HCwDB of the Week
Bring it.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: JaBooty and Carly/Kimmy
Well, JaBooty, you made it to the HCwDB of the Week.
JaBooty: Thass what I’m sayin’, dawg! You put yos mind to sometin, good shniss happens.
Shniss?
JaBooty: You knows. “Shniss.” It’s that powdery stuff theys puts on those doughnuts they be givin out in the Social Security line on Tuesdays.
Oh.
JaBooty: And to my fans, alls I gots to say is yo! Crack is whack! And by whack, I mean $15. And to my hot ladies from Wellesley who was slummin’ it with a kid from Dorchester, alls I gots to say is call me, bitches! For Jabooty gots the love virus. And maybe sometin else, too.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Jimmy Scribble and Hott Bikini Hannah
The Scribbler is all that is annoying about Sheboygan.
Hott Bikini Hannah has the supple firmness of healthy, viable womb and seizure inducing buttocks.
I stopped a poor orphan child on the street in Surrey England and asked him what he thought of Hott Bikini Hannah. He said, “Please, sir? Can I have some more? Ass pear?”
So I sold him to poetic homeless gangleader in a Shakespeare play and now he pickpockets for coin in the East End.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Vlad the Inhaler and Natasha
Vlad is a two part pictorial that tells a story. A story of Licky Nip.
And the baby Jebus weeping.
Vlad is what we term the “Highly Amusing Douche.” Perfecting the rarely seen “shirt over neck” maneuver, plus undies poke and douche-face, Vlad more than qualifies.
And Natasha’s well fed Russian stock thighs could birth a small army. Her hottness is fully revealed in pic #2, but her pear is perfect gnawable gnaw. What, JaBooty? What are you doing here?
JaBooty: Dog, I knows I’m supposed to stay all up in the first block of text, but that chick’s bumper is FINE, son! I’se be faceplantin that loaf till the eviction notice be on its third posting, know what I’se sayin?
Okay, JaBooty. Now get back to your section.
So, on that note, them’s your three.
Which is hottie/douchey in opposition and originality enough to call itself HCwDB of the Week?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Vlad for the win, due to a ridiculously high level of face punchabillity and ridonkulous ass pear.
Oh for Pete’s sake, Jimmy Scribble and Hannah do it for me. What sort of dufus has calligraphic script tatts? I mean, they’re EFFEMINATE on top of being tatts, and then he ruffles his hair to match the curlicues in the tatts!!!! And his fingernails would make a manicurist swallow some serious pain-killers with her morning coffee. Hott Hannah’s thin-line brows are as skimpy as her yellow bikini, and might be construed to be as narrow as her taste in men.
JaBooty’s hotts are NOTT’s which therefore disqualifies him from getting a vote from me.
Jimmy is wearing girls glasses. Not good Jimmy, not good. The scrawling calligraphy tatts are not to my liking, nor is the mess atop your head or painted nails. But I’m just not feeling the douche from him. I think he got caught up in something awful and can’t get out.
Vlad on the other hand, carries enough douche aura to light several cities. And not small ones like Newark or Deluth. I’m talking LA, NY, Beijing size cities. Rocking that hard stare with pierced moobies, and whatever is going on with his eyebrows, garners my vote. That and Natahas full figuredness that gives me morning wood.
Vlad the fucktard and natasha FTW.
I would feel the same about punching VLAD and JaBooty, but that’s more because they are naturally homely rather than totally douche. And I don’t punch homelies, I just feel sorry for their bad luck of the genetic draw.
Jimmy Scribble appears to have “Rimlick” tattooed on his side. He’s with a girl that pleasantly reminds me of Rose McGowan in an itsy bitsy teenie weenie little yellow non-polka-dotted binkini.. Jimmy and Hannah for the win.
I’m going with Vegas Ass Kicker as a protest vote. This week’s crop of notties is so weak I can’t bring myself to include any of them.
But if you’re going to d.q. me, then JaBooty is the biggest annoyance. And his two fours do make an eight, in the backwards calculus of quantity versus quality.
I think.
Vlad the Inhaler! He may not be a vampire, but the douche lips, faux yawn and feigned inattention to the affections of bosomy Natasha are over the top. The casual cig in the hand completes the nauseating motif. Dishonorable mention runner-ups to annoying JaBooty from Southie.
