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Thursday, January 27, 2011
Skullz McGee Likes Boobies
And, well, it’s really hard to argue with him. He’s got a good point.
Even if he does have shaved chin pubes of epic stupidity.
Pouty Brenda’s pout evokes bluebirds chipping on sunlit morn, and suggests there’s a fantastic perfect Pi of Asspear curvature awaiting at sundown.
Thursday, January 27, 2011‘Bag / Nottabag: The Jordanbag
What say you?
The case against: Sports jerseys are not auto-douche. No hand gestures. Regular cap wearing. General slacker-face but no signs of douche-face.
The case for: Idiotic Asian tribal tatt. Anyone who decides to wear, out of all NBA players, picks the obvi Jordan jersey. The ubergnaw qualities of Heather, the hottest older sister of the hot chick who just graduated Westerburg High.
Granted, the level of hottness of the chick is not allowed to be considered as a case for douchery on the part of the ‘bag.
So I put it to you, Greg. Is the tribal tatt enough?
‘Bag? Or Nottabag?
Thursday, January 27, 2011Ronnie the Rivethead
Because sometimes, to impress the Woo Hotties, ya just gotta nail some metal spikes into your head and put on a diaper.
Thursday, January 27, 2011Reader Mail: Amy’s Bucklehead Tag
PIC DELETED
Amy writes in with a story of strange mutant douchewankery:
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Ok, so I am a hot tattooed chick that frequents the local goth club with my hot girlfriends to go dancing on occasion.
Over the years I have come to know this particular ‘subject’ I am sending you photos of, because he is CONSTANTLY lurking around me and my friends. It is so gross. This guys has even shown up at my work – FOR NO REASON but to look at my boobs.
I have started calling him ‘Predator’ and sometimes ‘Sam the Eagle’ (depending on how much makeup he is wearing to give him that ‘unibrow look’.)
This guy is such an attention-starved man whore that clips foam in his hair.
I would tell you his name, but I do not want to take the risk of anyone recognizing that someone he knows submitted pics of him. Let’s just say he adds a ‘z’ somewhere in his name to be cool.
Anyways, I LOVE your site and have been a loyal reader for a few years now. It would amuse me to death to see him added to the list. There are many more photos where these came from, but he tends to take more homoerotic- type douchebag photos with males than females.
– Amy
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Good work Amy, and I’m pleased to add you to the ‘bag tagging list.
Although I’m not sure what this pic you’ve provided represents.
I would like to mock as douche, but I’m just frightened and vaguely cold.
Thursday, January 27, 2011Smoot Still Says “Grooooo.”
Smoot.
2009 HCwDB of the Year Winner.
Still out there.
Still fauxed.
Still hangin’ with Vegas Bleethy Hotties and a pumped up bro.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Many douches come and go when turning scrotal while hitting on the hotties.
Only the legends persist. With undying dedication of taintface.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011The Pouter Puff and Eliza
I’m not sure how much of a ‘bag The Pouter Puff really is.
Sure he’s got that whole “Punk by way of a sale at J.C. Penny” thing going, which is solidly mockworthy. And, of course, the Hitler Chin.
But what’s with the t-shirt of Baby Scarface? Meh, whatever. Here’s your stage-1 and take off, P.P.
Now lets get to the real reason for the post. Glorious Real World Eliza Dushku. I would sympathize with her failing acting career over lattes on Larchmont, while secretly fondling her pocketbook strap with strange tugging motions.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011When Puds Fly
Prinze still can’t believe he didn’t win the Weekly.
He blames the Funk.
No, really. That’s what he calls it when he explains it to the doctor.
Jessica offers Female Groin Shave reveal. Which, due to the gender bias and double standards of the douchadox, is perfectly acceptable and celebratory.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011Reader Mail: “First They Came for the Douchebags…”
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Dearest DB1,
It is my pleasure to tell you that I have followed the teachings of Your Humble Narrator for quite some time now. yet I have never quite built up the gusto to comment, or email the DB1 with matters regarding the growing plague that surrounds me.
This changed immediately after my eyes were set upon the inglorious quadrilateral of taint that is “Carla and The Bros.” For I had realized that I knew one of the scrotestains within said picture, though for reasons of anonymity I shall not specify, and merely state that it was not Sabio.
Which brings me to my second revelation, and subsequent inquiry.
Having recognized one of “The Bros”, I then came to realize that an associate of his happens to be somewhat of a friend of mine.
This friend tends to exhibit the physical qualities of a level II or even level III bag at times, yet always appears incredibly sociable, and is quite kind towards the non-scrotey comrades I possess. I have nary the will to bring this to his attention, as he is incredibly large, and has provided his physical presence to assist me when other ‘bags act hostile towards myself, and my cadre.
How can I persuade this individual to subtly abandon the Tales of the Taint?
Or is overt mocking the only solution?
Requesting your guidance,
-Channing Taintum
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When one’s friend, co-worker or associate turns into ‘bag, the answer is never direct confrontation, C.T.
Mocking, from a safe distance and with the aid of a laser pointer, will help to enlighten all friends, neighbors, and gnaw hotties as to the silliness of his scrotey ways.
Eventually, cultural shift will force the choadwank to reform on his own.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011Porkuprong Kevin
Kevin was a solid minor league stage-1 doucher, what with the gelled up hair, stupid shirt and Hitler Chin.
But then he had to go for the subtle, yet smug, ass pear fondle of Glorious Hiney Curve Helen.
Which is just wrong.
But as wrong as it is, just be glad I didn’t slap you with Nuclear Kumquat as the main pic so early on this Wednesday. I almost did. But I gotta have some standards around here.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011The Starry Blight Classes It Up
Our 2010 Douchie Award winner for Douchiest Tatt, The Starry Blight, aka The King of Sears, doesn’t always hang with Hello Kitty Hott and a gaggle of ‘bags by the pool.
Sometimes, The Starry Blight likes to class up the joint. All with a tie on and shizz. Looking like a gangster Soviet-era meth dealer on Ambien.
Hello Kitty Hott is all that is contradictorially Bleethy/Hott in the douchadox.
