Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Friday Haiku

“Make a Wish” for Ronald,
Fakes lupus to live the dream
Giggle Hotts pay rent.

Jim’s first cruise to Greece
Stopped at Lesbos Isle
It did not end well

— Wedgie

Too much cash on skirts,
not enough for hallway lights;
try hundred-watt bulbs.

— Wheezer

A Clockwork Orange.
Pink has torn down the wall, and
Changed name to Umber.

— The Reverend Chad Kroeger

Everyone should know
You put the fuccen hinges
Inside the damn door.

— Crucial Head

Money costumes say
“If you’re spendy, I’m bendy”
Lolipop’s no charge

— saulgoode42

Psychoanalyze
Lollipop and skirts of cash
Flushes tuition

— Vin Douchal

Kal Armstrong Buys a Ten Pound Watch

Kal Armstrong, long lost brother of Veg Armstrong, has only one thing to say to the ladies.

Six pound watches are for pussies.

Caption This Pic

Noted archeologist Mississippi Smith, after years of research on the subject of Scrotal Mysticism, decided to test his theory that the perfect combination of sunlight, saline, Bud Light Lime and skank would summon the ancient god “Groin Skull.”

The Burnt Loaf

Poor Elyse.

Home for a long weekend. Midterms just around the corner.

Then her mom’s best friend’s optometrist’s wife totally new this guy who would, like, be totally perfect for her, because, like, he’s an investment banker and loves to, like, surf. So Elyse said, “Sure? Why not?

And there he is. Burnt Loaf.

There is no social or spiritual justice for the tasty legged giggle blondes of this world.

And so we mock his pre-cancerous skin from afar.

Mr. Choad’s Wild Ride Continues

When last we saw Mr. Choad, he was climbing aboard some contraption with the Corona Triplets.

Today’s adventure finds Mr. Choad setting out on a new mission.

Acquire a case of beer without getting carded in the desperate hopes that Corona Triplet #2 will make out with him after homecoming in a few weeks and won’t realize he’s really 17.

Hard to mock that mission. Good luck, Mr. Choad.

The Unknown ‘Bagger

This clubby pudwack has been on the site so many times over the years, under so many names, I feel like we should just (dis)honor him as “The Unknown ‘Bagger.”

With bonus Jesus bling.

Poor Near-Future Mom But Still Curvy Karen. “Girls night out” did not end as you expected when Cindy from accounting proposed it last Wednesday.

HCwDB Not Quite After Dark

Pic Deleted

Well, it’s sorta dusky here in Los Angeles.

And rainy.

Not quite enough for an “HCwDB After Dark.” But enough to post some wiggy clowns mugging a tasty barely legal hott boddket.

Your humble narrator sits in his Civil War era rocking chair on the veranda and pinches some snuff. The plaintive cries of desperate actresses can be heard pinging through the hills.

“You want dessert or just the check?”

Just the check, Margaritte. But I loved you on Nip/Tuck.

The Creepshow 2 Lake Sludgetatt Survivor

Don’t think of it as really bad tattbaggery in yet another lake setting.

Think of it as the markings of a survivor of the Creepshow 2 Lake Sludge Monster.

The Gods Love Boobia

Because, every so often, you just gotta say “What the rack.”

‘Bag / Nottabag: The Hoff

What say you?

Performative leniency for the genius of Knight Rider?

Or too many chest bearing skeezoffs to excuse under Leniency Rules?