Jimmy Scribbles and Hottt Hannah. This guy looks like he smells like raw chicken breast that’s been sitting out for a couple of days on the back porch at my Grandma’s house in Daytona Beach. Not that that’s bad, I’m just sayin’. Ridiculous sunglasses, painted nails, stupid double finger ring, GSR of his fat gut, and fucced up hair do it for me. His tatts don’t even bother me, it’s everything else. And of course, Hannah, she does it for me, I’d like to slap her belly and make it jiggle. Why the fucck is she with this fag, it probably took him longer to get ready to go out than she did.
Jimmy Scribble FTW because his tatts are stoopid and his GSR hangs under the shadow of his beer gut, which makes it all the more noisome.
Vlad really knows how to make himself look like an idiot. He has honed the look over time. the other two just stumbled upon idiotic appearances bc their personality couldn’t steer them straighter. Vlad on the other hand is a true deviant. He may feel like Niko Bellic but he looks like latin Al Bundy. This look could be referred to as the Friday day night wifey beatdown. This guy is a true bedroom bully…with the house cat. That is quite the bodacious rump on his lady friend too making my decision easy…another posting with ass in my face is definitely a must see.
Vlad the Inhaler and Natasha.
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Vlad looks the classic punchable Jerz pud and Natasha looks like she could empty me and my bank accounts without breaking a sweat
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The others look like failed MTV audition excerpts.
Vlad the Inhaler gets my vote. Unless the back of his shirt is on fire, he has no reason to take it off. I want her to dispense my toothpaste using a tube of Colgate and those powerful ass cheeks. Dental hygiene FTW.
if u investigate this jimmy tool i’m sure you will find he is a gaybag anyway. so i think he should be dqed.
In honor of the troll named “Vegas Ass Kicker” I have to vote for JaBooty and Carly/Kimmy FTW. JaBooty is what I imagine VAK to look like if we ever come across a picture of this Choad Juice Extract.
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VAK = CJE
Vlad and his sk*nk FTW in a weak-ass field…none of these clowns make the monthly I’d wager
Even though JaBooty’s hotts are notts. I still give him my vote for the weekly win.
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He’s trying SO hard to get it, he deserves it!
Vlad FTW, Even though it looks like Natasha found him under a bridge and brought him home to piss off dad. he reeks of Douche
Jimmy Scribble has the dedication to real choadwankery that I like to see in the Weekly winner. He’s permanently defaced himself with tatts that make tribal shoulder tatts look positively reasonable and tasteful. Add on the lip piercing, huge ass sunglasses, and almost-GSR, and you have a lose-lose combo the others cannot touch. And Hannah hott is the only one in the group that makes me want to touch my privates lasciviously.
Jimmy Scribble and Hott Bikini Hannah FTW.
Write in vote this week. And by write in I mean Scribble. He’s the only one trying to douche it up and she looks like she bathes.
I have a gut feeling that Jimmy and Hannah are in for the win. And by win I mean a cleansing fast until Thanksgiving.
Vlad the Inhaler and Natasha FTW. This guy looks like Tim Tebow…I hate Tim Tebow!
Vlad. Jimmy needs to get his scoliosis checked out.
Everyone’s had to make sacrifices due to the state of the economy and Jimmy Scribble’s no exception. As a show of white belt tightening and like, you know, responsiblization, he canceled his healthclub membership. That made dad pretty happy. Now he can use the savings to try and catch up on his son’s tattoo payments. If only Jimmy would stop cleaning out the fridge every night when he stumbles home from the clubs…
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Jimmy Scribble and Hannah FTW.
Vlad’s hott isn’t that hot but he is undeniably the biggest douchebag of the week.
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Top to bottom from the squint down that beak to the flab squished above the American Eagle boxers he oozes bad chili farts and fail.
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Vlad the Inhaler and Natasha FTW . His probiscus makes Nomah Garciaparra’s look like a button nose
Vlad is bloated in a way that suggests kidney failure.
But if we’re grading on non-working body parts, I gotta go with JaBooty, as he looks as though he’s functioning without a working brain stem. I can imagine him standing, rigidly catatonic, in one spot forever. I wonder what thoughts, if any, go through his shattered cortex when the likes of Carly and Kimmy stand next to his frozen, wax-sculpture like body. Probably something along the lines of “I have to pee…”
Vlad constipated kissy-face makes me want to pummel him with little kittens until he finally sucks a couple up that massive umbrella nose of his and asphyxiates.
