo – Darryl – I’m gonna go get some beers, right?
Daryl: Later, baby. So frat fuck, you want some BOOMAFISH??? With WANG???
FD: sounds fuckin awesome, gimme some a that BOOMAFISH!
Me: With WANG???
FD: fuckin eh – LOTSA WANG!!!
So I sell him a tunafish sandwich (the tunafish was one can of cheap oily tunafish, fake mayonnaise, and half a loaf of white bread and some pickle relish) smothered in ketchup.
The FD is like FUCKIN KETCHUP? On TUNA?
Darryl: NO man – dat’s fuckin’ BOOMAFISH wit WANG!!! LOTSA WANG just like ya ordered it mofo! Take a bite – I’m sure it’s fuckin AWESOME.
He takes a bite, “YEAH – this boomafish it’s da BOMB!”
Darryl: Another satisfied customer, now GET DA FUCK OUTA HERE.
It went like that ALL NIGHT LONG. All Summer Long.
Yeeesh.
Is that hair or a helmet?
Helmut has all the rare Kraftwerk vinyls she is going to jack the sealed one with the decal and sell it on fleabay.
Looks like a chipmunk pasted on the side of his plastic kraut head (they have little racing stripes).
Is that Ralf Florian of Kraftwerk…computer world…
Why would anyone, at anytime, anywhere ever think this look is OK???!!!???!!!!
Und now, we dance!
Addidas will sue.
That has got to be a costume of some sort.