Monday, January 31, 2011
Carla and One Bro ™ Enjoy a Highly Contrived Beach Picnic
Carla and one of The Bros ™ from last week’s HCwDB of the Week winning Carla and the Bros ™, is now enjoying a picnic with non-Sabio and often ignored “Guy on the Left.”
Guy on the Left is one of the lesser douches from The Bros ™, a pud that received little mock upon initial appearance.
Apparently feeling ignored, Guy on the Left is determined to make inroads in terms of mockworthy spectacle, by taking the Carla seduction to creepy and highly contrived levels.
And so he lights votive candles.
And unbuttons his creepy silk shirt.
Numerous readers have lalso alerted me that Carla is the one and the same as featured in 2010’s legendary The Mountinis. As is Guy On the Left. But not Sabio.
Woe, Canada, indeed.
When Li Xiang sees this posting he’s going to walk out into his Chinese child labor fueled textile mill and personally crush all the silk worms between his thumb and forefinger.
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It’s either that or face animal cruelty charges from the ASPCA, Greenpeace, PETA, and the Humane Society.
Now all the talk about are they or are they not Canadian can be put to rest.
Canada, I see your douche is as bad as ours. “Get some” Mountinis
This picture smells like porn, and leaves a sticky film on my monitor.
There’s not much sand up here. So when the eggs have hatched and the sweet sound of children on tricycles nearly getting clipped by cars yelling “Fuck off ya’ drunk” and hayfever is making everyone miserable and that fucking neighbour is testing his fucking bass boat at 3AM. That is the time guys like this cuntscrape go the beach. It’s not like they have to work or anything. Fuck
Forever more I shall spend my days melting candles so I can cock block this mock worthy douchebag.
This isn’t contrived at all. My wife and I always keep a dozen pillows, wicker bed frame, queen sized mattress, foam snack tray, tea candle set, wine glasses, tumblers, bling, and slutty dresses in the trunk of our Saturn LS in case we run across an exceptionally inviting Manitoban beach.
Nobody got worked up about Gay on the Left, because we just accepted his preference for man meat. Thus, he posed no threat to the hot chick, other than perhaps telling her she was using the wrong concealer for her skin tone, when really she wasn’t , but he was mad at her for using all his glitter lotion so he got even by sabotauging her makeup regime.
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That is the most contrived “romantic” evening ever. Are they posing for a romance novel cover? Was Sabio too busy jerking off the other bros with his non-named-tattooed hand (he’s trying to increase his
ambidexterity, you know, for balance.) to pose for this picnic? Maybe this is taken on one of the FABULOUS Mexican vacations these fudge packers keep flapping their gums about.
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Hey Carla is the red dress getting you any attention from any straight guys? Maybe you should get a redder dress that lights up and serves beer.
If you read an article on Drudge in the next couple days about a shortish, middle aged American who went crazy in Quebec City and cleared out two of the local night clubs with a worn out porno casette tape and a frozen bottle of Jack Daniels, you understand why I may not be posting for a month or two, possibly a few years.
Those are citronella candles, but regrettably they have no effect on the crabs.
Back bacon. Maple syrup. John Candy. Rush.
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Shoulda stopped while you were ahead, Canada.
I hope they didn’t get that tsunami warning as does the shark population
She sells shit gells by the seashore
I’m comforted by the fact that the giant planaria next to Bleeth’s leg is poised to attack.
Her boobs aren’t real.
Her hair color isn’t real.
Her tan’s not real.
He might as well be dating Santa.
@Medusa: you’ve named many of our successes. And we’ve had a number of failures as well: Celine Dion and Justin Bieber, to name a couple.
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But I still want to argue about Canadian douchebaggery being as choadwank as… as…
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OKAY, dammit, it is! It’s as bad here as anywhere. Go to any downtown cafe in any Canadian city greater than 100,000 people, and you’ll find it filled with hipsterdouche and fail.
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Oh Canada, why have you forsaken me, your once-proud son?!?!
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*bawls shamelessly*
OK so granted the US is guilty of exporting really shitty aspects of our pop culture, but really rest of the world, why do you seem to latch on to it? You should have more sense. Who is more a douche, the douche or the douche that follows the douche?
After half-paying attention to this site and applying poor math, I’ve come to the disturbing conclusion that the fraction of douchebags/nottas in the Land of Canadia is shockingly high. We’re talking 1/2 here. This equation factors in the hockey players nottadouche exemption; when not factored, the fraction becomes a more favorable 1/5. Still horrifying, though.
The broad looks like Bobby “the Brain” Heenan in drag, now knows as Bobby “the Bleeth” Heenan.
http://accel11.mettre-put-idata.over-blog.com/0/08/06/68/bobby-the-brain-heenan.jpg
Oh my oh my, I’d choke to death on those nibblers.
One Bro ™ FTW. And by win, I mean Carla checks her text messages during dinner, and runs off to kick Sabio in the balls.
C’mon people, this “guy” went all out for this “date”. I know I always score HUGE when I give the Mrs. two rotting strawberries covered in my latest bowel movement washed down with our finest tap water that has a lung biscuit floating in it. I’m mean she gets HORNY when I go all out like that. Fuck, then I throw in some shitty 5/$1 candles and I know I’m gonna be sore for a week. I guess that’s his life savings there on the blanket. Assmunch, go back to doing gay porn. It has to pay better than “stripping”.
They make a cute couple. Tan together, get hair bleached together (assholes, too!), shop for shiny clothing together.
Lay on the beach together, rayon clothing catches on fire together, completely incinerated together.
Ashes buried together in the same urn: An empty bottle of Goose.
The End.
I think this was pic was taken in the same sound stage they faked the moon landing in.
I’d say this beach is so fake that it’s completely void of life, but now it has crabs scuttling all over it.
I’d say this beach is so fake that it’s completely void of life, but someone just laid their clutch of eggs in a sand burrow.
The seagulls had nothing to scavenge on, until Carla brought her shaven brown flounder encrusted with pearls.
Someone’s going deep sea fishing with a couple night crawlers. Doesn’t he know not to take a dinghy out on choppy waters?
After one too many bottles of Charles Shaw zinfandel, Guy on the Left confused his date with a bucket of chum.
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But it felt the same to his cock.
I’d still batter that razor clam and douse it with tartar sauce.
She’s got TRUE CLEAVITE. He’s got satin-shirt cleavite. Her thighs have suckle-cleavite.
And their blanket brings back blue-and white-stripe memories of Old Chap.
What an intruder.
Chest shave reveal with bottle service. Brilliant!
Fabio is alive and well.
This is the time people like this cuntscrape go to the beach. It’s not like they have to work or anything.
hey he’s half-way to shirtness
is that a feeble attempt at a gold tipped flock of seagulls? dima bilan would not approve
Just a girl and her douche…….and a cameraman……sipping wine and mojitos to the soft glow of votive candles. Is there a more naturally occurring formula for romance?