And Natasha. Oh, the exceptional adaptation that is bootylicious curve has clearly been designed explicitly to maximize fitness. Particularly mine.
Vlad makes me mad.
His girl makes me hurl.
I’m going with Skribble and yellow bikini hott, mainly because Skribble actually seems self-aware of his doucheyness.
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He realizes that his plight is one of complete lack of independent thought, and that by simply following the fashion trends of celebri-douches, he will at some point find himself intertwined with a hot the caliber of Hannah here.
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His moderate success of being photographed with Hannah-Hott only emboldens his douchiness, and as I see, he will evolve in the manner of the greats such as DD & FFS, slowly compiling tribal tatts and GSR in the never ending quest of chasing tail.
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Oh, and Hannah is pretty damned Hott.
im gonna base this weeks vote on tolerability of proximity. if i had to be trapped in a room with one of these choad buckets, which would be the least offensive? jimminy scribble gets a pass, as long as he kept his shirt on he does not bother me. jabooty has strong punchability factor but is so young and such a poser i would just laugh at him trying so hard. plust he prolly has some “dank herb yo” that could help with the distraction. now onto vlad. vlad him self is immaterial, but his sneer is one that legends are made of and is rumored to be a direct decendent of the romans. for vlad does not own that sneer, that sneer owns vlad. 1 min in a room with this guy and i would be considering self mutilation just to redirect the pain. vlad FTL
Jabooty appears to be operating on only 32 chromosomes, like some rancid weasel found in the runoff pool from a toxic waste disposal facility. Plus he’s a 76ers fan, so what’s not to hate?
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On the other hand, Vlad is positively radiating doucheosity, and clearly those pics were taken in his grandmother’s house, exacerbating the grotesque failure of his existence, thus proving the nonexistence of a benevolent God. Also, that chick has a lot of badonk to grab hold of, and her willingly applying tongue to that fetid slab of scat makes me even more cynical about the future of the world.
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Vlad is the vloser– or rather, winner of this contest.
Gotta be that scribbled chap.
Ja and Vlad could even be the same guy.
I hate to follow a trend, but Vlad is raising suckitude to a fairly impressive level. I get hostile just looking at the picture.
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I agree that none of the “hotts” this week are particularly yummy. I’d say they barely qualify for this site, and only because of the level of douche they are camera-cuddling up to.
Scribbler’s pot-belly is giving me the heebee jeebees.
Hannah is the only one in this selection that actually lives up to the name of this site. The other chicks aren’t hott, and therefore Scribble-with-the-dribble has to be declared the winner.
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Plus, he’s obviously pregnant, and I’m a sucker for a family.
I have to vote for Jimmy Scribble and Hott Bikini Hannah and the tiny yellow bakini that I wish was on the ground
Jimmy and Hannah FTW. That bod’ of her’s could stop and start genocidal wars as easily as most of us start and stop a coffee grinder. Something tells me that if we saw a picture of her backside, the collection erectioning from the patrons of this site would drive K-Y Brand stock up 16%.
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Oh, and Jimmy’s a douchebag I guess.
I know what’s going on here…..remember the “side boob instead of ass pear” FTAL post from a week and a half ago? Boss threw us another curveball: we’re voting on those who ordinarily wouldn’t have made the cut…..right?
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I mean, these assclowns got no consideration? What about little polkahott? Maybe their chests were to sunken or something. Anyway, some other potential(?) contenders:
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Toronto Poo Jays, just for the hat tilt alone.
Vanilla Lice Buys a Boat – ass pear overload! And by “load,” I mean…..
Soxtard…..errrrr, Soxnard.
My Swagger Sucks – barely legal hotts, maybe…..
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Yet, given the choices we have, I’ll go with Vlad the Inhaler and Natasha. She’s a bleeth of orange proportions, but the undie reveal and flashing of his mitties makes me simply cry out in horror. Factor in the torture they’re putting URC through and it’s time to bring in a Gatling gun to end this mess.
Vlad the Inhaler and Natasha.
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He needs his head lopped off, preserved in honey, and sent to Constantinople where the sultan can display it as a warning to all aspiring scrotes in the region.
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I want to impale her posterior with my mushroom tipped stake.
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@CBS
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BCS?
“…..too* sunken…..”
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Fire my fuccen proofreader.
I’m Gonna have to go with Scribbles and Hannah for the win.
The Reason is simple:
Jabooty just seems to much like he is posing with his little sister and her hot friends just to show the boys back at the overpass he lives in, with he kindly refers to club I45, how he can bring in the hoes.
And with Vald I’m not convinced he is strait. How many guys with pierced nipples are straight? I bet if he sicks out his tongue it will be pierced too.
I have to go with Jimmy and Hannah. None of the scrotepuds induce the kind of bile filled regurgitations that I normally feel. Hannah is clearly the hottest of the hots and, in this tepid battle, that is enough to carry the day.
Vlad, for looking like an Italian/Slavic Tim Tebow with massive pierced nipples.
Must have been a slow week. I’ll vote for Vlad as long as I can reserve the right to recast in the event that Natasha’s seemingly glorious pear is over shadowed by the fact that this pic is hiding a semi-healed acid burn on the other side of her face.
I mean come on, we got standards here, right?
While much comment ensues re this week’s level of douche, I feel both fortunate and grateful that I’m not forced to be an eye witness at the forthcoming date rape trials of any of the above.
I vote Vlad. Solely on the basis of the rarely seen “shirt over neck” maneuver. So unnecessary. So douche.
Tough call but I will cast my vote for Scribbles and Hannah.
Jabooty is a putz and the girls are cute but could be jailbait, so I shall refrain.
Vlad is a complete and total dickhead but his woman is a bit too big for my taste.
That leaves Scribbles and Hannah. While no new territory is explored here they are a blueprint version of the SoCal species of HCwDB couple. Scribbles douched out dude with ugly tats, “bedhead”, nail polish, rings and lip stud. Hannah-Slightly bleethy but definitely hot with a certain air of sluttiness and hard body that really turns me on.
Vlad the Dumbpaler and Nititska FTW. He’s the only one that seems to have been born and bred a douchebag; the others were just born with low IQs or were dropped as infants.
Not likely, but Jabooty’s pic could have been taken at a Halloween party gone awry. And Scribbles’ sideways “Gimmick” tatt testifies to his other tatt’s statement of “I have a small dick”.
I’ve mentioned before the differences between *trying to be* or *acting like* a douche being much more humorous than *being* a douche, which is just sinister and creepy; Vlad fits the latter
Jimmy Scribble and Marissa Torme’s mildly retarded younger sister Hannah for the weekly. Despite sporting Elvis’ sunglasses, Rick James ‘Unity’ ring, the ring from some guy at the bus station’s foreskin that hooked in his lip before the money shot and idiotic tattoos, Scribble could only win this week because of the lame competition and lack of hots.
Vladimoron all the way.
Simply for the manner in which he has postured himself..
A pose not dissimilar to that of a recently woken sloth which has somehow managed to tie it’s sagging chesticles into a piece of rolled up material, in order to form a sort of douche parachute…just in case it falls out of it’s scrotenut tree, you understand.
Plus Natasha’s wealthy, rotund suplitude is making my groin ache like a dry riverbed in the Kalahari.
Jimmy Scribble and Hott Bikini Hannah FTW. Two pot belly piggies in one picture gets my vote. Plus letting your 5 year old design your tattoos is like sooooo cute! OMG!
I must vote for JaBooty and Carly/Kimmy for two reasons:
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1.) His august stare down his regal nose belies a belief that he is head of the class; in fact he is failadictorian of the class.
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2.) No one else is voting for his ass, so that gives me a better shot at making front page with my weak ass comment above^.
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I must cast my vote (poo) for the Stentorian Stylings of JaBooty and barely legal not regal Carly/Kimmy
After long and careful deliberation, assisted by a couple of Dewars, I’m going with Blad and Natasha. His sneer and douchetrements are just overpowering, and make me look for a belt fed weapon.
Yes, JaBooty is all that is suburban wigger, and his girls are trying to bring it, but I’m just sensing disappointment and annoyance, along with the urge for an uppercut to his jaw.
Jimmy, well, perhaps I was a little harsh with my original comments. After another look, I’m thinking Hannah, the saint she is, took Jimmy out of the Home for some fresh air. She needs to get him back before her shift ends at 5.
Vlad/Blad FTW.
I think Jabooty knows he’s unattractive, and tried working the bad-boy angle to get chicks. Girls are stupid that way and fall for an unattractive, stupid man if he dresses “cool”. Jimmy Scribble? Not a bad lookin’ kid, but little and skinny and probably broke. So he also works the bad-boy angle, with a dash of androgyny thrown in there to disarm the hotts. Girls are even stupider that way. Now Vlad? Here’s a dude who is convinced he is grade-A hot meat, cooler than ice and a pussy crusher on the reg. He’s a fat, hatchet-faced dillweed who is utterly under the spell of his own mythos. The fact that he actually found a chick to fool around with only confirms it in his mind. The shirt-over-the-head move? Mind-boggling. And he doesn’t even have the discipline to work on a set of abs. He’s all, “Suck my glorious man-titty!” Tweeze-brow, kissylips, anime blowout and the pervasive stink of smug. Natasha’s caboose be damned, that is one heaping helping of douche. Vlad FTW.
Jimmy Scribble FTW. These three are so uninspiring I am not going to even try to come up with anything witty to say about them. However, I will add that I went with the punchability of their faces as my reason for the Jimmy Scribble, JaBooty, Vlad placement.
No way that chick has anything to do with Jimmy the second that pic is over. So Vlad gets it by looking like Tim Tebow let himself go.
Vlad for the win. His orange “tan” matching his orange AE undies bumps him just past Scribble.
Jimmy Scribble, for his failure to commit. He oh-so-badly wants to be rockerchoad Travis Barker, but knows that too many tats might cost him his entry-level accounting job at Sports Authority. And that’s more ‘bag than actually covering yourself in homoerotic tribal ink any day of the week. That, and Hannah is just plain hot.
Jabooty is young, dumb and full of scum. And for that he gets my vote. And I peed in a horse’s Jabooty once. A logistical nightmare, but totally worth it.
My vote for Jabooty, for bringing twice the hott, and twice3 the punchability.
Jimmy Scribble’s second-trimester baby bump is showing. I suggest he get an abortion pronto, and while he’s there have his mother get a retroactive abortion.
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It’s a douchebag’s right to choose.
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And when it comes to douchebags, choose death.
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Scribbles FTW
Vlad FTW, his mother seems to have been frightened by a Jack Palance western when she was carrying him, thus indelibly shaping his face into its present crypto-menacing sneer. That sneer is almost totally neutralized by his metrosexual eyebrows and simian brow, already permanently furrowed from too many bouts with non-comprehension. Vlad, impale your pear subject and prepare to join the Pantheon of Most Scrotal Luminaries.
I’ll make this quick.
All have their strong points, which is to say nausea-inducing aspects.
HOwever, Vlad the Inhaler’s pictures smell the worst.
Vlad and Natasha get moose and squirrel.
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Vlad
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Because he’s Kettle head without the kettle or the charm.
Natasha’s delicious booty commands me to vote for her. Which means Vlad the Inhaler FTW. Curse your curvy loveliness!
Vlad the Inhaler has the arched eyebrows that Kettlehead wishes he has. the eyebrows that are capable of inciting mass riots. Vlad FTW.
Jimmy Scribble FTW. For all of the potentially gaybag vanity, his beer gut sings, “kick me with a steel-toed Redwing work boot.” I would like to hope that Hannah doesn’t give a shit for the gender bender and would rather share a glass of Hermitage with Baleen while we dig 60’s avant jazz and the viscosity of various bodily fluids.
He ruined himself permanently to Tattoo shoulder tribal look positively moderate and tasteful.
Definitely Jimmy Scribble, as his side-torso tattoo actually says, “Gimmick,” which is self-critical to the extreme. If only it said, “Filled with self-doubt; another tattoo will make me whole,” in script (or in Chinese characters).
Vlad and Natasha, without a doubt. Although the Eastern Bloc names are probably out of place; they both seem to be greasy examples of New Jersey hopelessness.
What this coupling really shows is the extent of Vlad’s narcissism. Natasha eighty billion degrees of make-you-wanna-claw-your-eyes-out-because-she’s-so-sexy, and she is SO INTO VLAD. She wraps herself around him and plants a kiss on his cheek pubes, and even goes so far as to degrade herself in front of God and Country by licking his nipple on camera.
And how does Vlad react? Is he overcome with joy at this olive-skinned honeypot throwing herself at him like waves at an ocean levee? No! The arrogant sunufabitch is more concerned with making sure his carefully-practiced facial expression is captured at just the right angle in the photograph! Natasha is almost optional here. Something tells me that there are hundreds of pictures of Vlad on his Facebook/Myspace of him wearing his shirt over his neck, or pulling it up to expose his nipple, WITHOUT branding-iron-hot babes like Natasha.
If you will all excuse me, I’m going to go find an inland taipan and get it to bite me repeatedly in the face.
Jimmy and Hannah FTW, because Hannah is yummy, and Jimmy is F#@!ing rank
Vlad the Inhaler and Natasha FTW! Why? This guy is Ron Popeil’s wet dream: “Lay him on the ground and he becomes a parking space keeper AND orange traffic cone. Got leaves stuck in your gutters? Clean them in a snap by turning him upside down and sweep away those leaves in seconds. Have a vermin infestation problem? Solved! Just place Vlad’s picture in those open crawl spaces and voila’, vermin flee in terror. Think of how much this douche can save you. And if you buy now, we’ll throw in Natasha free! That’s one douche AND a bleeth absolutely free. But wait, if you act now we’ll give you instructions for the patented “shirt-over-the-head-but-sttil-on-your-body” for free! Amaze and amuse your friends at parties. Make those boring office meeting a lot spicier. Act now because there is only one left! Once this one is taken… Aw who am I kidding, there will always be more of them.”
Being a dyed-in-the-wool Ass Pear Lover, I originally wanted to vote for Natasha & Vlad, but the Licky Nip photo made her look a little too bovine, so my vote goes to Jimmy Skribble & Hott Bikini Hannah this week. M. Skribble is what you see if you open up to the page marked Wild & Crazy Guy in the Middle Aged White Ladies Who Work At Credit Unions manual. My mom is a middle aged white lady who works at a credit union so I’ve seen this, swear to Jebus. Painstakingly messed hair, excessive rings, gaudy tattoos, FUCKING PAINTED NAILS. And Hannah’s loveliness is inversely proportionate to Jimmy’s poo-stench. She has some quality girl next door cuteness going on with a perfect little belly paunch that I’d drown a bag full of geckos for the chance to lick honey off of while she bides her time commenting on her friends Facebook posts on her Blackberry.
Tally one vote for Jimmy Scribble. That dude detailed my 1993 Mazda MX-6 last week for $12… And I swear to an improbable Christ above that a deaf retard could have done a better job. I hate you Jimmy, I hate you and your underachieving, pudwack ways… And give me back my $12, I need to go buy some spray paint to forget that I ever had to acknowledge your existence.
Just one more thing I feel the need to point at this late stage in the voting: Jimmy has a drink with a fucking straw in it. I rest my case.
Sorry, Natasha has about the hottness of Snooki, and since we are talking about unholy unions, Scribble should not have quit his job as a bartender at Planet Hollywood to “make it in L.A.” I can’t tell if he is a post op transexual, since his stomach is hanging out like he is about to complete his first trimester like he is trying to follow in the footsteps of Thomas Beatie.
I would walk into a Tea Party rally wearing a Lenin mask just so I can feel those sultry curves. Natasha, on the other hand, has the landscape of Kilimanjaro, wide and bumpy.
Scribble violates the fundamental laws of the universe such if he got any close to Hannah, stephen hawking would snap and cut a bitch.
* any closer
gah, sleep deprivation, sorry
The only one who has any chance of stealing quality hott from any non-douche is Jimmy Scribble. JaBooty will only torment small town hotts who know not what they do until they get older, and Vlad is just a piss drunk waste of skin who obviously never got the memo that plucking your eyebrows went out of style when NSYNC broke up. Now, Hott Bikini Hannah has me reaching for an oxygen tank like a fat defensive lineman who just picked up a fumble and ran 50 yards for a touchdown. Jimmy & Hannah FTW all the way.